December used to be a very happy, spirited time of year for me. I will admit I have not been in the holiday spirit for many years. I was hopeful that this year was going to be different, but this morning I opened up a keepsake tin box, after having difficulty getting the lid open, and peered inside and I wanted to cry. Even as I write this now, I'm teary. I found my childhood holiday candles, had melted together. You can still tell what they are, but they are one. My favorite is a little angel, laying on a yellow half moon sleeping. These candles are 50 years old or more, and I used to play with them, and the little red and green Santa's elves, and the Santa of which I don't know where they are.
My Christmas tree is up and decorated. Something I haven't done in many years... my daughter always decorated it. My children are on their own, and I'm as sad as can be. I put up the cute little ornaments they made in kindergarten on the tree, and I want to be back to that time, and hold them in my lap and snuggle. I want to see my mother once more, and hug her. I know that part of my depression right now is from the exhaustion I'm experiencing since I've returned to working. I rested all day yesterday, and got a peaceful nap. My plan is the same for today.
As I unpacked ornaments from my past and now my mother in law's keepsakes into our collection, I decided to take some of the ornaments and gift a set to each of my children connecting the past and our future.
Hi Trisha! I have been wondering where you were. Where are you working? I understand about the lack of enthusiasm for Christmas. I was that way for several years until this year. I am enthusiastic but my body won't let me do much. We won't be here so I am not doing much decorating except for outside and hopefully my snowman collection my hubby will get out for me. I too cherish those days when the kids were young and so exuberant. They would start waking us in the very early morning hours and we had to keep sending them back to bed. One year we had a foster baby with us and he was only about a month old and I was feeding him and he was looking at the Christmas tree lights with huge eyes. My 3 sons came wandering out and I had to tell them it wasn't time to get up so instead they all snuggled in against the baby and was kissing and hugging him until they almost fell asleep draping around us. It is one of my fondest memories.
It is too bad about your candles. Hold them in your heart. Your treasures always remain safe there. Hugs, Reet
I understand, completely. I haven’t had a Christmas tree in a few years. I’m single, my mom won’t talk to me much as she thinks lupus is just mental, I should probably just take a chemical imbalance pill. Has told the rest of my family to leave me alone. I spent Thanksgiving with a friend because I can’t drive to my family it’s too far for me. My family won’t come here even though I asked, they say I’m lazy. I’m a hopeless and miss the days of doing anything to all be together for Christmas, call me crazy when my mom was sick I drove all night to be with her all the time. Spent Christmas in bed with her. I miss it but resting is so good too, I love the extra days off no tree up for me again. I don’t have the strength… Less cleaning later…I drive the long way home from work and see all the decorated houses…so it’s all good!
M
I haven’t decorated since 2006. We were living in this horrible rental house, and a number of personal tragedies, including the death of my dog, my mother-in-law, & one of my dearest friends, all happened in the month or so before that Christmas. We left our decorations all packed up in the storage room off the carport, & never decorated again while were in that house. We managed to finally buy a nice house in Fall of 2009, & I thought, “great, we can finally have Christmas again!” As we moved in, I was planning where I’d put the tree. Then my husband arrived with one last blow from that awful house: the storage room had a roof leak, and all of our decorations had gotten soaked, molded, & ruined. I was devastated - not for the tree or the tinsel or replaceable stuff, but for the heirloom things, the ones I’d made as a child, the ones my daughter had made, the ones that had years and years of memories attached to them. We’ve talked about buying new stuff in the post-holiday sales, but somehow we’ve never managed to summon the enthusiasm, (or to have any surplus cash leftover after Christmas, especially since we have 3 January birthdays right afterwards to buy for! LOL) The loss of the things doesn’t depress me terribly like it used to - when all is said & done, they were just things, and I still have my memories, but it will always pinch a bit.
I love your idea of dividing and sharing your treasures - what a lovely & generous idea, in perfect keeping with the spirit of the holidays. <3
Bless your hearts.....DH and I rarely decorate anymore....I'm not up to it and he has lost all interest since we lost most of our parents. We don't have any children and have very little family left. This is my most favorite time of year, but I don't have the energy to do the things that used to bring such joy. Instead, I take each day as it comes and pray that tomorrow will be a good day.
I can't bring back the past.....just pray that the next day will be a good one. The toxic and negative people have been let go and it is such a huge relief to not have that stress any longer.
Hi Trisha, what a beautiful idea with connecting past with future and making sets to give to your children.
This is my first year that I have NO enthusiasm to decorate. Took out a small counter sized nativity set last week, but thats it so far. My extended family is a wreck. Its the first time we are not getting together because basically noone is getting along. We use to enjoy and love one another but the revelation of who my parents have picked for execution of their will while they are still alive has caused in some of my siblings hurt, anger, division and surfaced old sibling rivalries. I have tried to be a peacemaker in it all and that has wound up smacking me in the face. In addition, my dear 11 year old Golden Retriever just died this past Friday night on my birthday, in my lap and hands. Although I didn’t have the spirit prior, I am now in the pit. I can’t stop crying and have a hard time accomplishing anything. This sadness is overwhelming. I am so mad at how some of my older siblings are treating our parents. Two have stopped coming around for over a year. It’s extremely hurtful to my parents and they are going to regret not cherishing family one day when it’s too late. One sister severed the relationship w/me after a minor misunderstanding that turned ugly. Even though she’s toxic for me I still love her.
