About a week ago, I posted about my employer seeming like they (she) are forcing me to file for ADA accommodations. My direct supervisor told me that I was reading too much into her emails and that she was only trying to support me in keeping my job. Today, she asked me about why I didn't respond timely to an email that I received 5 months ago. I was able to tell her that I had responded and had completed the task, which I was asked to do. It seems that she is nit-picking and looking for things she can use to force me to asking for accommodations or even filing for disability. She is younger than I am and is just starting a family. She has no understanding, although she tries to make it look like she does (just like she is supportive). I hate feeling so paranoid...so I may have made a major mistake....I finally explained lupus fog to her, against my better judgment. She seems a bit skeptical. I just can't win with her! I may have really messed up this time. She's going to use that against me - oh, but that's right - I have the wrong impression - she's not trying to get rid of me. I feel like I'm just completely losing it...again. Why do I let that happen??? So disappointed in myself!
jdt
I suggest that you document everything you do. If you don't keep a journal, now is the time to start. Keep a notepad at your desk, and just write down tasks, phone calls etc. Use something that you can stick in your purse and take it with you so you can write down anything you think to add later. If you haven't notified HR that you have a disability, you should do so. You don't want your supervisor claiming ignorance that "she didn't know". Do you have your current job description? If not, request one from HR. Do you have any disciplinary actions in your file? I would forward copies of her emails to a personal email account that you can access at home.
You shouldn't feel disappointed in yourself, you should be disappointed with your supervisor. I have been through this, and to tell you the truth, I am so much happier away from there. My employer terminated me in May after they couldn't or wouldn't accommodate my restrictions. Take one day at a time, and you will live through this.
You know what everyone can make mistakes without even having Lupus. I understand the paranoia, but you are being way to hard on yourself. What I have found at my work is to CYA. Keep all your email correspondence with her and start making a journal of your conversations. If she does ever try to get rid of you that makes it a lot more difficult if you have proof of her nit-picking or shall we call it harassment. Also, keep notes and correspondence about the work you are doing. If you have a system in place, it makes it easier to get your work done. I'm so sorry you are so upset by this, but again don't lay it all at your doorstep. People make mistakes, its just how you handle it afterwards that makes the difference. You are obviously a diligent employee, don't let her make you feel otherwise.
I also sometimes feel like my employer just wants me to leave, but that's their problem. I want to continue to work for as long as I can. Please don't feel bad about what happened. You did what you did to try to resolve the situation. I would also trust your intuition. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.
I agree with everything mentioned above but I also suggest that you read up on reasonable accommodation and the Americans with Disabilities Act. It will make you feel better because you will know you have rights as a person with a disabling condition and you will have a better idea of what to expect from your employer. They also have rights and responsibilities to you as an employee. I asked for a reasonable accommodation and eventually got one. Likely due to my employer realizing I was knowledgeable about my rights.
I can relate to everything you are going through! I was in your shoes....and it is stressful....especially when you are a dedicated employee and only trying to do the right thing. You must take good care of yourself. All of the advice you have received today from the two messages is spot on. Keep us posted. XXOO LupanCat
I too suffered from a similar type boss (she made it clear that she was my BOSS) - It stressed me so much that I had a major flare. I had to take an illness leave, then they gave me several accommodations and a new assignment! Please, Please, PLEASE follow the advice from the others that have posted - your health is your most important concern - Document what you can. Make it easy like a list of behaviors that you can make a tally mark and date - anything to ease you through this...
Lisa
It's difficult to work with a chronic disease like Lupus. I worked for several yrs after diagnosis. It was no picnic. I don't know your Supervisor but it sounds like she's concerned about trying to help you. You should probably make an appt with Human Resources to have a talk about your condition. Find out about the Disabilities act which protects those working with disabilities. As far as accomodations she may be just trying to make your job easier, i.e if you type an ergonomic key board. Think positive. She can't force you to go on disability. That's between you & your physician. I worked at my last job for 18 yrs, had numerous times off for lupus flare ups, hospitalizations & never did anyone make me feel like I needed to go on permanent disability. I think honesty is the best policy, come from a place of willingness to work with your employer to accommodate your disease. Good Luck
It makes sense to feel anger and defensiveness about pressing your privacy on a major issue you spend all your life’s energy on managing! Worries about workplsce discimination are real, and I don’t know your boss’s tactics around the office… But in general the ADA helps you and gives you MORE protection from discrimination without hurting you. A boss who is interested is probably being supportive, not to mention that forcing you to fill out protection-oriented paperwork and using it to get rid of you is exactly the discrimination it’s designed to protect you from.
