I will be praying that things get better for you and your husband. I do know that it is incredibly difficult to get disability and perhaps you can find a local advocacy group that could help you. I know that there are legal assistants that will help you with the paperwork. That is what I am going to do for the areas I am unable to complete on my own.
Best of luck,
DeAnne
reet said:
I wish I could help but I gave up and quit my job instead of filing long term disability that I had paid into for 10 years. I was subtly told that I had better not try. I was so tired and sick that I slept for 3 weeks with very little awake time. I had no fight left in me and my husband is not the fighter. He helps me tons but I have to fight if needed and I could not do it. So, please fight. We are suffering financially because I let the company get by with what they did to me.
Hi and many hugs, my prayers go out to you! I hope that this matter don't take a serious toll on you (emotionally). Men are totally different from women , they don't have the sentive side that mothers have. They are complexed and want to show their emotions but hold them in , I call them crazy! It take alot for a man to be emotional, bull headed!!!....Beverly L.
whathappensinvegas said:
The financial harm that was done as well as the fact that it was posted in the local paper of the small town where he is living...he sent a copy of the page via email, FB, text, etc. to every member of my family and every person we had ever known together with the phrase "My deadbeat ex-wife".
To say it infuriated my family is an understatement as at that time I had been diagnosed.
However, my son is at great risk for continuing of the disruptive behavior that has been evident since preschool. I was a Spec Ed teacher specializing in students with Emotional/Behavioral Disabilities. The signs were evident early on and I tried to get him the help he desperately needed.
Soon after his return to his father after the year with me, his father went against doctors orders and demanded he be switched to a cheaper med even though I have the doctors notes where he states emphatically that the meds do not work the same and would not control the abusive behavior. He is especially abusive toward women. My mother actually was so frightened by his behavior during his last visit with her that she was pleased that he could not make the next visit. She believes that he is a danger to women and was afraid that he would harm fellow students at school.
Although the financial impact has been difficult, I would have found a way to make certain that my son got help. I am currently in hiding as he has threatened my life.
I am not upset about being "labeled" an unfit mother as I know I am not...it's the repercussions of that label.
I'm really sorry. He sounds like a destructive person, at least from what you've described.
You probably do need professional advice, but you do have all our support here.
whathappensinvegas said:
The financial harm that was done as well as the fact that it was posted in the local paper of the small town where he is living...he sent a copy of the page via email, FB, text, etc. to every member of my family and every person we had ever known together with the phrase "My deadbeat ex-wife".
gosh, i am so sorry you have gone thru all this, your still standing, you are strong, i was in a similar situation marriage wise and financial wise and have been sick since the later 90's and just got some answers in 2012. i will be thinking of you i wish i could tell you my story but i just dont even have the strength right now. big hugs, i wish i could give you more. kel
What would you possibly get into trouble for? Having been a Spec Ed teacher and prior to that working for Medicaid, I am well aware that we have rights under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). It is worth the read if your disease interfered with some issue that it would not have had you not had the disease, i.e. work, housing, education etc.
reet said:
I hate to say this and I hope we don't get in trouble for this but this is my fed gov interference. I know this for a fact but that is all I will say.
jujubeee said:
I don't know if this is exactly what your looking for, but here goes. I was discharged a couple weeks ago from my pain management clinic I've been going to for eight years. I saw a PA instead of my usual doc. He said he was tossing me out for having too little opiates in my system. I asked if he was sure given I take 27 pills a day. He interupted me and said my pain doc wanted me discharged. I went into fog. I looked at the paper in his hand but didn't see the words. I told him I don't take the pills everyday. I wasn't sure what day I last took them., I thought it was two days before. He started asking me things like "Do I want to kill someone", "Am I in some kind of danger at home?" and the like. I thought it was preposterous.
I think he did took advantage of my cns issues and fog. Because I couldn't give him a time, day and hour he assumed I was unfit to have pain medication (In addition to SLE I have a morton's neuroma, peripheral neuropathy (bilateral carpal, tarpal, ulnar), osteoarthritis, cervical spondlytis, trigeminal neuralgia). I can't imagine how I'm going to continue any quality of life.
He polices all the patients and finds reasons to kick em out. He told me my doctor wanted me to sign the dismissal. I was shocked. I signed in a fog but wish I didn't.
I see my real pain doc for a procedure this coming Friday. I hope to explain about my pills and will bring in my leftovers, something this PA didn't let me do and I was in such a state of shock and fog I never said anything about it. My bottles say "Take As Needed"., so I really don't see what I violated. BUT this PA definitely took advantage of my fogginess.
I see my GP tomorrow and I'm sure they already sent a letter to him telling him I'm a drug addict. I've lost sleep, have surgery scheduled for the 27th, just had a major surgery a couple months ago, and am really scared I'm going to be left without any way to handle the pain from surgery.
I think in my case it's a combo..maybe our doctors could give us a little leeway since we have a condition that is known to cause fog without using the laws or rules against us.
I do hope that you are doing well now. Knowing the toll it took on me, I am so sorry that you had to go through that. You know now that you have rights. I would like everyone to know that regardless of the issue...legal, medical, etc. there are laws in place to protect those of us that no longer have the capability we once did.
You are in my thoughts.
XOXO,
DeAnne
kel said:
gosh, i am so sorry you have gone thru all this, your still standing, you are strong, i was in a similar situation marriage wise and financial wise and have been sick since the later 90's and just got some answers in 2012. i will be thinking of you i wish i could tell you my story but i just dont even have the strength right now. big hugs, i wish i could give you more. kel
After 30 years of abuse in my marriage, it took this illness to open my eyes and divorce. For this, I do thank God. I was not able to deal with my disease and my husband at the same time. We were born for greatness, not to be a punching bag. I am alone and happy, instead of miserably accompanied. My regret is not doing it earlier.
Good for you. I did not know that I had Lupus when I left him, but looking back now I was exhibiting symptoms (which he promptly ignored). Having to go through this, the feelings of losing oneself, by yourself is frustrating, scary and makes you feel less than you are. I was told over and over what a loser I was. I know now that it's not true and that is the most empowering thing I could have learned through all of this. My current husband is wonderful. We married even though he had watched me progressively decline health wise.
Like you, I feel like I can handle anything because I have a husband who is my rock. For the first 5 years I was alone and even then I was happier than I ever was while married to the a$$. Sometimes being alone is better than being in an abusive (regardless of the type of abuse) relationship.
Again, good for you. You have a family here that will not ever leave or judge you.
I am so very sorry you are having to deal with all this additional stress. It is hard enough keeping yourself calm not to aggravate your lupus symptoms. I sure hope you can find an attorney that will fight for you. Please know you are in my prayers.
It's always when we say we never will that the right one sneaks up on you. But I am pleased you are enjoying your freedom, I remember the first months after my divorce. How wonderful that you are finding yourself again.
Thanks, W...vegas. The first months after the divorce I did want to hook up again with a nice guy. He died of a heart attack shortly after. After that, I started getting comfortable with being on my own. I now love it.