I understand loving the toxic people....that may never stop....it just isn't healthy to have the stress of interacting with them when they abuse you....I've had to step back when my family members fight....3 of them get into it and I'm sitting there in tears....they are fighting with each other...not about me, but the idea of these family members getting into it just makes me nuts and I can't be around it. When they start acting up, I leave.
So very sorry to hear about your precious furbaby passing away.......please try and take care of YOU...you've been through so much!
I am so sorry about the unrest in your family. It is such an awful thing to happen. I pray that this conflict resolves itself quickly.
Dvdom3 said:
Hi Trisha, what a beautiful idea with connecting past with future and making sets to give to your children. This is my first year that I have NO enthusiasm to decorate. Took out a small counter sized nativity set last week, but thats it so far. My extended family is a wreck. Its the first time we are not getting together because basically noone is getting along. We use to enjoy and love one another but the revelation of who my parents have picked for execution of their will while they are still alive has caused in some of my siblings hurt, anger, division and surfaced old sibling rivalries. I have tried to be a peacemaker in it all and that has wound up smacking me in the face. In addition, my dear 11 year old Golden Retriever just died this past Friday night on my birthday, in my lap and hands. Although I didn't have the spirit prior, I am now in the pit. I can't stop crying and have a hard time accomplishing anything. This sadness is overwhelming. I am so mad at how some of my older siblings are treating our parents. Two have stopped coming around for over a year. It's extremely hurtful to my parents and they are going to regret not cherishing family one day when it's too late. One sister severed the relationship w/me after a minor misunderstanding that turned ugly. Even though she's toxic for me I still love her.
I also feel a little down this xmas. It’s because I was diagnosed this time last year but I do my best to give thanks for what I do have and not what I don’t. I have my job I’m also able to give my kids and grangchildren beautiful gifts but most of all I am grateful for my doctors and their care. If I lived in another country I might not have acess to medicine or anything else. I always feel better when I count my blessing
I understand the mixed feelings all of you express about decorating. I find myself 'kinda' in the spirit of things as this is the first Christmas in about 3 that I could afford to buy for others. It made me happy to do that, but I find no enthusiasm for putting up the tree, outside lights or sending cards....It's not that I'm against these things. I just find that with so much having happened this year that the shock of it all is catching up to me. I'm thankful to spend it with my loved ones and all- but my zip to 'go all out' isn't there. Maybe it's the lack of energy..idk. But I do know this: Despite the things and people that have hurt me, there are people that care for me and I for them. I'm thankful to come here and find validation and understanding in a world that sometimes doesn't offer much. But as stated in several posts here, cherish good memories. No one or nothing can take them from you. Know you aren't alone in this struggle with this thing called Lupus. As for the harder times and people we face, decide what is worth your energy or 'spoons'....give only to that which deserves you. To those of you that would like one: I send you a big (and gentle) hug.
Dvdome3,so sorry for the loss of you dog, it’s such a painful loss,we lost our female Dalmatian a couple Xmas ago,she was 17 and we lost our male 15 the same year,so I feel sad for you…we now have a male Dalmatian,my husband drove all the way to standpoint Idaho last Xmas to get me this dog he says will be my service dog,I just giggle at him,I don’t see any service he can do for me,except cause more messes,but he’s beautiful,try to have a good holiday and try not to be so sad…celeste
So sorry you are having a difficult time right now.....hang in there and rest as much as possible.....we all need de-stressing rest during the busy holidays !
I love the ornament gifting idea.......I need to do that too and it would really help me to "downsize" all of my Christmas boxes!
Wishing you a HAPPY and BLESSED holiday season.....You are in my prayers...
It is hard when our children leave the nest and we watch them try their wings. two of mine just flew back home for a few months, hopefully to learn to make better choices and get their lives into a more positive place. I like you have all kinds of keepsakes from their childhoods, I sit them around our home from time to time, they are surprised I kept them all. Have to be careful, or they will permanently borrow them!
You WILL adjust to your new schedule and find a new normal. I'm so happy for you that you cold return to work! That is awesome. Be patient with yourself and kind.
May the holidays be filled with love, and spark the beginning of a new higher road in your journey. Pleae take the time to take care of yourself, body, mind, and soul. You are a phenomenal woman, and I'm so glad to call you my friend.
Passing on keepsakes is a wonderful ideal dear. I feel bad because we haven’t even bothered to put up a tree this year. I have kittens and they will climb up the tree and break my ornaments. It happened last year and I lost a lot of them due to my kitties. I did see a great way to still have a tree, made out of tree lights. I’m gonna try that out.
I had someone tell me yesterday that I was gorgeous when I was younger, thanks ugh. I still feel pretty but yeah, change has been a big thing in my life the last few years. I have transformed into someone I don’t recognize but I’m doing everything I can to get my self back.
I sure hope you have a very, merry Chirstmas dear and that your children really are grateful about the keepsakes you are giving them. There are some things that really mean a lot to us and I know our childrrn understanding us and appreciating what we do for them or give them means so much. Hope that makes since. Stay blessed.
no tree up for me again. I don’t have the strength… Less cleaning later…I drive the long way home from work and see all the decorated houses…so it’s all good!