Recently I have found out that I got accepted into the nursing program that I've been working hard to get into since I was 19. All of my schooling (5 years worth) has been for this moment. I have dreamed of this for so long and now that it is here I am so scared. I dont know if I can do it. I have had lupus for the last 10 years and I have been in remission for the last 5 or 6 years. With everything that is going on and could happen, I fear I will never be able to accomplish this dream of mine. I have been wanting to be a nurse after about 2 years of being sick, so since I was about 16. I know I want to help people and this is what God put me on the earth to do. However, I feel like with all the stress and the fact that Lupus is so unpredictable and get worse with stress, I will have a struggle to get my degree or not complete it at all. My worst fear is to be a failure. I put so much pressure on my self to be this person I have inside my head and to not be able to do this would crush me. Just this past saturday I had to go to the hospital because I was having bad chest pain and i was exhausted to the point where anything I did made me tired. I am in pain everyday and I know this isnt something that will get better only worse. I wake up sick to my stomach every mornin. I am working right now as well and sometimes to be able to go to work is an accomplishment of the day. The last year I have been going to school and working and I've gotten to the point where I don't want to work anymore because btw the two, Its killing me. I have such a great support system and my sister has offered to pay my main bills for me and survive off my F.A return money and my SSI/SSDI checks I get. I am so grateful for her because without her I wouldn't have been able to finish with my A.A or have been able to get into the school I want and the moment i found out was out moment. I am very good at school and my GPA has been a 3.93 at my school but with my lupus i fear I wont be able to handle the stress. Right now I live with my bf and paying the bill every month wont be an option if I have to quit bc the house I live in is his sisters. I haven't told her and she is very nice to me and supports me as well and treats me like a sister. My bf has offered to pay the rent so I can go to school but for him to sacrifice would be too much in my mind. The job he is working at right now isnt paying enough and they offered him his old position from where he moved up from making more money but when we talk about it he doesn't seem like he genuinely wants to go back to doing what he did. I told him that i would never be able to live with myself if he wasnt happy, and not to mention I dont want him to resent me for it. He needs to do what he needs to do for himself just like i do. I told him that I would go back to living with my uncle where I dont have to pay rent or anything so I wouldn't be a burden to him. Today he finally told me how he really felt and it was what I suspected, that he doesn't want to take his old position bc he see a career in his new position. But, when I tell him I would move back home so I dont have to pay anything, he gets mad and says things btw us wont be the same and he is right. OUr schedules now are crazy, I can only imagine if we didnt live together we wouldnt see eachother. Im at a cross road right now bc I love him with all my heart and he is so supportive in what I do but for him to sacrifice that much for me is too much to ask him especially since he has my step kids to worry about and not just me. I am so stressed out and I really dont know what to do. We each have our selves to think about and I tell him this but we both dont want to be without eachother. I just really dont know what to do......
GO TO SCHOOL!!! The way to beat this illness is to think positive, be active, have goals, and never give up the fight. Some days are tougher than others but we must fight the fight. Do not stress either! Keep your eye on the goal and go for it. Nursing is a very noble profession. Get out and make the world a better place.
I’m convinced flare ups are caused by stress and depression. Flu’s and other common ailments can also trigger but I firmly believe it’s 99% emotional.
Steve
(fighting for 20 years)
Bitter sweet news!
The hardest thing to do, when dealing with an illness that is so unpredictable like Lupus. Is knowing what the next step is in our lives. So we don't risk a flare up. But you have said it STRESS, is our biggest enemy. You need to stop spinning your wheels on all of the
"What If's". No one can know our future, but we can certainly influence how we handel our life, our changes ect. You have a loving family. A good man that loves you, regardless of your illness. That in its self is amazing because not everyone can handel or have enough compassion for the ill, you have a keeper. Embrace all that you do with love and confidence, know for a fact that you will succeed, and get rid of all of your doubts. You have a loving family & that is winning ticket. Allow yourself to be helped and be loved. Things do work out, it all depends on you, one more thing don't be afraid, fear makes you think negative and make wrong decisions.
God Bless You
& Stay strong strong my friend.
First of all, there is nothing wrong with failure. There can be no success if there is no failure so don't fear it, don't dread it. Use it to learn. Second, you have the right to move out and in with your uncle but if you do, you are taking a decision away from your boyfriend. Maybe he doesn't think of it as a huge sacrifice but as one of the small costs of being with someone he loves, even if you do have "baggage." Besides, it's his sacrifice to make and if he is willing to be supportive, taking that away from him could hurt him and your relationship far more than if you'd accepted the gift he is offering. Life is all about struggle but it's better and easier to bear when you have loved ones to share it with. Does he feel the same way? Would he rather walk through fire than lose you?
Yes, GO TO SCHOOL! I just recently started going to Everest. I had a 2yr flare-up. The first week was a little rough, because my body had to get use to being active again. However, it's worth it. Your going to be glad that your in school, and being happy and determined to go and finish will most defiantly help push yourself through those rough days. During my first week I had a muscle spasm in class. I was SO EMBARRASED! I tried to race to the bathroom, but luckily the teacher and classmates were helpful and understanding. So talk to your instructors about it, and maybe a few classmate so you can have some type of support system at school. Please go and follow your dreams, because when you start all you're going to have is tunnel vision to reach your goal and its going to feel great. Just make a decision that's best for you. I wish you the best of luck :)
Don’t hesitate when it comes to school. I’ve been battling this since I was 7. I graduated from college (it took about 8 years) despite getting married, having two children while in school, numerous flares, and working. I couldn’t finish my master’s but I hope to finish it someday. Is there any way you could take longer to complete your nursing degree? I took 4 classes a semester so I could work part time and not be beyond exhausted. Do you qualify for financial aid? I would say use student loans but I don’t know if you want to graduate with that kind of debt over your head. I would have a talk with your boyfriend about the future. If he is someone you are thinking of spending your life with and he is thinking the same way about you then the two of you should work together for your combined futures. Getting your nursing degree will definitely make your future better. He may be willing to put his career on hold til you finish school and then you can support him while he pursues the career he wants. If he thinks your relationship won’t last if you don’t live together I strongly suggest you find out why.
