Was curious if your outlook on life or faith has become greater because of your diagnosis?
Well, i may have a closer relaionship with the lord. I see and feel how much he really helps me. I feel like he has given me lupus because he knowes i can handle it. He knew i would do what i have done with the options given to me. I have more faith in jesus christ. The pain i feel, the lonleyness i feel, it is a fraction of what jesus christ has suffert for me and every other of his brothers and sisters.
I've become more spiritual yet more angry with consertive christians. I'm reading the New Testament now and have read so many inspiriational books. I love A Course In Miricales....esp when presented by Marianne Williamson. This reading is the only thing keeping me sane. I also try to understand how to connect why I have these issues...which is so hard because since I was a little girl I knew I was a caregiver and wanted to be a nurse. I've spent my entire life caring for everyone else which I loved...esp working in Pediatrics at our local hospital. Now my gift has been ripped from me and I'm having the worst time trying to understand why I can't keep doing good and must just slow down and take care of myself...I think it's to share from both points of view--to a world that has become very selfish and ego driven...to share life can change in a heartbeat and it's up to us to love and take care of each other all the time....even if it's just by making sure a good healthcare system is in place so no one has to endure the horrible process and loss of integrity of the current safety nets we have in place. Our govts bureaucracy has become a nightmare in trying to obtain any help---SSDI is a joke (set up by lawyers to make $ and turn down everyone the first try...this is according to one doc I saw for a SSI eval). Anyway I'm off task....just needed to say yes more spiritual and just trying to find some meaning in a life that is becoming smaller all the time. In fact I'm thinking of becoming a writer (as long as my fingers hold out)...and a topic I may use is....What is a life worth? Should society cut me off from help because I can't work anymore, can't pay for my own insurance anymore....or should we be looking for a much easier solution to helping everyone obtain health care (not insurance--that implies you might not need it and everyone should be getting care---prevention, mental, dental, therapy, etc.....). Ok I shut up now.
I've never been a person for going to church but i've had my moments when needed for praying because you don't have to attend church to carry some faith and although i've got the Lupus i'm still now the same with my faith but i do sincerely believe that if you have love beside you to help when days are bad besides friends who you can open upto with your heart...God is the last alternative help in prayer when i feel i'm getting no where otherwise and i feel desperate....it's nice to know we alwys have it by our sides.
love Terri xxx
It wasn't Lupus that brought me to God, it was my oldest son. I am a scientific person by nature. The idea that the world was created by some "supernatural being" was a bogus idea to me. The story about how Ethan changed my life is a whole story in and of itself. However, learning to love God, and to understand Him has brought me slowly to where I stand today in my acceptance of this disease. I posted this under groups and so I copied and pasted it here.
When I am having a bad day - I try to stop and remind myself that I have been given a gift. Nothing more and nothing less. It was chosen for me by the one who knows me best....and it didn't come with a gift receipt- no exchanges and no returns.
Here is my story…..
I was a busy working mom before my gift from God.
I never took the time to enjoy the days I was given.
The beauty of each second blurred by me as I raced from one chore to the next.
Then one day God give me a gift. I didn't notice it. I was too busy.
So, he increased the size of my gift. Again, I pushed it aside. I didn't have time for such nonsense.
Then one day, God placed his hand upon me until I couldn't move anymore.
I was mad. I didn't have time to stop. I had done nothing wrong. Why was he punishing me? What had I done to deserve this?
I fought to get out. I didn’t understand. I cried until I had no more tears to cry, and I screamed until I had no more voice, and then, in the silence, I heard Him.
“Open your eyes.” He whispered” You are not in a cage.”
A calmness came over me. I looked around. There were no prison bars, just fingers. I sat there, cradled in the palm of His hand.
“Life is such a wonderful journey. I never meant for it to be race or a challenge. Do not start every day as if it is nothing more than minutes pressed between sunrise and sunset. It is those very minutes that matter most. They are precious and limited and should not be wasted. Take pleasure in every one of them. Take time to love those in your life as I love you.” His words filled my heart.
My body had been slowed already by the pain, but my eyes, which had been blinded by anger and not by disease suddenly opened. I saw for the first time what had been there all along. It was beautiful. He was right. All I had been missing. I had been there- all those days- but never appreciating them. Moments in time that passed by, just one chance to experience them, to make a memory, I was missing the beauty.
He had not imprisoned me by my Lupus, he was setting me free. He had tossed me exactly what I needed, his gift to me, my anchor in the storm of life.
My Lupus is my anchor, my gift from God, the blessing he gave to me when I let myself get lost in life’s rough, turbulent, unpredictable sea.
I am still me, a busy working mom. I sometimes forget. I start to let myself get tossed about with no direction, trying only to stay afloat, missing the beauty of the simple things around me.
