What is Our Lesson?

General
1

Hello Everyone

I am a big believer that every thing happens for a reason. Each and every event in our life is an opportunity to grow in spirit and evolve as a human being.

If that is true, what is our lesson in dealing with this challenging disease? Each and every 'Lupie' I have met seems to be a very giving, nuturing type person. The type of person who gets a great deal of pleasure from giving rather than taking.

I am that type of person. For sixteen years I gave everything I had into helping my husband become one of Australia's top horsemen. When I met him he had nothing but a dream. I helped him make that dream a reality.

I thought I was doing it for 'us' and our three children, but then he met someone else. Someone who didn't have young children, who was younger, more attractive and who looked after themselves.

I was given twelve hours notice to move out of the house that we were living in. Don't worry, I was over it a long time ago. In fact, looking back the woman probably did me a favour. I don't clean stables anymore. Except my own two.

After my marriage unexpectively broke up, I had the job of raising children on my own. I won't bore you with the details other than to say it was tough at times.

I believe I have been dealt this disease because I have absolutely no choice but to look after myself.

Remember the saying 'Pride Before a Fall?'. A few days ago I was bragging that I had ridden my horse. Yay!. Today I rode again. My son said "Mom, Don't ride out of the arena". But I knew better, so up the road I went.

My horse shied at something in the grass and then he bucked. Over and down I went - Splat! - Flat on my back. Right on the lower right hand side where I already have a buldging disc.

So here I am, In agony!! I have no choice but to look after myself and maybe I will listen to advice a little better in the future as well.

I sincerley hope you have a lot less pain than me atm. LOL!

Warm wishes

Nic

2

errrrr, that sucks!

As for the riding accident; what can I say? You took a chance & didn't win (this time). I hope you have not done too much damage & that you are soon back 'having a go' at whatever you want to attempt (within reason). Kind Regards & warm thoughts Kaz

3

I know exactly what u are referring to. I always wonder “why”. I make jokes that my body is holding a grudge against me for the way I treated it in my late teens and early 20’s and now it’s payback time :slight_smile: I think though that’s it’s like many of the obstacles we all face and we’re not meant to understand it… Yet. And I think most people feel that the way the deal with challenges will say something about their character or because of karma or some other belief, our ability to be strong (or weak) will result in reward (or punishment) later on. I disagree though. Just like the saying that sometimes bad things happen to good people… Sometimes strong people have weak moments. I try to look at it like maybe having lupus was God answering my prayer of allowing me to have a healthy little girl. Perhaps, my time was up. Or hers was never meant to be and this was the exchange or “condition” I was given as an alternative. And if that’s the case, I’m thankful. But it’s ok to wonder why… I think only a person with out emotion or maybe even a lack of intelligence would not wonder “what’s the point” or what am I supposed to learn here. Unfortunately, we probably won’t know in this life time. As for riding… I feel your pain! Last time I rode, my saddle slipped off and I tumbled down a jagged ravine! I can laugh about it now but it definitely wasn’t comical at the time! Hope your back gets better. Disk problems are a night mare :frowning:

4

Hello Nic,

I hope you recover quick from the riding accident and in future with some aspects we do need to listen to others....but you've done well otherwise in life with what you've gone through and pulled out great the other end, now this is another test.

"I believe there's some bad people in life who get away with these issues scot free and why i'm baffled on that aspect?"

Like yourself i've gone through alot since i was 18 and over time managed to except things then 5yrs ago bang delivered with the news of Lupus on top.

So i wonder daily why are a large majority tested like they are...it's so baffling to even try and work out.

5

Sure hope your pain eases quickly! Sorry to hear about your fall.

Great topic.

I relate a tad, I've been dealing with ankle problems for 31 years (I just turned 46). Just started walking 2 weeks ago after 1 1/2 years on a scooter or crutches. Then suddenly new pain, pretty rough. So, back to crutches for bit. I was bragging in my own way - showing off to people. Hey, look at me, I can walk! I was so thrilled, maybe I did a little too much. Two feet on the ground, but head in the clouds.

