Please offer your coping methods

General
1

tired and stretched....

Posted by vrr1970 on April 11, 2013 at 10:13am

hi friends~

i hope you each are as happy and healthy as possible. as for me? well, physically i'm doing pretty good pain wise. mentally, i struggle. i've told you all about the issues i have at work and they continue. my mother's mental health is worsening and the bulk of that is falling to me to look after. my grandmother is reaching her final days and oddly this is the one thing i have peace about.

i find myself anxious and tired despite finally getting to sleep all night. i've been looking to daily devotions and my Bible for understanding and it seems like i'm ok here at home, but when i walk into work it flies apart. i like the young men i take care of very much. i like what i do for them, but not knowing if i'll be fully staffed or if what i'm being asked to plan will change (and it does constantly) really gets to me.

i also have a supervisor that i can not count upon. i'm having to remind her of things regarding where her job and mine overlap. she made a huge accusation against myself and 3 others and did not apologize even after being proven wrong. to make a long story short--- i am struggling. this isn't all that goes on, but just the short version.

then there's mom...her mental illness is escalating again and she expects my brother and i to drop everything and come running over anything she becomes obsessed with. we've gone through this before and usually as it worsens, it either means a hospitalization or a suicide attempt. my brother and i are beside ourselves as there's nothing we can do about it. we're trying to maintain our lives with work and family and we deal with this also.

despite this, i do try to remind myself that life could be worse and to be thankful for what i have. it's just overwhelming at times. the last thing i think about is my grandmother. she is dying. but she's come to grips with it and she seems at peace. if she can be, then i can respect it and be peaceful about it also. she's fought long and hard against many illnesses and she's tired. i love her enough to let her go.

i just want some peace in my mind and heart and right now, it seems i can't get there. i feel so overwhelmed and there's no way to simplify anywhere. i've tried to find ways to do so. i know the saying, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." perhaps that's true, but i'm at a point where i feel i'm going to break. i didn't know what else to do but come here.

i've even gone as far as to question if the Lupus is accelerating the emotions i have and i can honestly say in this case the answer is 'no'. so, with that being said do you all have any ideas on how to cope better? i'm trying to keep this from reaching the point where i'm flaring because we know what that does to us.

i just long for some calm in my life. i work 40+ hours a week with someone i am forced to put trust in and often don't. i'm trying to maintain my home. i'm trying to ensure my mother is as safe and healthy as possible. i just don't know........

well, i suppose i need to end this rant/pity party/whatever you want to call it. i would appreciate any suggestions in helping cope though- seriously. you all always give me sound advice and i appreciate it. i just need some different perspective. thanks for listening!

take care,

vicky

2

hi vicky, my daughter suffers with bad bi polar so i know how you feel, she is only 25 and tries to end her life on a regular basis, the stress of that with the upset is what started all my illnesses off. i cant just wash my hands of her as she is my daughter but there is only so much i can do now without it affecting my health, its a long hard struggle but what else can we do?

3

Hi Vicky, I am sorry to hear of all of the pain and heart ache you are going through. I don't have any advice to offer except keep praying and God always answers. I am here to listen to your rant and pity parties as long as you need to vent. That's what we are all about. You have to stay strong and not let it send you into a flare, it sounds like your mother really needs you in spite of the Lupus. I will continue to send up prayers that things will get better for you and your family. Many blessings and hugs

4

Hi Vicky. I agree with Trisha. You have lots on your plate right now and first and foremost I’d turn to God. That’s what I do. I pour out my fears and troubles to Him when I feel like I’m drowning. I’m sorry about your mom’s worsening mental illness. I know how you feel. I have 2 sons with mental illness that still live at home. One takes his meds, but the other one (bipolar) won’t take meds. Life is definitely a roller coaster. My dad also was bipolar and didn’t take meds. He ended up committing suicide, so I know how you must feel about your mom becoming suicidal. Death is hard to deal with as it is (as in your grandmother nearing hers). Unnatural death such as suicide is even harder to cope with. It’s no wonder you feel like you’re going to break. I completely understand about feeling overwhelmed and wanting peace of mind and heart. What I do is just face each day as it comes. Life is so unpredictable. I used to worry about the future. Not anymore. I force it out of my mind. There is so much we have no control over. I used to be the strong one in my household, that is until I was diagnosed with lupus and could no longer keep up with everything. My 70 year old mom is also dependent on me because she doesn’t drive and I live closest to her. My siblings are too far. Despite everything I still count my blessings and thank God for being there for me.Yes I have my bleak moments of despair sometimes where I let the tears flow in private and have my own “pity party”. It works to release my anguish and then I’m able to wash my face and get on with life. Faith, hope, not giving up yet giving in to tears sometimes, and even denial at times is how I cope along with prayer. You mentioned work is causing you lots of distress and I wish I could give you advice on that one. My solution to that was to quit, but I know many can’t do that. I have a friend with lupus who also had too much stress at work because of co-workers, so she found another job that is less stressful with no co-workers, only her and her boss. She’s doing much better now. I hope you find some peace of mind soon.