Are you aware that anxiety and this persistent, light-duty paranoia you describe often comes along with the territory, since lupus affects the brain (as it does to dome extent or another in all of us loopy lupies!) It seems to me that perhaps anxiety about your job security and the constant need to judge when keep your disabilities and health challenges private, both totally reasonable fears to have, are manifesting as concerns that the boss herself has it in for you, which seems not very reasonable to me. If your mind has her pegged as enemy or the origin of the anxieties (which should be given enough credit to just exist without someone “causing” them… The difficulty of working with lupus is reason enough to have them!), everything she says will be taken as an indicator of antagonism, criticism, etc. rather than the possibility that she is concerned for you and your success (people generally care about people, especially when they work closely together…) and simply doesn’t know how to handle it sensitively.
Of course she can’t “understand” when you are hiding it all from her, both your limitations and your experience of those limitations, but the fact that she wants to is something I take as a really good sign. What I’d say is a boss to be afraid of is one that says “I don’t care what the explanation or excuse may be, just get it done and keep your personal problems outside the office…” etc. Then you’d know you can’t win and need to work elsewhere. If you know you’re doing a good job, keep doing it and set up protections and alternative options with the ADA so you will be supported in continuing in this job in spite of greater challenges or some accommodations required for you to do it well. Perhaps they’ll be required to find something you can do well if your current job doesn’t keep working out for some reason, or at least that your short and long term disability is likely to work immediately if you have a major flare (and that you won’t be fired because of absenteeism… Do you have FMLA filed also? You should! And it can be private between you and HR.)
Aside from this specific case, a note on these thinking patterns in general… I know them well! When I’m having a symptom flare, it often includes disorganized and paranoid thinking, which I realize only after I come out of it. Paranoia is a really difficult thing to shake, since you’re stuck within that frame of reference trying to tell if you are or aren’t! Even if you don’t think aliens have cradle-swapped your children or that your family is trying to poison you when they help you take your meds (although that can happen with the combo of meds and brain dysfunction!), your fixed perceptions of your boss’s behavior might have more to do with anxiety of your own than what she is trying to “do to you”. Remember, you can’t know someone’s motives, and HR is a good place to discuss work culture concerns. If you have a therapist, tell them what your boss says and then how you react to it to feedback on whether you are interpreting it with more complication or negativity than it carries in and of itself. It may have been constructively critical, but you are adding layers, like an onion, of fear of its implications, anger it’s happening to you when you are trying so hard and doing pretty well, hopelessness about finding a solution, etc. You’re so right to be reflecting on this, stick with it!
Faladora
One more note, it can make a big difference in any relationship, including a workplace relationship, to be open and acknowledge weaknesses/struggles and to ask for support for them. Being stubborn about managing all on one’s own, and especially being guarded/secretive, can leave the other person feeling like they have no chance if getting anywhere working with you. It is a real concern that anything you say will be used against you, and it’s true it probably will to some extent… So it’s a delicate balance. These things might be good to discuss with HR, since they have some obligations to maintain your privacy and plenty of experience handling boss-employee relationships, including the extra challenges of medical conditions and disabilities 
Find some support so you can feel like you’re among friends instead of among enemies at work. At the very least, it will make each day easier to get through, and at best, it will help you form more productive relationships in and outside of work and even address some thought patterns that bring you more stress you don’t need!
I say/know about all of these things because they are what I struggled greatly with in my recent jobs, family and romantic relationships and did intensive work on in therapy, meditation courses and otherwise over the last 6 months. I am in no way a master of it, but I do watch out for when I’m getting stuck in it (just like you are by talking about it!) Again, I don’t mean to say your workplace fears are all imagined; rather, the reasons for concern are very real and very crucial, this you have significant anxiety over them, which gets in the way of managing the concerns successfully. At no point are you “inventing” things to worry about, just like none of us dreams up our symptoms… Yet in both cases axing the anxiety factor will make the problems much easier to solve. This is extra hard when our physical illness causes brain-based vulnerability to anxiety and perhaps allows it become full-on paranoia. Basically, to keep showing up to fight the fight at all we are all big heroes Hope you can use some of my assessments as tools to make your fight a little easier, you certainly deserve the break!!
