Eric is just so stubborn it's irritating. He's always been a driven person. One that wakes up at 5am EVERYDAY and starts his morning with a workout, then cooks, then cleans, then goes to work, then comes home and finds things to do around the house. It makes me dizzy. It's like, just sit down and relax already!
Now, that he has Lupus, he still tries to do this, but he's noticing he can't go as long or do things the way he used too. He's also lost quite a bit of weight. I don't think he's noticed it but when I wrap my arms around him, I feel a HUGE difference. I have not said anything... just trying to get some healthy fatty foods in his food.
He owns his own remodeling company and he's solo. I understand he has customers that he needs to keep his word with, but when he's feeling bad... I think he needs to stay home and rest so he doesn't over do it! Does he listen, nope. Those days are always bad, and I'm right there when he gets home.
Any advice on how to get him to slow down ... or how I can not be so pushy about taking it easy?
That is a really tough one. The hard part about it is that he is trying to wrap his mind around the limits he may be facing, and it isn't an easy thing to deal with at all. He may have to fight against it until he's ready to find compromises that will help him through his day. Perhaps you can suggest some options? Like... taking on some of the things he does at home? Or suggesting he wait until the end of the day to work out, to save his energy for work first, since his customers are important? It's hard, since it's a very personal and delicate balance to find between the two of you.
Is there maybe some of the work he could do at home on days he isn't feeling so good? Work out a more flexible schedule with his clients to allow for this?
I agree - he needs to find his own limits It is a very difficult thing to come to the realization that you can no longer do and that this is permanent You can help tremendously by seeing that less needs to be done by him and support that the house really doesn't need to be spotless, the world doesn't come to an end if the faucet drips for a couple of days, no one dies from the bubonic plague if the garbage can gets a little full, etc. Maybe taking him out for day trips etc will help promote him to relax and let go a little
My family is concerned because they know how he is. I told them that he's the stubborn type that is going to have to fall HARD on his own, probably several times, before he realizes what he can and cannot do. I hate how it's going to be like that, but there is nothing I can do about that. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing but he chooses not to tell his customers about the Lupus. He fears they will take the work away from him since he's "sick". I told him, the repeats and when it's really bad to where you have to reschedule… be honest. We shall see I guess.
Talencia said:
That is a really tough one. The hard part about it is that he is trying to wrap his mind around the limits he may be facing, and it isn't an easy thing to deal with at all. He may have to fight against it until he's ready to find compromises that will help him through his day. Perhaps you can suggest some options? Like... taking on some of the things he does at home? Or suggesting he wait until the end of the day to work out, to save his energy for work first, since his customers are important? It's hard, since it's a very personal and delicate balance to find between the two of you.
Is there maybe some of the work he could do at home on days he isn't feeling so good? Work out a more flexible schedule with his clients to allow for this?
LOL very true. I definitely help around the house. The part that sucks… we just bought a house that's a fixer upper so there is quite a bit of work to do and most of what needs to be done, I can't do or I don't know how. :-(
Well, now that we try not to drink… we have had and are still learning how to adjust our lives with activities. So, until we figure things out… we are homebody's and movie junkies! I'm cool with it and he is too.
I really want to take him fishing because he loves it, what man doesn't, but I worry about the sun. We live in Chicago so it's not hot right now.
poobie said:
I agree - he needs to find his own limits It is a very difficult thing to come to the realization that you can no longer do and that this is permanent You can help tremendously by seeing that less needs to be done by him and support that the house really doesn't need to be spotless, the world doesn't come to an end if the faucet drips for a couple of days, no one dies from the bubonic plague if the garbage can gets a little full, etc. Maybe taking him out for day trips etc will help promote him to relax and let go a little