Also, make sure nursing is the right career choice. I opted against med school because I knew that I would be on my feet all day, exposed to numerous viruses etc…, and with my weakened immune system I would be as sick as my patients…lol I’m not trying to talk you out of it because we need more compassionate nurses but you may want to be a home health nurse rather than say, a hospital nurse. I believe that you are strong enough to make it through. You have the chance to make your dream come true, so get out there and do it! Everything else will fall into place. Please keep us posted on how you are doing. Gentle hugs, Annemarie
Qell ceci you have to trust you bf and the love between you guys becuase if he has been with you this far in your journey with lupus he is in it for the long haul. Regarding your school be honest with your teachers take it slow try part time first see if your body adjust then take it from there.
Yes go to school! I just graduated from the Purdue nursing program and as long as you keep up with reading and listen at lectures you'll be fine. I was a medical assistant for about 8 years before school and wasn't Dx with lupus yet. But I started 3 weeks after having my first daughter got pregnant again and had my second daughter during summer vacation and got divorced soon after I graduated. Finishing my nursing degree through it all really makes me feel proud and gets me through the hard days.
thank you Steve. I appreciate the kind words! You are right, when i feel depressed or stressed my body hates me. I am currently trying to keep my head up and stay focused!
Steve said:
GO TO SCHOOL!!! The way to beat this illness is to think positive, be active, have goals, and never give up the fight. Some days are tougher than others but we must fight the fight. Do not stress either! Keep your eye on the goal and go for it. Nursing is a very noble profession. Get out and make the world a better place.
I'm convinced flare ups are caused by stress and depression. Flu's and other common ailments can also trigger but I firmly believe it's 99% emotional.
Steve
(fighting for 20 years)
Redhearts22,
You are definietly right. I do have a good family and a good man. I have been with someone who i though was the right guy and when i told him he started to act funny and eventually he left me. I do put my worries in god hands. Im such a high anxiety person and I am lucky to have to people around me. I also am lucky to have people like you supporting me. Sometimes I feel like me complaining all the time gets old but on here there is no such thing.! THanks for you kind words!
REDHEARTS22 said:
Bitter sweet news!
The hardest thing to do, when dealing with an illness that is so unpredictable like Lupus. Is knowing what the next step is in our lives. So we don't risk a flare up. But you have said it STRESS, is our biggest enemy. You need to stop spinning your wheels on all of the
"What If's". No one can know our future, but we can certainly influence how we handel our life, our changes ect. You have a loving family. A good man that loves you, regardless of your illness. That in its self is amazing because not everyone can handel or have enough compassion for the ill, you have a keeper. Embrace all that you do with love and confidence, know for a fact that you will succeed, and get rid of all of your doubts. All of your negative feelings put it in God's hands. You have a loving family & that is winning ticket. Allow yourself to be helped and be loved. Things do work out, it all depends on you, one more thing don't be afraid, fear makes you think negative and make wrong decisions.
God Bless You
& Stay strong strong my friend.
Imstillalive,
You are right, in my heart i know this but in my head i cant see it. I know I have the right to move but I dont want to be without him. I have never looked at the situation from your perspective. He tells me he doesnt mind taking care of his family because he has done it before with his kids mother but she took advantage of it. I feel like this left him scarred and thinks i will do the same. However, i told him today as a matter of fact, that its not like i will be completely dependent on him. I think it would ultimately hurt him because he has a big pride and our relationship would be in danger. Sometimes i think I am too much for him because i am so emotional and its overwhelmning for him. He doesnt understand what I got through but we talk and i try. I hope God will point me in the right direction and lead me to my destiny.
I'm still alive said:
First of all, there is nothing wrong with failure. There can be no success if there is no failure so don't fear it, don't dread it. Use it to learn. Second, you have the right to move out and in with your uncle but if you do, you are taking a decision away from your boyfriend. Maybe he doesn't think of it as a huge sacrifice but as one of the small costs of being with someone he loves, even if you do have "baggage." Besides, it's his sacrifice to make and if he is willing to be supportive, taking that away from him could hurt him and your relationship far more than if you'd accepted the gift he is offering. Life is all about struggle but it's better and easier to bear when you have loved ones to share it with. Does he feel the same way? Would he rather walk through fire than lose you?
Sandra,\
I actually do have a good support system in school. I have such a great group of friends who support me and understand me and help me when I miss school.
Sandra Smalls said:
Yes, GO TO SCHOOL! I just recently started going to Everest. I had a 2yr flare-up. The first week was a little rough, because my body had to get use to being active again. However, it's worth it. Your going to be glad that your in school, and being happy and determined to go and finish will most defiantly help push yourself through those rough days. During my first week I had a muscle spasm in class. I was SO EMBARRASED! I tried to race to the bathroom, but luckily the teacher and classmates were helpful and understanding. So talk to your instructors about it, and maybe a few classmate so you can have some type of support system at school. Please go and follow your dreams, because when you start all you're going to have is tunnel vision to reach your goal and its going to feel great. Just make a decision that's best for you. I wish you the best of luck :)