This is my first anything here. I’m supporting and standing next to my wife on This journey of our lives. For the past few months now, I’m afraid to close my eyes to sleep for the fear of having the same dreams of the inevitable. Even during the day I get flashes of funerals and the such. How do I make them go away, its driving me, well bonkers! My wife keeps reassuring me but it only helps while my eyes are open and I’m next to her.
Some meds will cause dreaming did you start any thing new? I have started seeing a therapist because of anxiety and nightmares they are better now. I hope you find relief soon.
No been taking the same thing for years now. I was thinking of giving a therapist a try but I’m kinda not an ask for help kinda person but am quickly learning to ask. My dr. , this is a laugh, gave me gabapentin 300mg. Now mind you I do have nerve damage from a previous spinal surgery.
Marc, as a person with multiple health issues, who has also taken care of other family members during their various health battles, I can speak from both sides of the fence. I am going to be open and honest with you, it's just my way.
I was advised to do two things as a family member to someone ill that really helped.
1. Find someone detached from the situation who can hear your fears, concerns, and own struggles. Yes, I mean a good counselor. They will help you to vent, and then teach you skills to deal with what is going on, and what may happen eventually.
2. Make a long period of time for yourself, 1 day a week if you can, off duty as husband, and do something wonderful for yourself. Do you like to hike or fish? Take photos, go to the gym and work out, or stroll through art galleries? What brings you joy, and relieves stress for you? DO IT. And, unless a true emergency, this is sacred time, just for you. Non-negotiable.
These 2 things kept me sane, helped with anxiety and depression, and when I returned from my sacred time, I was a better daughter and mom to the people I took care of. I was refreshed, and it helped my responsibilities to not take a toll on my own well being.
Your feelings are real, you matter, and I'm so glad you had the courage to make this post. Keep posting, and let us be a support to you as well as your wife as you make life's journey together. You are not alone.
BTW, if you look at the top of the page, click on the word groups, there is one for family members of those with Lupus. It might be a great help to you.
huge hugs, and bless you for being such a caring and great partner to your wife.
Louise
Marc - Just to let you know that while lupus causes many pains and trips to the doctors and monitoring it isn't a death sentence. I have lived with lupus for more than two decades. Yes our life is altered from what it would be if I weren't
sick. My days and weeks are planned out plenty ahead of so that I can minimize exposures that cause my lupus flares and allergic reactions. But I can tell you I am having the time of my life. I am having so much fun. Don't look at the disease at what yous can no longer do. Look at what you two can do together. Start planning some fun - for hubby and me it is usually some event once a month for photo shoots - dancers, amusement parks, flea markets, zoo, etc. We look forward to that time and plan. We can't spend the entire day but those hours we have are a total blast. When you lay down at night you will begin to think and plan more of these days. When you take your waking moments and plan the fun your sleeping times will continue along this path. And if the day comes and there is a flare up then we always just push it back a week or two or another available month. Do computer searches together and start planning the fun. It doesn't have to be a major event - just something you two could enjoy together. With all the health issues I have I am totally enjoying life. Yes - I would love not to be sick but I am - so I always make sure that while it is a part of who I am -
lupus is not me and doesn't define me. Find something you two have always wanted to do and have a blast!
Hello Marc,
Try and listen to your wife more and the drug gabapentin 300mg came out for treating seizures and is now used as a painkiller...i've stated this so many times that seizure meds given to people who don't suffer them...can start having them out the blue as seizure meds can cause this issue.
You seem to be having panic attacks to me through the night and with the worry of your wife your minds not resting to how it should be...i'd see about councilling and you need proper meds for pain also and i would ask about a mild sleeping tablet just enough to carm your cells down in your brain to help you sleep better.
As all this stress won't help you or your wife.
Terri :)
Marc Willette said:
No been taking the same thing for years now. I was thinking of giving a therapist a try but I'm kinda not an ask for help kinda person but am quickly learning to ask. My dr. , this is a laugh, gave me gabapentin 300mg. Now mind you I do have nerve damage from a previous spinal surgery.
Just wanted to say thank you to all of you out there who have given advise as to my dreams. It has helped. No dreams at all last night. I’ve been reading alot of blogs and discussions just to help relieve some stress off my shoulders. You ladies have surely helped alot but I know I will need more help in the future. To everyone out there, your illness will forever be in my prayers for better days to come.
October 27 in san Francisco is the lupus walk, my wife and I will be attending and I plan on starting a donation for the lupus foundation. I feel like I can’t do enough to help out. Thank you so much
Marc thank you from all of us 
I am pleased you did'nt dream lastnight and your mind was more settled...the more info you find out and read about concerning Lupus...it will help you and your wife because we do go through alot but we all suffer in different degrees.
I do hope the walk and fund raising goes well and when you do it..keep your wife topped up with water alot to stop any dehydration and best of luck and we're all here for you anytime.
Terri :)
Marc Willette said:
Just wanted to say thank you to all of you out there who have given advise as to my dreams. It has helped. No dreams at all last night. I've been reading alot of blogs and discussions just to help relieve some stress off my shoulders. You ladies have surely helped alot but I know I will need more help in the future. To everyone out there, your illness will forever be in my prayers for better days to come.
October 27 in san Francisco is the lupus walk, my wife and I will be attending and I plan on starting a donation for the lupus foundation. I feel like I can't do enough to help out. Thank you so much
Hi Marc,
I'm glad that you posted this and that you are such a caring supportive husband. Welcome to our group.
Marc,
Thoughts of negativity or doom and gloom can come from medications also. I'm speaking from personal experience with rx meds, even some herbals that caused me to have blood and guts and death dreams and thoughts in the past.
Professional guidance may be helpful to sort through and explore what may be causing this to happen to you. They can figure out if it is induced by something you are ingesting or if it is an emotional issue.
Everyone reacts to chronic illness in a different way.
Also, when I start getting negative thoughts, I pray and ask God for protection and this is my main attack on negativity of any kind. I also avoid reading, watching violent or depressing media or books, especially before bedtime, and avoid negative type people.
Don't blow it off. You can be sure there is a source to this problem that you are having. I know how frightening this can be.
You will be in my prayers.
Ally
If you were ever going to reach out you came to the right place. People here are just unbelievably compassionate and kind. Stick with this site and you will be able to get through this journey. I haven't been able to visit till just a moment ago and I read your post. I have recently been through so much with my own illness, I can hear your words also coming from my husband's mouth. From my own observation I can see how nervous he is dealing with me. I suggested that he might want to go talk to a counselor because he needed a sounding board. Someone to listen to his fears and concerns. The counselor was wonderful to him and I could tell a big difference in his behavior. Our husbands are our rocks but you must take care of yourselves so you can continue to be there when times get rough and if you are able to give a smile to us it fills us with the strength and courage. I am here to thank you from all our hearts for standing by your wife. Enjoy the good days she has and hopefully she will be able to find the right meds to help her feel better.
Take care.