What lesson am I learning? I can still have joy no matter the set-back. I don't have to understand all the "why's" of life.

I am currently helping run a camp for survivors of brain injury and am working on a devotional. Part of it hits upon "waiting for ____" fill in the blank. Turns out, I'm being helped by it probably more than campers or volunteers might be. Ever notice when your efforts go towards helping others, it always comes back to you?

Traci

6

Although I do not suffer from the disease, I have learned so much about giving and loving by having a husband who suffers. It has allowed me the opportunity to really dig deep in my heart and find ways to serve, love, give, be charitable, and not feel sorry for myself. It has helped me look beyond any maladies that I have and go and do. My husband gives to me all the time despite his weariness, soreness, and pain. He has shown me what no one else would have been able to.

I know that no one wants to have this disease but on behalf of all of us who have had the blessing to love and live with a " Lupie" I thank all of you for letting people into your world.

7

Wifey.... what a blessing you are. Thanks for those touching, encouraging thoughts. How wonderful it is when unexpected words dance across my heart and cause my spirit to sing.

:)

Traci



Wifey2012 said:

Although I do not suffer from the disease, I have learned so much about giving and loving by having a husband who suffers. It has allowed me the opportunity to really dig deep in my heart and find ways to serve, love, give, be charitable, and not feel sorry for myself. It has helped me look beyond any maladies that I have and go and do. My husband gives to me all the time despite his weariness, soreness, and pain. He has shown me what no one else would have been able to.

I know that no one wants to have this disease but on behalf of all of us who have had the blessing to love and live with a " Lupie" I thank all of you for letting people into your world.

8

Nic,

i am a horseperson too! struggling with lupus and life changes... i am daily asking myself what reality really is? Is it realistic to hang on to my horses with the hope that i will get into remission and really ride again? Like you, I have been a "giver" all of my life and now I am alone and 50, wondering where did I go wrong? What do you do to stay positive after it all? Any suggestion as to how to keep my passion for horses and riding alive?

Thankyou for sharing,

Amy

9

NicMic, I'm sorry for your accident and your pain. you're right about most of us being such good, kind people. There was a research project done that showed that most people with lupus and fibro and CFS had type A, perfectionistic, ambitious personalities before we got sick, always caring for others more than for ourselves.


There are many lessons to be learned from pain and trials. There's a book written by a lupus patient, Angela Dugi, called "Lessons learned while lying down". It's Christian based. All the virtues that we would like other people to learn, it seems like illness is a fast track course to learn these virtues, that might never be learned in a lifetime if you don't have any suffering. Compassion, patience, tolerance, longsuffering, endurance, and for most, they develop spirituality and belief in a higher power. This is because we are often so alone, that God is the only strength and comfort we can get, and for me, it's a very real and tangible comfort and strength. The scriptures from holy books of each person's faith encourages and strengthens and comforts as well. The Bible is the first and most complete book of positive affirmations there is. I know that personally, my illness has made me stronger in some ways. The pain that would send me to the E.R. the first time I felt it, now I stay at home and endure it. If I was given the chance to go back and never have lupus, but it would also take away all the wisdom and spiritual strength I gained, I wouldn't take that offer. I wish the suffering was not so intense. I kind of think I could have learned the same lessons if the pain was only half as bad, but it is what it is, and what can't be cured must be endured. Great discussion NicMic. This whole life is a series of trials that are meant to teach us and make us stronger. Christians are taught that life is a school, and it IS tough, and life WILL be hard, but that God promises to always be with us and never leave us, and to strengthen us. The more we read the comforting verses He offers us, the more we feel that comfort. This life is not meant to be problem free. That life will come after this life.

10

Nic, Great discussion. We own horses ...and I do little but look out the window and enjoy. Gone are the days I could get close and love on them, brush them, and walk around the pasture. Somehow a roller walker on wheels doesn't travel well in a grassy uneven field. My adjustments have been mentally - learning to be thankful, I can still see...smell the grain and hay...enjoy their antics and have memories of former days. There is always someone off worse than I am. And we stay involved with those who love horses.