He understands. He sends me little reminders to slow down and when I don’t…
My God is an awesome God. He sends me my anchor!
Of course, I still get mad sometimes. I wish he would wait. I have so much to do. But He knows I will let myself tumble about, gasping for breath before I ask for help…..and that is why he sends me my gift.
It is written, "The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and He knows them who trust Him" (Nahum 1:7). God uses these storms to produce good fruit in us. The Bible says we should rejoice and "Count it all joy when we fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of our faith produces patience so that we may be made perfect, complete, and lacking nothing" (James 1:2-4).It's these storms, and their inevitable passing, that make us confident in saying during the next storm, "I will trust in the Lord." Stories have been told about the only thing that saved the lives of people aboard a ship in a storm was a strong anchor. In fact, Luke and the Apostle Paul were aboard a ship that was tossed by a raging storm. Luke writes in Acts 27:29 about the actions of the crew, "Fearing that we would be dashed against the rocks, we dropped four anchors from the stern and prayed for daylight." Surely Luke and Paul both said, "I will trust in the Lord."
-I never thought I would be a person who quoted the Bible!- but I find a great deal of peace when I allow myself to open my ears and heart and listen to His word.
Greensurfer,
My faith has indeed become greater as a result of diagnosis. Keeping in mind that I do have regular bouts with depression at times, I also am able to resolve that with a focus on faith in God. When I was younger and first diagnosed I had more anger about it and less understanding of faith.
However, I've been doing a daily gratitude list for the past few years and I count every single thing - even little things. I have more time now to really pay attention to the miracles both big and small that God is doing around me and around all of you every single day!
I have questioned and asked Why? Why me? Why was I chosen to suffer this horror? It took me a long while to understand what the Bible means when it says we should be joyful in our suffering. Once I was able to actually do that for a few seconds at a time, I could smile more often.
I do not feel as if I am being punished, I feel as if I am being given an opportunity to learn something and I am blessed that God chose me to teach whatever it is to. I have learned many things lately and I am grateful. I am patiently awaiting God's will - Most of the Time!
Thanks for sharing sunshine. I'm glad to hear your faith has grown in the Lord Jesus Christ:)
sunshinespraypaint said:
Well, i may have a closer relaionship with the lord. I see and feel how much he really helps me. I feel like he has given me lupus because he knowes i can handle it. He knew i would do what i have done with the options given to me. I have more faith in jesus christ. The pain i feel, the lonleyness i feel, it is a fraction of what jesus christ has suffert for me and every other of his brothers and sisters.
Polly, I just want to hug you. I'm sorry you go through so many different emotions, but yes lupus does bind us from doing many of the things we used to and in ways we feel we could be more part of others lives. yes and society has really gone down over the years, the community is not what it used to be. I could go on about my political views on this and how things should be brought back more into the communities, but don't want to go off coarse. I pray that the Lords fruits of the spirit will fill you with peace, joy and clarity to see what a gift you are and can be to others. May the Lord bless your desire to write.
PollyannaPam said:
I've become more spiritual yet more angry with consertive christians. I'm reading the New Testament now and have read so many inspiriational books. I love A Course In Miricales....esp when presented by Marianne Williamson. This reading is the only thing keeping me sane. I also try to understand how to connect why I have these issues...which is so hard because since I was a little girl I knew I was a caregiver and wanted to be a nurse. I've spent my entire life caring for everyone else which I loved...esp working in Pediatrics at our local hospital. Now my gift has been ripped from me and I'm having the worst time trying to understand why I can't keep doing good and must just slow down and take care of myself...I think it's to share from both points of view--to a world that has become very selfish and ego driven...to share life can change in a heartbeat and it's up to us to love and take care of each other all the time....even if it's just by making sure a good healthcare system is in place so no one has to endure the horrible process and loss of integrity of the current safety nets we have in place. Our govts bureaucracy has become a nightmare in trying to obtain any help---SSDI is a joke (set up by lawyers to make $ and turn down everyone the first try...this is according to one doc I saw for a SSI eval). Anyway I'm off task....just needed to say yes more spiritual and just trying to find some meaning in a life that is becoming smaller all the time. In fact I'm thinking of becoming a writer (as long as my fingers hold out)...and a topic I may use is....What is a life worth? Should society cut me off from help because I can't work anymore, can't pay for my own insurance anymore....or should we be looking for a much easier solution to helping everyone obtain health care (not insurance--that implies you might not need it and everyone should be getting care---prevention, mental, dental, therapy, etc.....). Ok I shut up now.
Thanks Terri for sharing. yes, that is right faith does not come through the church. May your faith carry you through the bad days. Blessings.
