I’ve been dx close to 2 years now and all of my male friends I had basically disappeared after I told them that I was dx. I’ve came across a guy that I’d dated 8 years ago that moved back but, in another city. We’ve been talking over the phone, I told him about my illness & he seemed acceptable of it until, he came up to visit me and saw how much my body has changed, weight gain, face and inflammation. I mean lupies!!! He gave me than “I’m sorry, what happened to u” look… He just hugged me for a long time, which I did need and haven’t felt a man in years. We laughed and talked for hours but, I think I might run him off too bc, i can’t drive or sit n a car more than a hour bc I start swelling, pain or flare up after trying to drive to visit him. I’m thinking it can b a deal broker for me, he said; we can just meet in the middle since I can’t drive long so, what’s a 39 yr old lady to do??
If you are emotionally strong enough to cope if it goes bad; I say have a go. Use common sense, trust your instincts & take it very slow. If you are meeting 1/2 way for example maybe an extra night scheduled so you can rest up prior to the date night.
Best Wishes to you. Kaz x
If you want to know how my sisters life was saved by a doctor at ohsu I’ll give you some more info. She’s been in remission now for around 5 yrs. from using a natural product. Take care, Jeff
People do go into remission. Try to focus on accomplishing that goal, and enjoying other aspects of your life for the time being. Things change, and Lupus can come and go. Dating can be brutal, no doubt about that. Dating is emotionally draining for the healthiest person.Sounds like you need all your recources to feel better.
I feel you should trust your instinct and go with the flow. Dont worry or stress yourself. Use common sense when trying to handle your issues. You should take the approach 'if he is understanding then he will adjust and be flexible'.
You should be strong and be prepared for anything--I mean you should be able to say that it was not meant to be in case it does not work out and not let it affect you.
Be strong and look forward to the miracles that happen everyday.
good luck to you:)
Avanch
I’m with Avanch. You shouldn’t let something you can’t control control your life. Sounds like this guy may be just the one you are looking for and if he is he will understand your limitations and accept you as is. No one is perfect with or without an illness. Sometimes being with someone that cares for you without judging is the best medicine. Going thru all the trials of lupus or any illness for that matter alone can be more stressful than dating. Don’t give up the chance to find happiness. Just call it some motherly advice since I have sons older than you. :0)
Youll find someone that will.like u just the way u are.
tjmckay....You have received some good advice. I met a wonderful man four years ago and I am still seeing him. There are some good ones out there. But it does take energy to go through the process of dating. You are young, so I say: nothing ventured=nothing gained. All the best, LupanCatwoman
Hang in there because you will feel better!! The meds will help a lot.
Why shouldn't Lupies date?! Lupies need lovin' too!! lol. You're going to come across many people who don't know how to deal with you having Lupus, but you will come across someone who won't care. And try not to take too much offense to his reaction-- I dealt with the same thing with people I hadn't seen in years when I was diagnosed, and in all reality, it's been YEARS since I saw them last & my physical appearance was truly different-- why should I be offended by their reaction. That is just my mindset. But don't give up on dating, and even if this guy ends up just being a friend, give it a go!!! Because like you said, for the most part, he was acceptable of it, and definitely so if he was even willing to compromise with you on travelling. What if you try taking something prior to driving, such as tylenol or anything else to try to control the potential pain and swelling you will get?? Just an idea. But anyways, you have nothing to lose!!!!!
I've been married for 16 years so maybe I'm wrong but my suggestion is to keep dating. You don't need to come out right away and say, hey, this is what I have and what's wrong with me. Just get to know that person and go do the things you can do. The right person that likes you for who you are will continue being your friend or dating you regardless of what you illness you have. When I met my husband, I had an illness and after dating him for 2 months, I told him. He didn't care. He asked questions and I gave him honest answers. Well, 16 years later, he still cares, takes care of me, is my best friend and supports me no matter what illness I have. If you come across someone worth keeping, they will see you and know you're a keeper too...no matter what!
Poker Face, Just a quick hello to say everything you write is so meaningful to me. You are articulate and wise---you help many with your posts and include me in that group. Sincerely, LupanCatwoman
Thank you all for your wisdom & advice. I appreciate all of you. I’m going to take my time & just go with the flow of things and if it’s meant to be than, so be it… We’ll what happens:)
My advice would be to keep dating. I was single for a long time because I got fed up of guys taking off or being inconsiderate jerks. I had pretty much given up when I met the man I’m with now. He’s so understanding and sweet. I think you just haven’t met the right person yet. There is someone out there for everyone. The right man won’t run away because you’re sick. Just keep your head up. My body has gone through so many changes thanks to medication. I’m not a skinny model and I never will be, but Kenny doesn’t care. He loves me how I am. I’m sure you will find that eventually too. Just remember, you’re worth it. I know that can be hard to do, but everyone deserves to be happy and have someone to love. Never give up! 