If Lupus would just stop morphing into one thing after another.
I am weary.
But Lupus goes on...
I used to think it went on again and off again...
but it just goes on.
right now it is on a sleep all the time (even when trying hard to stay awake...like when someone is talking to me face to face...or when I need to drive.) OR never sleep. Never go to bed unless I am absolutely exhausted.
My nutritionist (and possible future guru) says that I, like so many others avoid going to bed.
bedtime, like mercury rolled in a ball, gets harder to capture the more we want it.
Why I avoid is murky territory that I am too vulnerable to explore, but what I do to avoid going to bed might be worth exploring, because maybe we have that in common...and maybe if we see we are not alone, it will be possible to change; awareness is the first step to change.
So I am aware that I
1. get a knot in my belly when I think bedtime is approaching
a. so I eat something,
b. or start to watch an episode of In Plain Sight, and then one more...not because I want to, but because I dont want to go to bed.
c. or knit or crochett
d. or do anything to keep the BED Monster from nipping at my heels.
2. I won't change into pjs, but I keep my day clothes on...even sleep in them because to change clothes feels like I am giving in, and that is too scary
3. I write. It is therapeutic, but it's not sleep.
do you have similar avoidance habits?
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