Faladora/Brynn
Lots of good advice here BUT when you are documenting everything, as I think you should, take it home with you EVERY night. My husband was in a situation and he was documenting and I begged him to bring it home because of my work situation that I was going through also and I told him not to trust anyone! He did not go to HR (He was a manager in an office), Well, he went home early one day, called me at work that he was very scared and I rushed home (after getting trouble about leaving and finally telling my boss my husband was in big trouble...that he could understand okay). I ended up getting him to our family doctor and we had to admit him to a psych ward. He had a total nervous breakdown because of his boss. When he went back to work, his drawers had been ransacked and all his proof was gone. Everyone knew his boss did it but without proof no one could do a thing. He worked for a Fortune 500 company. I would not trust your boss at all...I've been there. Where I worked HR could not be trusted either. They blabbed everything. Two supervisors in the company I worked for witnessed the harassment I was getting and a couple of other people, reported to their divisions VP, who in turn talked to me then went to my divisions VP. He called me in and the only thing he was upset with was that I didn't go to him months and months before that. It ended up that it went to the CEO, he came to our site, had a talk with everyone in the building, fired the HR person there, and told all the supervisors they were on notice. Came right out in the big meeting and said he read all the reports on employees that were written up for nonsense stuff and found out that most of us were the top performers. (We all were phone Customer service reps). Then he told them that he thought they were a bunch of jealous biddies just like a bunch of women trying to work together in a kitchen. I thought for sure somebody would try to sue him but no one messed with this man because he was fair. He was a typical Chicago business man and this all happened in IL.
I don't trust anyone in the business world like I once did. I had never had a problem at a job and neither did my husband until we both got new supervisors after working at our companies for years. They wanted to make a name for themselves and we were one of the rungs on their ladder. I had been with the company about 7 years where as my husband had over 20 in with a perfect record and near perfect attendance. Soooo, finally, be very aware and don't trust her. I do not think she has your best interest at heart. Sorry to disagree with some here but it is my humble opinion.
Trisha, can you get any help from the EEOC on them firing you?
Trisha said:
jdt
I suggest that you document everything you do. If you don't keep a journal, now is the time to start. Keep a notepad at your desk, and just write down tasks, phone calls etc. Use something that you can stick in your purse and take it with you so you can write down anything you think to add later. If you haven't notified HR that you have a disability, you should do so. You don't want your supervisor claiming ignorance that "she didn't know". Do you have your current job description? If not, request one from HR. Do you have any disciplinary actions in your file? I would forward copies of her emails to a personal email account that you can access at home.
You shouldn't feel disappointed in yourself, you should be disappointed with your supervisor. I have been through this, and to tell you the truth, I am so much happier away from there. My employer terminated me in May after they couldn't or wouldn't accommodate my restrictions. Take one day at a time, and you will live through this.
My state is a right to work state, they can fire for any reason. I could have gone to the EEOC, but at the time I was so sick all I could concentrate on was getting better. I just didn't have the energy to fight it, and I didn't want my old job back it was too physical for me.
I have been through the whistle blower's protection - at another job and survived all that went along with that. I went through a company trying to fight a union organization, my ex-husband was organizing. They demoted him from maintenance to a janitor, and I was downsized at the first opportunity. I was embarrassed by a bosses' sexual remark in a meeting - I was the only female present to. Yes, there are laws to protect us, but they don't always do it.
I would not trust a supervisor to have your best interest at heart, and want to help.
I understand that totally, Trisha. Illinois is the same way and I quit my job rather then fight for my right to long term disability and the fact that they would not help me with a couple of small things I needed for my health issues. I too was too tired to fight.
Don't get me wrong, I don't think all employers are against me. I have had some very good bosses, one job in particular I wish I had never left. My last employer was vocal about the fact that if you don't like it here, I can have someone to take your place tomorrow. Our economy won't always be this way, but with so many applicants for a single job an employer can take us for granted.
Trisha is right. Document everything and use it not only a record but for your own ability to do your job. The ADA requires that they make accommodations for people with disabilities. If they can provide a large screen computer monitor for someone with a vision issue, they can provide you a tape recorder or a notebook.
It also may help to inform your supervisor that although "lupus fog" can occur with lupus patients, medications can be quite helpful in this area and I know that from experience. I couldn't put a sentence together 6 months ago and it's only been in the last couple of months that I have gotten some of my cognitive function back.
You've gotten some good advice. Kira is right, we all mess up and Faladora is correct in explaining that because you have a chronic condition, it does not make you unable to do your job. People with amputations, diabetes, etc (all chronic conditions) continue to work. I think it's just not having the knowledge about the disease so that your employer knows what to expect.
Also, keep in mind, as a side note that people with lupus can sometimes take things said in the wrong way from what is meant.
As I said you have gotten a lot of good advice and I do hope some of it helps.
hugs,
DeAnne