I am so sorry of what happened to you with your family...that is sad; however, you have stayed strong. Good for you! Just be careful about taking on riding again...a word to the wise is sufficient!

Wifey, your hubby is blessed to have you in his court! I've often said that illness is not just for the one affected. Others who are sensitive develop great attributes...and fruits of the spirit as they reach out to help and are blessed in return. God bless you! I am blessed with a caring hubby who loves and gently cares for me on a daily basis. Some days I cry.. feeling so unworthy of him; however, he said he meant his marriage vows and will take care of me. He has proven that.

I think what I've learned: I will never understand every thing that comes my way. And no, I don't deserve this illness...it is not a result of something I did to bring it on...however, Why not me? I am not alone in it. I'm thankful for my new friends who encourage me along the way. I gain my spiritual strength by reading the Bible and inspirational books. It is a moment by moment enabling " to walk in a manner worthy of my calling." I've had a full and blessed life and I want to finish well....with how I handle my illness. I'm not sure I alway pass the test...but that is my heart.

Faye

11

Faye that's a great point! People learn from us, without us even saying a word. They think about things differently when they see someone struggling. Our pain might even be more of a lesson to others than it is for ourselves. A church leader told me that when I was younger, and I couldn't figure out how that could be when I have been alone in my bedroom suffering for over a decade, no one else here to see me suffer or learn from my suffering, so I stopped thinking about it as helping others. I know it helps others when I share things online, but when I'm too sick to even think or do that much, it's got to be lessons for me alone.

12

Sheila, Bless you. But aren't we blessed with modern technology that allows us to touch each other's heart and communicate miles away from each other! You are a blessing, even though you suffer alone in a bedroom. You are not alone and God takes note of your suffering. There is a reward for those who identify in His suffering. You wil know Him in a way, others don't.

And yes indeed, others are helped by your comments. And don't you find some relief from your pain and inward struggles when you reach out to others.! God never waste anything that we are allowed to go through. In a special way you will be able to comfort others by the way you have been comforted. God bless you in a special way and make your heart lighter knowing others care deeply for you and what you are going through. Faye

13

Nic - This is a wonderful discussion, thanks for posting this : )

Terri

I like to think that we are the strong chosen to show the weak human endurance. I know many people I work with that couldn't handle pain on a daily basis. They don't have love in their heart, and don't SHARE love with those around them. They are mean to themselves and to each other. It takes alot of courage and strength to have a chronic illness.

Hugs to you all

Trisha

Tez_20 said:

Hello Nic,

I hope you recover quick from the riding accident and in future with some aspects we o need to listen to others....but you've done well otherwise in life with what you've gone through and pulled out great the other end, now this is another test.

"I believe there's some bad people in life who get away with these issues scot free and why i'm baffled on that aspect?"

Like yourself i've gone through alot since i was 18 and over time managed to except things then 5yrs ago bang delivered with the news of Lupus on top.

So i wonder daily why are a large majority tested like they are...it's so baffling to even try and work out.

14

We can touch people even when we don't know it.

This past year, several people have commented to my Mom that I was an inspiration to them. Me? They said that I kept a great attitude and smile amidst all going on. (They didn't see my occasional tears of frustration). I'm saying this not to brag, but to show that we affect others when we may not be aware of it.

Whether it's lupus, an injury, or anything... you can inspire another by persevering, by refusing to give up or give in, by being honest when it's difficult and asking for help when you need it, by being the best you that you can be.... sometimes strong, sometimes weak, but never completely giving up.

Y'all have inspired me, thank you so much!

15

Sheila.. what a great response.

Sheila W. said:

NicMic, I'm sorry for your accident and your pain. you're right about most of us being such good, kind people. There was a research project done that showed that most people with lupus and fibro and CFS had type A, perfectionistic, ambitious personalities before we got sick, always caring for others more than for ourselves.