Tez_20 said:
I've never been a person for going to church but i've had my moments when needed for praying because you don't have to attend church to carry some faith and although i've got the Lupus i'm still now the same with my faith but i do sincerely believe that if you have love beside you to help when days are bad besides friends who you can open upto with your heart...God is the last alternative help in prayer when i feel i'm getting no where otherwise and i feel desperate....it's nice to know we alwys have it by our sides.
love Terri xxx
Cassie, that is beautiful. I love it! Thank you for sharing. Yes, exactly, so much was said in there I could relate. Blessings,
cassie40 said:
It wasn't Lupus that brought me to God, it was my oldest son. I am a scientific person by nature. The idea that the world was created by some "supernatural being" was a bogus idea to me. The story about how Ethan changed my life is a whole story in and of itself. However, learning to love God, and to understand Him has brought me slowly to where I stand today in my acceptance of this disease. I posted this under groups and so I copied and pasted it here.
When I am having a bad day - I try to stop and remind myself that I have been given a gift. Nothing more and nothing less. It was chosen for me by the one who knows me best....and it didn't come with a gift receipt- no exchanges and no returns.
Here is my story…..
I was a busy working mom before my gift from God.
I never took the time to enjoy the days I was given.
The beauty of each second blurred by me as I raced from one chore to the next.
Then one day God give me a gift. I didn't notice it. I was too busy.
So, he increased the size of my gift. Again, I pushed it aside. I didn't have time for such nonsense.
Then one day, God placed his hand upon me until I couldn't move anymore.
I was mad. I didn't have time to stop. I had done nothing wrong. Why was he punishing me? What had I done to deserve this?
I fought to get out. I didn’t understand. I cried until I had no more tears to cry, and I screamed until I had no more voice, and then, in the silence, I heard Him.
“Open your eyes.” He whispered” You are not in a cage.”
A calmness came over me. I looked around. There were no prison bars, just fingers. I sat there, cradled in the palm of His hand.
“Life is such a wonderful journey. I never meant for it to be race or a challenge. Do not start every day as if it is nothing more than minutes pressed between sunrise and sunset. It is those very minutes that matter most. They are precious and limited and should not be wasted. Take pleasure in every one of them. Take time to love those in your life as I love you.” His words filled my heart.
My body had been slowed already by the pain, but my eyes, which had been blinded by anger and not by disease suddenly opened. I saw for the first time what had been there all along. It was beautiful. He was right. All I had been missing. I had been there- all those days- but never appreciating them. Moments in time that passed by, just one chance to experience them, to make a memory, I was missing the beauty.
He had not imprisoned me by my Lupus, he was setting me free. He had tossed me exactly what I needed, his gift to me, my anchor in the storm of life.
My Lupus is my anchor, my gift from God, the blessing he gave to me when I let myself get lost in life’s rough, turbulent, unpredictable sea.
I am still me, a busy working mom. I sometimes forget. I start to let myself get tossed about with no direction, trying only to stay afloat, missing the beauty of the simple things around me.
He understands. He sends me little reminders to slow down and when I don’t…
My God is an awesome God. He sends me my anchor!
Of course, I still get mad sometimes. I wish he would wait. I have so much to do. But He knows I will let myself tumble about, gasping for breath before I ask for help…..and that is why he sends me my gift.
It is written, "The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and He knows them who trust Him" (Nahum 1:7). God uses these storms to produce good fruit in us. The Bible says we should rejoice and "Count it all joy when we fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of our faith produces patience so that we may be made perfect, complete, and lacking nothing" (James 1:2-4).It's these storms, and their inevitable passing, that make us confident in saying during the next storm, "I will trust in the Lord." Stories have been told about the only thing that saved the lives of people aboard a ship in a storm was a strong anchor. In fact, Luke and the Apostle Paul were aboard a ship that was tossed by a raging storm. Luke writes in Acts 27:29 about the actions of the crew, "Fearing that we would be dashed against the rocks, we dropped four anchors from the stern and prayed for daylight." Surely Luke and Paul both said, "I will trust in the Lord."
-I never thought I would be a person who quoted the Bible!- but I find a great deal of peace when I allow myself to open my ears and heart and listen to His word.
Draginfli,
Thank you for sharing. Being thankful and taking that time definitely does make a difference. yes it is the Lords will and not our own, very tough to hear and say, but even harder to live out. Blessings.
Draginfli said:
Greensurfer,
My faith has indeed become greater as a result of diagnosis. Keeping in mind that I do have regular bouts with depression at times, I also am able to resolve that with a focus on faith in God. When I was younger and first diagnosed I had more anger about it and less understanding of faith.
However, I've been doing a daily gratitude list for the past few years and I count every single thing - even little things. I have more time now to really pay attention to the miracles both big and small that God is doing around me and around all of you every single day!
