I am looking for some positive, non-whiny way to let my boss and co-workers know that I'm frustrated with the lack of understanding I'm getting from them. I am a nurse in a very busy outpatient clinic. We are a staff of 4 including our Physician. I never call in sick and whenever necessary I stay late to help or work through lunch. I'm the oldest one there (57) and it has become expected of me to cover for the Med. Asst. and the appointment desk whenever needed. I have had to cancel my own doctor appointments to fill in and have had to cancel plans to stay late and help. I'm not given this consideration from them and it's really starting to affect my mood at work. Can anyone help me find a non confrontational way to express this? Thanks for any and all ideas. jeanne
Next time I would just explain I have a doctors appointment that has been scheduled since ---- and I can not reschedule it. If you are not required to stay late don't People often get used to us doing things then they expect us to keep doing them Explain to them you are unable to do these things any more. I have found since I have been of work since july my family expects more of me and I finally sat them down one day and told them yes I have been doing these things but now am unable to.
Hello, I thnk u should just tell them. I’m 37 years old I am a RN , I worked in the endo lab, I never said no, I worked over time,on- call ,replacing call ins anything you name. That’s actually how I found out I have lupus! My hands would swell I lost tons of hair I thought it was stress, but my dr told me carpal tunnel so I had surgeries b/l and of course they still swell and numb. I say all this to say, your health is worth more, you have to care for yourself!!! I have gvn 15 strong years to medicine 10 as a RN, my body is broken down I’m at home sick and that building is still there and surely someone is there to replace me, it’s hard when u are an overachiever or you simply like to get the job done, but one of the wisest men that graced the earth stated it is all vanity!!! That would be King Solomon , it’s vanity , you work hard , they use u up and when your broken, they replace you, funny , but true. I was hurt , however I caused it on my self because I should’ve heard my body speak , but I didn’t!! Listen to your body, know your limitations , that job will be there, but there is only one YOU!!
Do you have a calendar posted as an organizational tool? You post your appointments - and stick to them. If you are having to cover for these other areas, and staying late - perhaps they need more help? A floater or part time person? If you continue to do - they don't see the need. You need to put yourself first, they aren't.
Jeanne,
Prescious words are wise, listen to them. I, too, worked in the medical field as an RN for eighteen years and put myself last, employer and patients always came first. I never learned to say no, and listen to my body. It was screaming for help but I ignored it. I paid dearly for it. I am three years older than you and our bodies can only take so much burden. Practice saying no to your employer from now on. If they do not cooperate with you, knowing that you have medical issues, then your next step is to find employment where it would be easier on your body. In life, sometime, we have to let go of things. Don't look at the money either! I'm sick now, and all the money that I saved has been spent on trying to regain my health, so what did I accomplish but to make my life a misery.
Think deeply about this because the decisions that you make now map out what your future will be.
God bless you. You'll be in my prayers.
Ally
Hi! As you know , dealing with people is a hard thing to do! But when you don’t have the support from the place that see your face all the time -work , they know you personally , and it is hard sometimes not to say things to people in a toned way -BUT there are moments that you have to Let people know the bottom line of how you are feeling , and going through and they have to give you respect! So don’t hold things in , of course it is about you n your health …Beverly L.
I think advice of the others is correct. I would let your boss know as soon as you do about your medical appts, making sure you see them write them down. Most work places either have a work calendar to note such things usually going through your boss or supervisor. If they give you any kind of hassle, just say sorry it is important.
People at jobs tend to run over those that they can easily. They rarely take on the people who will stand up for themselves. So make it important to yourself...so much you will stand up if you must. If this is too hard for you right now, you can ask your doctor to write a letter telling you work that you must attend all medical appointments. This should stop it as legally by law you have the right to go to doctor's visits, if you had to get your doctor write a letter, well says something about both your work not following laws and yourself. I also see a counselor if you can about learning how to assert yourself. Not be a witch but just be able to stand up for yourself.
As to the other jobs, the desk thing...is this a job that someone is suppose to be scheduled to work or one that they have not hired a replacement? If it is a job that is extra open to all, i would ask that all of you share it during the day instead of just you as it it is putting too much on you. Again..your doctor can include stuff like that in the letter..like no extra shift work, or extra jobs...that you can do your job as RN but not extra desk jobs.
One thing i never did was use my lupus as excuse why i could not do a job. But i wanted to still learn new jobs or do new jobs. I did not want them to think of me as limited. Now that was me and just where i was in my job.
I hope you find it in yourself to assert your voice to them and your co workers as needed so you do not feel walked over. No one likes being a doormat. I do not agree like many do, that if person allows it it is okay to treat them that way. I think it we should treat all as we want to be treated. but many others do believe that other way..always surprised me how many. i wish you the best in finding your voice and using it!! i am positive you can and will!!
I agree so far with everyone and would only add that when requesting the time off for appointments, I would ask how far in advance for their planning do they need notification for that time and then present one or two problem solving possibilities related to adequate staff coverage. That shows conscientiousness with boundaries when presenting your need. You remind me of me. A good work ethic and selflessness has not been a friend to me. In 2007 I had a beautiful remission from the immense protein loss due to my kidney involvement, so I went back to my corporate job of 10 years. Only to do more harm then good. I too am a yes I can do anything above and beyond employee and did. 4 yrs later, one merge, other stressors, and I wound up worse then in the beginning with anemia, calcium loss from bones, protein sky rocketed beyond 7G and my condition went from acute to chronic, more meds etc. I have always had issues with setting boundaries with employers and family. My employer threw my hrs from 45/wk to 8 or ten after the non amicable merge with a non union compaany. That stress almost sent me over but I started my own business and still contribute to the family financially. Looking back it was a blessing in disguise....Take care of you first, set the boundaries needed with a smile and don't be afraid to ask for what you need. I use to hate when people said that to me in the beginning because it sounds selfish and ego centric but it is the TRUTH!!!