There are many lessons to be learned from pain and trials. There's a book written by a lupus patient, Angela Dugi, called "Lessons learned while lying down". It's Christian based. All the virtues that we would like other people to learn, it seems like illness is a fast track course to learn these virtues, that might never be learned in a lifetime if you don't have any suffering. Compassion, patience, tolerance, longsuffering, endurance, and for most, they develop spirituality and belief in a higher power. This is because we are often so alone, that God is the only strength and comfort we can get, and for me, it's a very real and tangible comfort and strength. The scriptures from holy books of each person's faith encourages and strengthens and comforts as well. The Bible is the first and most complete book of positive affirmations there is. I know that personally, my illness has made me stronger in some ways. The pain that would send me to the E.R. the first time I felt it, now I stay at home and endure it. If I was given the chance to go back and never have lupus, but it would also take away all the wisdom and spiritual strength I gained, I wouldn't take that offer. I wish the suffering was not so intense. I kind of think I could have learned the same lessons if the pain was only half as bad, but it is what it is, and what can't be cured must be endured. Great discussion NicMic. This whole life is a series of trials that are meant to teach us and make us stronger. Christians are taught that life is a school, and it IS tough, and life WILL be hard, but that God promises to always be with us and never leave us, and to strengthen us. The more we read the comforting verses He offers us, the more we feel that comfort. This life is not meant to be problem free. That life will come after this life.

16

TY Mechelle!

Sheila

17

Hi everyone! This topic hit home with me today. I've been "overdoing it" (doing what a non lupie would to do) and hit a wall of fatigue and sadness. Sheila's words reached into my heart. I am so blessed to have found this community - I am becoming less self-critical when the bad spells roll in.

Lisa

18

Sheila,

That verse does you proud, as there are people around like that besides the member's of LWL.

Thank you for adding it as it's a big inspiration to us all.

Love Terri xxx

Sheila W. said:

TY Mechelle!

Sheila

19

Hi Traci,

Such a very truthful comment you made there...

"We can touch people even when we don't know it"



traci153 said:

We can touch people even when we don't know it.

This past year, several people have commented to my Mom that I was an inspiration to them. Me? They said that I kept a great attitude and smile amidst all going on. (They didn't see my occasional tears of frustration). I'm saying this not to brag, but to show that we affect others when we may not be aware of it.

Whether it's lupus, an injury, or anything... you can inspire another by persevering, by refusing to give up or give in, by being honest when it's difficult and asking for help when you need it, by being the best you that you can be.... sometimes strong, sometimes weak, but never completely giving up.

Y'all have inspired me, thank you so much!

20

Traci,

The main thing i've learnt with symptoms over the years and thinking your back on level ground...is to never think you've over rode it, so lifes back on a normal track because whatever you've suffered there's always a leaking ailment to the illness/symptom you've already had just waiting for it's moment to fully appear.

Then BANG our hopes are shattered again...the same goes where Lupus is concerned.

Take me for instance the last few days no spasms properly kicking in and here's me on cloud 9 thinking yes the plaquenil is starting to help and even told a few member's... as i felt inside pleased because of the pain i get and this morning my legs was doubled with it again.

Facepalm Hand Gesture emoticon so fedup with the symptoms. xxx


traci153 said:

Sure hope your pain eases quickly! Sorry to hear about your fall.

Great topic.

I relate a tad, I've been dealing with ankle problems for 31 years (I just turned 46). Just started walking 2 weeks ago after 1 1/2 years on a scooter or crutches. Then suddenly new pain, pretty rough. So, back to crutches for bit. I was bragging in my own way - showing off to people. Hey, look at me, I can walk! I was so thrilled, maybe I did a little too much. Two feet on the ground, but head in the clouds.

What lesson am I learning? I can still have joy no matter the set-back. I don't have to understand all the "why's" of life.

I am currently helping run a camp for survivors of brain injury and am working on a devotional. Part of it hits upon "waiting for ____" fill in the blank. Turns out, I'm being helped by it probably more than campers or volunteers might be. Ever notice when your efforts go towards helping others, it always comes back to you?

Traci