I have questioned and asked Why? Why me? Why was I chosen to suffer this horror? It took me a long while to understand what the Bible means when it says we should be joyful in our suffering. Once I was able to actually do that for a few seconds at a time, I could smile more often.
I do not feel as if I am being punished, I feel as if I am being given an opportunity to learn something and I am blessed that God chose me to teach whatever it is to. I have learned many things lately and I am grateful. I am patiently awaiting God's will - Most of the Time!
Hi greensurfer,
Today i've woken with my legs in so much pain i just can't describe it no more and the heat from them is terrible.... i am praying out load now to my family.....pleazzzzzzzzzz god just give me a few days of relief that's all i ask and for every member of the familys suffering also.
Wow, what a great question. I wasn't going to answer at 1st, but I keep thinking about your question so I decided that maybe that meant i need to answer it.
I've been a Christian since I was 17, so 25 or 26 yrs now. I don't go to church often, and that started before my symptoms made it hard for me to go. But I don't believe that you have to sit in a church every Sunday to be a Christian or even a good Christian. And I've never been one for organized religion.
But I'm angry at God. I grew up believing that "He won't give you more than you can handle." Well if that's true, then I really wish He didn't have so much confidence in me!!
My faith hasn't changed, but because of my anger, and believe me, i have certainly told Him that I am angry with Him, but I feel that I am not as close to God as I was. I tried at first, to turn to Him with my fear and anger and frustrations and worries. And I felt like He wasn't listening, like He didn't care. I know that's not true, but it still feels that way.
So my faith hasn't become greater or lesser, but there is definately a distance between Him and me that wasn't there before, and like i said, I have a whole lot of anger toward Him. He could take away my pain in an instant if He chose to, and yet here I am, day after day, suffering in pain. I don't understand it. I won't turn away from Him completely, but this anger eats at me.
For me personally, my faith has enabled me to walk in peace with God in this journey. It has been one of the hardest challenges I've face in my life. And the verse"Be still and know that I am God," has been my constant companion. He never allows things to hurt us but to strengthen us. No I don't claim to understand why me? But I know "His grace is sufficient, and His strength is made perfect in my weakness."
The biggest change has been the change in my lifestyle - one of on the go, busy, active, and productive. Teaching, leading choirs, hosting groups in my home, mission trips, etc. Perhaps my self esteem was wrapped up in what I was doing (not intentionally). However, now, my pain racked body, bent over by spine issues, and joints swollen and distorted..makes me realize that though shut up in my four walls, I am just as important in the scheme of things. And I am learning to be content in this new role....and my new role is praying for others, encouraging shut ins, and offering a cheery word to someone struggling. I don't have to meet my expectations of myself anymore. How I used to fret over the responsibilities, I had to put aside, and struggled to be accountable to others by explaining my limitations. God understands it all. Such a peace when I finally accepted my plight. No I am not living in denial for I still experience pain, cry, go the the doctor, take my meds, and hope for a cure!!! But I am never alone. I am aware of His help every moment of the day.
I guess you could say my faith has grown through this experience of having lupus. It would not have been my wish to have it grow in this way, but His ways are not our ways...and with His help, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.! And I am extremely thankful for our online support group for lupus. We have found a "home" and a place in each others hearts. We understand each other in a way others will never be able to do.
Hi Faye,
This part was beautifully said and so true
"We understand each other in a way others will never be able to do". xxxx
Faye said:
For me personally, my faith has enabled me to walk in peace with God in this journey. It has been one of the hardest challenges I've face in my life. And the verse"Be still and know that I am God," has been my constant companion. He never allows things to hurt us but to strengthen us. No I don't claim to understand why me? But I know "His grace is sufficient, and His strength is made perfect in my weakness."
The biggest change has been the change in my lifestyle - one of on the go, busy, active, and productive. Teaching, leading choirs, hosting groups in my home, mission trips, etc. Perhaps my self esteem was wrapped up in what I was doing (not intentionally). However, now, my pain racked body, bent over by spine issues, and joints swollen and distorted..makes me realize that though shut up in my four walls, I am just as important in the scheme of things. And I am learning to be content in this new role....and my new role is praying for others, encouraging shut ins, and offering a cheery word to someone struggling. I don't have to meet my expectations of myself anymore. How I used to fret over the responsibilities, I had to put aside, and struggled to be accountable to others by explaining my limitations. God understands it all. Such a peace when I finally accepted my plight. No I am not living in denial for I still experience pain, cry, go the the doctor, take my meds, and hope for a cure!!! But I am never alone. I am aware of His help every moment of the day.
I guess you could say my faith has grown through this experience of having lupus. It would not have been my wish to have it grow in this way, but His ways are not our ways...and with His help, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.! And I am extremely thankful for our online support group for lupus. We have found a "home" and a place in each others hearts. We understand each other in a way others will never be able to do.