I have been in remission for a little while now, and my last flare up was in December. Lately I have been so angry it scares me. I don’t even know what I am getting mad at most of the time. The poor victim is my boyfriend. I am constantly getting irritated, or annoyed with something he says or does. And I feel really sensitive. I Feel like this anger and my mood swings are putting a strain on my relationship. I feel like its a constant battle. I try to explain to him how I feel and what’s going on, an how I feel like I have no control lately. I am not sure if he completely understands me though. I am not sure how to let him know the best way to help me out. I feel so bad most of the time now for my constant tears, bickering, and complaining. I find my self having such a mean side I never knew I had. I feel really lost in a sense and scared. I feel bad because I’m constantly tired now and probably ruining our summer. I find myself just wanting his comfort constantly and his reassurance. We will be completely fine one second ad then the other second I ruining everything with a negative comment, or a worrying thought. I find myself telling him lately that I feel he doesn’t care anymore, or really love me, and that he will get sick of this. I have no idea what to do these days. I need help explaining to him how I feel…sometimes I feel like such a burden and he. I feel he can do much better getting somone less moody and cranky than I.
Hi nissy,
Everything you've just said i'm like and my hubby's head is chewed daily and yesterday i did go quite mad i'll admit and told him that i was a burden to him and he told me he does'nt want to hear that again...the crying is through flustration and being worked up plus you may have some depression in you and don't realize it.
Lupus can swap and change our emotions constantley but i do find that being held and loved means alot more to me than anything but i did read that it can also be a genetic cause and you always hit the ones your closesed to.
The only way to tell your chap is exactley how you've told we...show him what you've typed unless you don't want him to know and by reading what you've put.... you've expressed in an whole that your doing it without realizing but really mean no harm to him.
Otherwise i'd see your GP and be refered onto councilling for it, as i've been under psychiatric for years and they could'nt do nothing or with my manic depression, then i was refered for 3yrs of councilling i learned things but it still did'nt do nothing regarding my temper and aggression.
After 12yrs my hubby understands now that anything which flys out my mouth is'nt meant as he knows me different it's the rages of aggression which make you do it and sometimes you don't realizing what your saying can be so hurtful.
Nissy here's a link to a thread Shae added about Anger and you'll see with the comments that alot of member's suffer with it but need help.
http://forum.lifewithlupus.org/forum/topics/mood-swings-and-anger
((A Large hug Terri)) xxx
I don't know if this is a comfort or not But, here goes. I have been dealing with this disease and the side effects of the medications for over 20 years now and though like you I have chewed him like a puppies chew toy my husband is still here. A couple of things we have tried that has helped, if you wake up and you feel like you skin is on inside out just agree to not talk about any issues that day ( unless absolutely necessary) and if you can feel a bout of the head spinning ( thats what my hubby calls it ) coming on take a deep breath and take a break. come back to the conversation when you are calmer and more in control. Are you on prenisone because one of the side effects is an increase in aggressive behavior. theres not a whole lot you can do to decrease that unless you decrease your dosage. I hope this helped a little God Bless
Hi Nissy,
I can agree with all said, especially the Prednisone, it can make monsters of us. I can only take it in very small doses!
Hi Terri,
It is comforting to know I am not the only person that feels this way. It is great to have people to talk to with similar situations and feelings. I feel like I have tried to reach out to him, but I am still not getting through. I have been in counseling once before and I never felt it helped. Thanks so much Terri!
Tez_20 said:
Hi nissy,
Everything you've just said i'm like and my hubby's head is chewed daily and yesterday i did go quite mad i'll admit and told him that i was a burden to him and he told me he does'nt want to hear that again...the crying is through flustration and being worked up plus you may have some depression in you and don't realize it.
Lupus can swap and change our emotions constantley but i do find that being held and loved means alot more to me than anything but i did read that it can also be a genetic cause and you always hit the ones your closesed to.
The only way to tell your chap is exactley how you've told we...show him what you've typed unless you don't want him to know and by reading what you've put.... you've expressed in an whole that your doing it without realizing but really mean no harm to him.
