Today has sucked! I get to clinical and it's my first day on the unit because I was doing observation on the NICU the week before. Everyone else knows what the drill is and where things are, but my classmates are good about helping each other out. First, the nurses had the assignments confused so I had no idea which nurse was getting an update on my patient so I was running around trying to find the right person, after getting attitude from one nurse who wanted nothing to do with us students. Then my login for the computer system wouldn't work so I couldn't get into the electronic charts to learn more about my patient or see what meds they were on or anything. So I spent a good 10 minutes on the phone with IT/Help Desk people. Then, our teacher basically told us which medications we were allowed to give and it was 7:45 and I had one due at 7:45 so I'm running around trying to grab everything and do my calculations. Calculations worked out, dose was safe to give, thought I could go in and do it. Wrong! My instructor asked me why we were giving the medicine and I totally lost it. I flat out didn't know. I was so scattered this morning I didn't even look at why the patient was on the med. Then the tears started filling my eyes and I just lost it. So there I was, she took me into the play room on the unit (pediatric unit) and I'm sitting in one of those really short chairs they have for pre-schoolers at this short little table just bawling. Between the chaos of the day, feeling completely rushed, my grandmother in the ICU and just had a trach done, and I filed for my divorce on Tuesday. I just couldn't take it anymore. It was like that last little questions put me over the edge because I felt like such a failure at the moment. Nothing was going right, and I couldn't make school/clinical go right today. Told my teacher, while we sat in the tiny chairs, and she gave me a box of tissues and told me to just take 10 minutes to chill out. If I couldn't pull myself together, she was just going to let me assist my classmates instead of being in charge of the total care of a patient. But, I managed and went through the day all puffy eyed. At our end of the day conference, she goes around and asks us what we did well and I honestly couldn't come up with an answer. I was so off today. Oh, and my hip has been hurting for three days now like it needs to pop, but it won't. The good news is we had some storms last night so the nasty humidity and heat are gone and I can finally get some fresh air in the house.
I know this has nothing to really do with lupus, but I didn't know where else to go. Oh! We did have someone with POTS and I was so excited I knew what it was because one of you all has it! Thanks for listening
Bless your heart, hon! ::hugs tight:: You've got a lot on your plate right now! I'm sorry to hear that it all caught up with you today during school, but you've gotten through the day now, so hopefully things will start to look up for you. ::more hugs:: I can totally relate to things just all going wrong at once, and feeling incapable of keeping things moving as they should. It was fortunate that your teacher gave you the chance to collect yourself, even if it wasn't a solution to the whole of your difficulties. I hope tomorrow goes better for you! Feel free to rant anytime!
Take a breath every body falls apart and can not remember things in school it will be ok I am sorry that things are going the way they are. I hope it gets better soon.
I was in my last semester of training as an E.E.Nurse. I doubt I'll ever forget how I felt when the Specialist told me life was going to change dramatically & he doubted I'd be able to do my final two placements.
I'm in awe of you managing a 40 hr week of nursing. Keep batting away as long as you can. No doubt it was not easy to get to this point with your studies & training; - yet you managed. I'll keep my fingers crossed that life goes easy on you.
I’m thoroughly impressed that you made it thru the day despite all that you have going on! Your story gave me the strength to keep fighting. Thank you for that!
Oh my dear friend, my heart is with you. I had same bad time feeling everything falling apart and I can’t hang in there anymore. Think about people you love and those who love you. It might be difficult to put everything into perspective overnight. But trust me you will be fine. Life is long and there will be good days to come. I always tell myself what didn’t kill you makes you stronger. We luppie can only handle limited errands everyday. Just pace yourself. I learn to tune down after Dx. First thing is to rest yourself physically and mentally. Meditation might be of help. You will be in my prayers.
Thank you everyone. You all sure do know how to make a gal feel better! I emailed my professor the following day, Saturday, to apologize and let her know that Friday was not my typical performance. She sent me a long reply saying she was sorry to not have connected with me one more time before we left and that she's not worried about my clinical day and not to beat myself up. We emailed back and forth a bit so she could understand a little more of what's going on and just why I had my meltdown. I felt much better after connecting with her and making sure we're both on the same page.
It seems like I have spent much time trying to solve all the problems I have with my lupus,my heart,and my pots,that I couldn’t solve if I lived to be five hundred,I’ve tried to deny,avoid and even negotiate with my lupus,but lupus does not negotiate!!?.I have found out how strong I can be,and how strong I can’t be…it has forced me to evaluate my life and the kind of expections I have for myself.Im so use to smiling and saying things are fine,when I’ve really lost touch with myself lately,something is always going wrong,maybe it’s one big problem or maybe it’s several smaller problems…I feel like I’ve lost my copeing skills…I have become fed up with all the pills…sometimes I feel like I’ve ran out of myself,on some level I’ve realize that my lupus is becoming unmanageable and stood here tonight taking my stupid meds,not feeling like they do me any good,but they do,I’m just being bitchey,lupus has forever changed my life,and I have never welcomed that change…I fight the fear that lupus rules my life…it’s a chronic disease that isn’t going anywhere any time soon…my mom always says."suck it up"life is not for weenies…put your big girl panties on and deal!!! Just what I need,is a negative person bitchen about my lupus…that’s why I come here because you all understand,everyone here puts positive thoughts in my head and that makes a difference…I have such bad anxiety,it’s crazy,I tell myself it’s ok to be who I am…I try to be as positive as I can friends…thank you all for the kind words and support …celeste
Hi!! When you feel like the day is not in your favor -step back take a moment or two, breath and relate to only yourself , focus only on what is the most important things that you can handle for the moment. Don’t rush yourself, move to your pace, which for me one thing at a Time. And others want more from you tell them to help you! The stress from people can be very stressful and make our body feel tired and that will lead to a flare which bring on alot of problems for yourself! Breath is the key and to stay calm as possible!!..Beverly L.