Blessings~
Donna
I am absolutely overwhelmed with the number of responses to my post. I can't thank you all enough for the careful thoughts, compassion, and wonderful suggestions you have given me. It's so comforting to hear that even though I don't get the support I need at work, I get it from others, ALL OF YOU! I appreciate you all taking the time to read my post and respond with your caring and supportive remarks. I take all of your remarks very seriously and will work on incorporating them into how I deal with my co-workers and employer. Thank you all and GOD bless each of you. Jeanne
Vonvonlisa said:
I just posted to send you the positive vibes but I don't see it here yet.. I am new here maybe that's why, ha
Your don't want to complain topic shows that you really want to take care of yourself, that's good to see so sending you more positive vibes to you...
jeannem said: I got them! Thank you and I will use them!!
Vonvonlisa said:I just posted to send you the positive vibes but I don't see it here yet.. I am new here maybe that's why, ha
Your don't want to complain topic shows that you really want to take care of yourself, that's good to see so sending you more positive vibes to you...
Dvdom3 said:
I agree so far with everyone and would only add that when requesting the time off for appointments, I would ask how far in advance for their planning do they need notification for that time and then present one or two problem solving possibilities related to adequate staff coverage. That shows conscientiousness with boundaries when presenting your need. You remind me of me. A good work ethic and selflessness has not been a friend to me. In 2007 I had a beautiful remission from the immense protein loss due to my kidney involvement, so I went back to my corporate job of 10 years. Only to do more harm then good. I too am a yes I can do anything above and beyond employee and did. 4 yrs later, one merge, other stressors, and I wound up worse then in the beginning with anemia, calcium loss from bones, protein sky rocketed beyond 7G and my condition went from acute to chronic, more meds etc. I have always had issues with setting boundaries with employers and family. My employer threw my hrs from 45/wk to 8 or ten after the non amicable merge with a non union compaany. That stress almost sent me over but I started my own business and still contribute to the family financially. Looking back it was a blessing in disguise....Take care of you first, set the boundaries needed with a smile and don't be afraid to ask for what you need. I use to hate when people said that to me in the beginning because it sounds selfish and ego centric but it is the TRUTH!!!
Blessings~
Donna
jeannem said:
Thank you Donna, I know what you're saying and I back down too easily. I need to let them know that I too, have a body that has pain and won't be able to perform my duties if not allowed to take care of it. Thank you for your response. Jeanne
Dvdom3 said:I agree so far with everyone and would only add that when requesting the time off for appointments, I would ask how far in advance for their planning do they need notification for that time and then present one or two problem solving possibilities related to adequate staff coverage. That shows conscientiousness with boundaries when presenting your need. You remind me of me. A good work ethic and selflessness has not been a friend to me. In 2007 I had a beautiful remission from the immense protein loss due to my kidney involvement, so I went back to my corporate job of 10 years. Only to do more harm then good. I too am a yes I can do anything above and beyond employee and did. 4 yrs later, one merge, other stressors, and I wound up worse then in the beginning with anemia, calcium loss from bones, protein sky rocketed beyond 7G and my condition went from acute to chronic, more meds etc. I have always had issues with setting boundaries with employers and family. My employer threw my hrs from 45/wk to 8 or ten after the non amicable merge with a non union compaany. That stress almost sent me over but I started my own business and still contribute to the family financially. Looking back it was a blessing in disguise....Take care of you first, set the boundaries needed with a smile and don't be afraid to ask for what you need. I use to hate when people said that to me in the beginning because it sounds selfish and ego centric but it is the TRUTH!!!
Blessings~
Donna
Great advice for anyone who is struggling with this. I see there were many people who viewed my post. That in itself tells me I'm not the only one who is going through this. This is such a great place to vent and get validation. Thanks so much. Jeanne
siskiyousis said:
I think advice of the others is correct. I would let your boss know as soon as you do about your medical appts, making sure you see them write them down. Most work places either have a work calendar to note such things usually going through your boss or supervisor. If they give you any kind of hassle, just say sorry it is important.
People at jobs tend to run over those that they can easily. They rarely take on the people who will stand up for themselves. So make it important to yourself...so much you will stand up if you must. If this is too hard for you right now, you can ask your doctor to write a letter telling you work that you must attend all medical appointments. This should stop it as legally by law you have the right to go to doctor's visits, if you had to get your doctor write a letter, well says something about both your work not following laws and yourself. I also see a counselor if you can about learning how to assert yourself. Not be a witch but just be able to stand up for yourself.
As to the other jobs, the desk thing...is this a job that someone is suppose to be scheduled to work or one that they have not hired a replacement? If it is a job that is extra open to all, i would ask that all of you share it during the day instead of just you as it it is putting too much on you. Again..your doctor can include stuff like that in the letter..like no extra shift work, or extra jobs...that you can do your job as RN but not extra desk jobs.
One thing i never did was use my lupus as excuse why i could not do a job. But i wanted to still learn new jobs or do new jobs. I did not want them to think of me as limited. Now that was me and just where i was in my job.
I hope you find it in yourself to assert your voice to them and your co workers as needed so you do not feel walked over. No one likes being a doormat. I do not agree like many do, that if person allows it it is okay to treat them that way. I think it we should treat all as we want to be treated. but many others do believe that other way..always surprised me how many. i wish you the best in finding your voice and using it!! i am positive you can and will!!
Hello, just hang in there , and do what is Best for you -BUT don't get stressed out -SMILE ...Beverly L.