Insensitive doctor!

OMG!!! My 15 yo daughter’s PCP just told her to “cowboy up” and “get over it”! She has an autoimmune disorder! She hurts! The 1st rhuematologist I took her to started her on plaquenil due to high ANA and symptoms! I wanted answers not criticism! I did at least get a referral to pediatric rhuematologist just have to wait for appointment. What nerve!

Time for a new pcp. It is bad enough when doctors talk to us like we are 2 some times, but I think I would have lost it right there in the doctors office. I hope her appointment is soon.

SIGH So young to have a tough illness I am a firm believer that all docs should also have the illness to get a little insight. Have you used any NSAIDS (Motrin, Aleve) for the pain? It takes a few months for the Plaquenil to kick in Glad she is going to a ped rheumatologist but unfortunately unless there is organ damage going on not a lot out there to help Most of the high power meds carry a heavy price tag in terms of side effects and yes the meds can be worse than the disease.

I give her 3 ibuprofen morning and night but it doesn’t help. She has a lot of nausea/vomiting too and I know the NSAIDs don’t help that any. PCP also said she needed to get over her rape that happened a year ago and get off her psychiatric meds!

I am so sorry she had to deal with that kind of rudeness!! I have experienced that with the last 3 doctors I have seen. I am on my way to the 4th one in October. It really amazes me at how ignorant people can be!! I hope she can get into the pediatric rheumatologist soon. It makes you feel worse when they treat you as if your faking your pain. That is really bad for a dr. to do to a 15 yr. old girl.

Please let her know people are praying for her.


OK, I read this and was like "They said what to her?" I would be finding another pcp and also looking into filing an ethics report on this dr. That is ridiculous for a dr. to say to anyone, much less a young girl. You must have very good control because I think I might have went through the roof.

Good Luck to you,


Amy Russell said:

I give her 3 ibuprofen morning and night but it doesn't help. She has a lot of nausea/vomiting too and I know the NSAIDs don't help that any. PCP also said she needed to get over her rape that happened a year ago and get off her psychiatric meds!

Omg!!! How highly inappropriate and extremely unprofessional. I would not hesitate to report him to the board! You absolutely do not dismiss a rape let alone the rape of a child. I am outraged at what he said to your daughter. I can only imagine how dumbfounded you must have been when those words came out of his mouth. That would only had to her feelings of guilt and shame. Who does guy think he is. Obviously he does not have daughters. How completely insensitive of him. Please report him.

I am so sorry for all your daughter and you are going through, my heart goes out to you both. I agree with previous posts, REPORT HIM! It can't undo what he has done, but it supports your daughter. You might want to ask your new rheumatologist about pain management for your daughter....

How cruel. Prayers and hugs to you and your daughter!

Wow, I am astounded. She's a child. She hasn't even developed all the coping techniques she is going to need throughout her life yet and he tells her that?!!!!! I assume you are getting her counseling, but as for all the physical pain, maybe a visit to a pain management specialist? I know the nausea and vomiting are terrible, mine used to happen just at night and I would pray for sleep to come which of course it never does. And yes, I agree with everyone else. He needs to be reported. He might not change his attitude, but maybe he will learn to keep his mouth shut.

Amy, as hard as this is to do, find a new primary care doctor for your daughter. No one deserves to be treated with anything less than respect and dignity. And, once you've had time to cool off and can compose a very good letter, make sure and be proactive on your daughter's behalf. I suggest a copy goes to the pcp, whomever heads up the practice, the administrator of the hospital he has privileges at, and the state licensing board. You might be very surprised too what a call to your insurance company's case specialist might help with.

As a mom who raised a whole crowd of children, most with medical needs, I learned very quickly that staying silent didn't help, and the squeaky wheel gets the oil. The best results I have ever had when dealing with a doctor who needed a bit of guidance about his oath and to be reminded his patients hired him? Speak to another doctor you trust. They tend to "police" themselves and when anyone hears of an inappropriate doctor, they will handle it behind the scenes, and things get better for all the patients.

I hope the pediatric rheumatologist is caring and helpful. It's hard enough to be 15, but 15, dealing with health issues, and an unsupportive doctor is too much. It might be helpful too to find a good counselor who your daughter could talk with, and be able to not only vent, but learn great coping skills. This kind of disorder isn't going away, so give her tools.

Big hugs!


disclaimer: this post is from my own personal experience, not related to lupus, and posted as one mother to another, not representative of Ben's Friends or my new post as moderator.

Thanks everyone for your support! I will definitely be finding a new PCP for both of my daughters! It is so hard to be in a rural area with limited splines of specialists but I should at least be able to find a good PCP for everyday issues. I have still not calmed down and think I get more angry by the minute!

I have had issues with many of my doctors throughout my illness. I used to think...they are they doctor, they know everything, and I need to listen what they say....but I quickly learned that there are many more doctors out there and if I am not happy with one...I move onto another. that doctor seems to have hit his head a little too hard or something. I don't even know what would make a doctor say something like that. I am glad that you are looking for a new PCP...and I wish you and your daughter the best of luck!!!!!

You have way more self control than i do. I would have gone off and probably landed in jail. Write the letters of complaint as suggested and keep your kids away from the stupid SOB

I am so sorry to hear about this. This hits really close to home for me. I was in the hospital and after searching and not finding answers they decided to tell me it was conversion disorder and anxiety and to go home... I was refereed to Mayo clinic by my local doctor and there they found it to be lupus. And now the neurologist that I am seeing is starting to play that stupid game again and saying that I just need a little "help" to get better. I'll be praying for you and your daughter and I hope you get the help you need!

I just spoke to my daughters psychiatrist and he was appalled but not surprised based on conversations he has had with this doctor himself. He agrees that a new doctor is needed and proud we are looking for one. He also will look into other psych meds he can convert her to that offer additional benefits to autoimmune issues. So thankful for him and his help through all of this!

I agree with ohsoperplexed regarding a letter to you insurance company as well. I also did that once because of an insensitive doctor who had accused me of being drunk when I was in fact having a reaction to a new migraine medicine she had given me. Then told me I was justcdepressed and had anxiety. The insurance company investigated her and sent me a letter and agreed that she was unprofessional and at fault. It made me feel better at least …and probably gave her a good malpractice warning.

I would report this JERK to the AMA right away!!!!

HUGS to your, too!


No need to even have to say this...but time to "cowboy up" and find a new doc.

Big hugs,


Update on my daughter! We saw new PCP today and she spent 2 hours with us! She expressed concern over many things and ran several labs. Urine creatinine levels elevated and 12 lb weight gain in 8 days. Glucose levels good. Thyroid results will be in Monday. Her Awesome nurse called so many specialists until she got us in with someone quickly! We see urologist next week, pediatric rhuemy the next week then pediatric neurologist the week after that! Talk about results! And the neatest thing is that her lab technician has had lupus for the last 10 years! I’m excited!