Otherwise i'd see your GP and be refered onto councilling for it, as i've been under psychiatric for years and they could'nt do nothing or with my manic depression, then i was refered for 3yrs of councilling i learned things but it still did'nt do nothing regarding my temper and aggression.
After 12yrs my hubby understands now that anything which flys out my mouth is'nt meant as he knows me different it's the rages of aggression which make you do it and sometimes you don't realizing what your saying can be so hurtful.
Nissy here's a link to a thread Shae added about Anger and you'll see with the comments that alot of member's suffer with it but need help.
http://forum.lifewithlupus.org/forum/topics/mood-swings-and-anger
((A Large hug Terri)) xxx
Hi Julie,
I try not to get into those discussions with him where I will get angry, but I feel like I just need to be angry at something, because I find anything to be mad at. But you're right, I never really just step away and take a breath, I sort of dwell on the feelings at hand. I guess that comes along with being a teenager as well, as my mom always says. Yes, I am on prednisone, my dr had upped the dosage to 10 mg in December. Thank you for the help !
Julie said:
I don't know if this is a comfort or not But, here goes. I have been dealing with this disease and the side effects of the medications for over 20 years now and though like you I have chewed him like a puppies chew toy my husband is still here. A couple of things we have tried that has helped, if you wake up and you feel like you skin is on inside out just agree to not talk about any issues that day ( unless absolutely necessary) and if you can feel a bout of the head spinning ( thats what my hubby calls it ) coming on take a deep breath and take a break. come back to the conversation when you are calmer and more in control. Are you on prenisone because one of the side effects is an increase in aggressive behavior. theres not a whole lot you can do to decrease that unless you decrease your dosage. I hope this helped a little God Bless
Hello Nissy,
It can be the medication like other member;s have stated because prednisone is surposed to be terrible regarding your moods and sorry councilling as'nt helped either.
Since a kid i was quiet and layed back but when i got to my teens and now older at 43 i'm getting worse and they reckon i'm like it naturally kick tempered but what puts an added bonus on me flaring quick is depression/PMT & my one lot of seizures i suffer with, so for me there's no cure.
It's such a shame when you can't get through to your other half and it's just a shame he could'nt have read what you put because that was expressing yourself.
All my love Terri xxx
Hi SK,
Thanks for the response, and I totally agree with the usage of monster. That is exactly what I feel like; a monster! I never knew I could be so mean. It is shocking, considering I used to be so calm, and loving. I feel completely opposite.
SK said:
Hi Nissy,
I can agree with all said, especially the Prednisone, it can make monsters of us. I can only take it in very small doses!
Dear Nissy,
Pain alone can do that, but add some of the other challenges and meds and it's 'blast off time'! I try to kind of hide out when I feel it coming on, but life just does not always allow it.
I went through counseling in the beginning, after I could not recover from a car accident that should not have affected me so drastically physically and emotionally, I was far from any dx at this point, and probably not completely dx 7 years later.
I was fortuante to find a lady who was like a girlfriend to me, one with great wisdom, advice, and coping skills that she passed onto me. We met for about 2 years, until I got so bad that I could no longer make the trip to her, but what she taught me will always help. Could be that you have not found the one that you 'click' with, but you may want to try again. Sounds like your guy is pretty understanding, as guys go that are well, so a new counselor may be able to help you work through somethings with her instead of going after him, and I mean that in the most compassionate of ways. My husband has undergone more than one lashing that he did not deserve because I am unwell!
You are such a lovely young woman with so much living ahead of you, anything to bring you to a more centered position can only help.
Wishing you WELL,
SK
Hello Nissy,
My hubby as took some lashings off me with my tongue and the airs been blue and since coming to appointments alot more everytime now, he knows what's causing it and as soon as i start he walks away...it does make me flustrated as i seem to be waiting for an arguement which is'nt happening, it takes 2 good hours for my head to lower down and sometimes he'll say go and take a valium to carm your head down then i get aggrivated more, feeling like he wants me out the road.
In a way we're in situation where it's a struggle and your heads like a fuse ready to be lit....well that how it feels to me anyway. xxx
You know it does help if they go along, they have a better understanding of what is happening, Nissy.
