Yesterday I hit a new stage of grief for me. I've been plugging along rather well, I think, but fully aware that I have a lot of dealing to do still. Mostly I've been in survival mode, and thus haven't given myself much room to FEEL about my diagnosis in March. It's come in tiny jumps and starts, though. I've not been too focused on pinning down what stage of grief I might currently be dealing with. But yesterday I very clearly hit Anger.
I wrote about my feelings in my blog. I've been finding my blog to be a rather good place for expressing myself and my often confusing or difficult feelings about Lupus. Sometimes I've cross-posted between here and there, in fact.
At any rate, I now understand that my sudden flare of Lupus-focused rage was most definitely me working through my grief. It can be so hard, though. Intentionally or not, the world seems to discourage dealing with your feelings in anything but an internal fashion. And sometimes that just isn't possible. I had a wonderful, long talk with my hubby after I wrote that and had him read it. He's very good at being supportive and helpful without being trite or placating. He helped me to calm and laugh and accept.
I hope all of you have someone close to you to talk to when the anger strikes deep and strong, or when the sorrow overwhelms you. It's important to have someone who can listen and understand and be there for you. That's why these boards are important to me too. It gives me somewhere to talk, to express, to share where I know others will listen, will understand, and will offer kindness in the midst of this cruel disease.
Good that you are finding ways to cope with this very crippling disease. It is certainly no fun battling these painful symptoms that can be many and occur suddenly. It's easy to become an introvert as you deal with this long term, but talking to a sympathetic ear can be very helpful. Keep the positive thoughts flowing and good luck with your condition.
Thanks for sharing your story and journey. It definitely is important to have a support system surrounding you as you walk the journey of this disease. So thankful for this support group as well. Great place to be able to share and know your are not alone.
I am exactly where u are. I have had rage…sadness…the entire gamut of emotions. It was really hard at first but its getting easier to express my emotions and I have a pretty good support system. Im glad ur finding a way to get it out.
Hi Talencia, I know exactly how you feel. I have been going through many stages of emotions lately. I have been depressed and angry and so very sad all at the same time. Getting up to go to work has been so difficult. I am exhausted. I am still trying to work 40 hours a week and it is just not physically possible for me right now. If my lupus isn't flaring up, it's the RA or the fibro or something else. I am sure you all understand how I feel. I too appreciate these boards and the support we all receive from each other. While I would not wish this walk on anyone, I do feel better knowing that I am not alone. Hugs to you all.
Been a while since we spoke and I apologize for that. The move kicked my behind. I am sorry you are having such a struggle but you are strong and certainly self-aware which is super. I am so happy that you have such a great husband and I know you will find the strength through your faith ad well.
Biggest hugs
DeAnne
Thanks for sharing your story, we are all there with you. I'm so glad that you have such great support in your husband. Mine is pretty good too. My brother is my best support as he has Myasthenia Gravis. Daily we discuss our aches and pains, what medication works best. I think I would go crazy without him because he truly understands.
Good letter and probably how most of us feel.Great to have a hubby that is supportful and understanding your feelings Mine is too and am lucky to have him.