5

Hi Vicki - I also ditto everything everyone has said. The only thing I can add is that meditation also helps reduce stress levels. If you are interested, I can give you some links. Susan

6

Hi Vicky,

There is not a one of us that don't feel overwhelmed at times, but it does sound as if you seem to be hit all at once.

You are strong, though. Strong enough to know when to ask for help. I know this is different than many others are saying, but I definitely would ask your doctor for a recommendation to someone to help you with this.

We can do a lot for ourselves, but there is no shame in asking for help. This sounds as if it's a lot on your plate and there are people that can help you.

In the meantime, there are some great videos on the internet that show some easy meditation and biofeedback techniques that may help you be able to destress. Sleep is imperative for your health.

I am so sorry that you are going through so much all at once. Let your family know that you need help with your mother (if they are willing). You need to be honest with those around you and let them know that you need assistance.

Again, I know this is a little different and I truly am not insensitive (believe me, if you knew my son you would know that ;)) but your health is just as important.

Ignorance of others is frustrating, but it is what it is and they are not worth the room in your mind.

Be strong, and we are here for you anytime.

Hugs & Love,

DeAnne

7

DeAnne, good advice. I completely forgot about counseling. Sometimes that is the way to go, too. Professional help is a necessity sometimes and there is no shame in seeking it. Nor is there in taking medication when you need it to keep you going. I’ve done all of the above to “keep keepin’ on”. Herbal teas, singing and going for a walk with one of my dogs at the forest preserves also helps me to relax/cope.

8

I humbly thank you all for your kind words of support and encouragement. I'm going to work on me a day at a time and try (I emphasize that word) to get through one task or crisis one at a time. I have given it all to God. I'm contemplating getting either an IPOD or mp3 player and start collecting some music again. I can lose myself in good music. I read. I pray. But it's hit and miss a lot. My work hours don't help. I usually have weekends. I'm going to have to delegate some time to just "be". Honestly, with all we here on this site endure and just life in general....it makes one think they are going nuts. But again---thank you from the bottom of my heart.

9

i hope all goes well for you.x

vrr1970 said:

I humbly thank you all for your kind words of support and encouragement. I'm going to work on me a day at a time and try (I emphasize that word) to get through one task or crisis one at a time. I have given it all to God. I'm contemplating getting either an IPOD or mp3 player and start collecting some music again. I can lose myself in good music. I read. I pray. But it's hit and miss a lot. My work hours don't help. I usually have weekends. I'm going to have to delegate some time to just "be". Honestly, with all we here on this site endure and just life in general....it makes one think they are going nuts. But again---thank you from the bottom of my heart.

10

Vicky, I think that’s a great idea about getting an iPod or MP3 player since you mentioned you can lose yourself in good music. Works for me and I hope it works for you, too. I’m never alone here at home, so when I go for a drive I like to release my emotions through singing to my favorite songs. Doesn’t matter how I sound. There’s no one to criticize. It definitely works. I also like your idea of delegating some time to “just be”. We can’t be everything to everybody all the time. We’re so busy trying to look after everybody else that we put ourselves last. No wonder we get overwhelmed and burned out. Take care.




vrr1970 said:

I have given it all to God. I’m contemplating getting either an IPOD or mp3 player and start collecting some music again. I can lose myself in good music. I read. I pray. I’m going to have to delegate some time to just “be”.