It sounds like you might have depression with your Lupus. Maybe an antidepressant would help you. Good luck!
Nancy,
Your right and it maybe the case, there's no harm in Nissy asking....i've been on a right cocktail of antidepressants over the years and nothing helped me so they stopped the lot.
Nancy said:
It sounds like you might have depression with your Lupus. Maybe an antidepressant would help you. Good luck!
Nissy, I feel like you do. I started taking Prozac a couple of days ago so we'll see if that helps.......................
If you're on Prednisone that can cause mood swings. Lupus itself can cause anxiety, anger & mood swings. Talk to your Dr, they may be able to suggest an anti depressant. Lupus support groups are helpful because you realize others have the same issues as you do. I also at times have had a trigger temper when I was on 60 mg or > of Prednisone. Maybe your boyfriend could go with you to a Dr appt so he can educate himself about Lupus & the symptoms
Yeah, reading everyone's responses is starting to make me agree with this. I never thought depression was a part of being moody... I sort of felt it was just me in a way I guess, if that makes sense.
Nancy said:
It sounds like you might have depression with your Lupus. Maybe an antidepressant would help you. Good luck!
yeah the groups really do help, because I don't feel so alone anymore. Its confusing because my friends and family don't really understand me when I try to explain how I feel...but I completely understand why they wouldn't. And taking my boyfriend with me would be a great idea, but my mom seems to take over most of the time when we go to a dr visit, I guess because I'm the baby and all...but I also sometimes feel like he has no desire in helping out or trying to understand.
OC GAL said:
If you're on Prednisone that can cause mood swings. Lupus itself can cause anxiety, anger & mood swings. Talk to your Dr, they may be able to suggest an anti depressant. Lupus support groups are helpful because you realize others have the same issues as you do. I also at times have had a trigger temper when I was on 60 mg or > of Prednisone. Maybe your boyfriend could go with you to a Dr appt so he can educate himself about Lupus & the symptoms
Yes! You hit the nail on the head! I sit and wait for a fight that is not happening and that frustrates me so much more! And yeah my boyfriend always says you get mad at nothing, or you're always mad at me for something, so I tend to feel like I have been pushing him away, and he has had enough. But I really feel he does not care even though he says it, I just don't feel it...but it really can just be me, because I have been all over the place lately. getting through to him seems so tough. I tell him and a repeat of the same things happen the next day, so I feel there is no point in talking anymore.
Tez_20 said:
Hello Nissy,
My hubby as took some lashings off me with my tongue and the airs been blue and since coming to appointments alot more everytime now, he knows what's causing it and as soon as i start he walks away...it does make me flustrated as i seem to be waiting for an arguement which is'nt happening, it takes 2 good hours for my head to lower down and sometimes he'll say go and take a valium to carm your head down then i get aggrivated more, feeling like he wants me out the road.
In a way we're in situation where it's a struggle and your heads like a fuse ready to be lit....well that how it feels to me anyway. xxx
Hello Nissy,
I've just read your remark to "OC GAL" about your mom taking over....try your hardest to stop that because when i lived at home, every appointment i attended my mom was the patient not myself, then we they had me in the 2nd psychiatric hospital they refused my mom access on taking me home and wanted to rehouse me on my own because they reckon the trouble was steaming also from my mom being a control freak but in the end they allowed her to take me home once a week until they finally let me out...you mostly don't recognise this but your mom doing this alone can be flustrating you.
Well i hate seeing relationships end through health reasons because the 2nd half can't handle it but i did get a divorce from my first husband through reasons regarding my seizures and i followed my heart....so in reality this is what you must do.
Go and see your GP express what's happening with you and see if he/she will give you some antidepressants to try and try and do it on your own without your mom knowing either....this lot could be more pressure on your with them not understanding properly besides your boyfriend.
All my love to you Terri xxx
How are you feeling today, Nissy? Hope things are going better for you, that you can get over the anger, and be happy with yourself and your man!
I have gone outside and screamed, slammed things, gone into the husband's shop and pounded a hammer around, just to get some of the anger and frustration out of me! Don't hold it in, let it out, but not on your loved one, it will start to ease with time and knowledge.
Enjoy your life and your love,
SK