11

me too, loved my mp4 player and would often sing to it walking the dog, had a few stares because my singing isn't that great but who cares, i don't. do whatever helps you and don't worry what others think :)

Keepkeepinon said:

Vicky, I think that's a great idea about getting an iPod or MP3 player since you mentioned you can lose yourself in good music. Works for me and I hope it works for you, too. I'm never alone here at home, so when I go for a drive I like to release my emotions through singing to my favorite songs. Doesn't matter how I sound. There's no one to criticize. It definitely works. I also like your idea of delegating some time to "just be". We can't be everything to everybody all the time. We're so busy trying to look after everybody else that we put ourselves last. No wonder we get overwhelmed and burned out. Take care.


vrr1970 said:

I have given it all to God. I'm contemplating getting either an IPOD or mp3 player and start collecting some music again. I can lose myself in good music. I read. I pray. I'm going to have to delegate some time to just "be".

12

Good advice Mia. My oldest son thinks I sound terrible when I sing, my youngest son thinks I sound great. You just reminded me of something. I was once walking my dog and listening to music with earplugs in while singing “Jesus Loves Me” when I didn’t even notice a man approaching me. He struck up a conversation with me and I thought, “Wow! My singing didn’t scare him off!” :slight_smile:



miasmall said:

me too, loved my mp4 player and would often sing to it walking the dog, had a few stares because my singing isn't that great but who cares, i don't. do whatever helps you and don't worry what others think :)

13

ha ha, you must be better than me then, when i sing all the dogs come running :/

Keepkeepinon said:

Good advice Mia. My oldest son thinks I sound terrible when I sing, my youngest son thinks I sound great. You just reminded me of something. I was once walking my dog and listening to music with earplugs in while singing "Jesus Loves Me" when I didn't even notice a man approaching me. He struck up a conversation with me and I thought, "Wow! My singing didn't scare him off!" :)



miasmall said:

me too, loved my mp4 player and would often sing to it walking the dog, had a few stares because my singing isn't that great but who cares, i don't. do whatever helps you and don't worry what others think :)

14

Hi susanjs

I think it would be nice if you could provide the links on meditations here or on a new discussion??? Meditation is so powerful, even starting a few minutes a day helped ADHD kids improve their coping skills. There was a whole town featured on 60 minutes awhile ago that meditate, in the school and it was really amazing : ) I would like to see your links please?

susanjs said:

Hi Vicki - I also ditto everything everyone has said. The only thing I can add is that meditation also helps reduce stress levels. If you are interested, I can give you some links. Susan

15

So funny Mia! I think having a sense of humor despite adversity is another way to cope with the challenges we face in life. I sing to my dogs sometimes and they quickly walk away!




miasmall said:

ha ha, you must be better than me then, when i sing all the dogs come running :confused:

16

oh yes having a laugh keeps me going, its laugh or cry and i know which i would rather do :)

Keepkeepinon said:

So funny Mia! I think having a sense of humor despite adversity is another way to cope with the challenges we face in life. I sing to my dogs sometimes and they quickly walk away!


miasmall said:

ha ha, you must be better than me then, when i sing all the dogs come running :/

17

When things are really tough, I concentrate on getting through one day at a time. But I also keep in mind my bigger goals… To be happier, successful - whatever and how in some small way I’m moving towards that goal.
And every so often I reward myself with a new book or a clothing item, anything that makes me feel good and forget my troubles.
I’m sorry thing have been so tough for you and I hope some of these strategies may help.
Jen

18

Check this out. New group of very young people who know "all about it." This is their "signature" song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=cCkO3...

Says it all for me. It's not just Brittany, the band is as wonderful.

Bless us!

19

Simple yet powerful lyrics. People with unpredictable illnesses can definitely relate. I’d never heard this song before. Thanks for sharing.

20

Vicky,

YOU are not nuts! Life can be nuts sometimes, but you recognize that you need to destress which indicates that you have your feet firmly on the ground. Jesus loves you, and you are loved here as well. I am so glad that you have found and are using your coping mechanisms. I love to read and lose myself in someone else's life for a while.

You sound much better today.

Big hugs,

DeAnne

vrr1970 said:

I humbly thank you all for your kind words of support and encouragement. I'm going to work on me a day at a time and try (I emphasize that word) to get through one task or crisis one at a time. I have given it all to God. I'm contemplating getting either an IPOD or mp3 player and start collecting some music again. I can lose myself in good music. I read. I pray. But it's hit and miss a lot. My work hours don't help. I usually have weekends. I'm going to have to delegate some time to just "be". Honestly, with all we here on this site endure and just life in general....it makes one think they are going nuts. But again---thank you from the bottom of my heart.