Hello, and happy Saturday to all. I hope that you are all doing as well as possible. As for me, I think I am overdue on my "therapy session". It has been a busy week for me and I found myself missing my lupie family. Although I have not been a part of this support group for very long, you all have become a important part of my life. I love that I have somewhere to come and be understood, to have people that really know what this life is like. Emotionally I have been doing better, I have been doing alot of praying about the depression (well, I pray about everything lol), but the past week or two I have been trying to focus on my state of mind and how to deal with the depression. I think I am getting better with it. It is amazing what having a chronic illness will do to your mind!! Now if only there was a way to deal with being scatterbrained! I have yet to figure that out.
Anyways, I want to back up a little bit. I have been using my walker more, I still hate it lol, but I have learned to accept it. It really does make such a difference, except I figured out over the past few days that even though it is easier for me to get around by myself, I still can't do much. I pushed my limits and am now stuck in bed in pain. I always manage to push myself til I'm sick...and today is unbearable. IT doesn't help that I am still in this flare, my kidneys have not been hurting as bad, hopefully I can get over this infection soon. I still am having trouble eating and actually keeping food down, I try to eat drink alot of the carnation instant breakfast drinks, and fruit smoothies. The nausea is horrible, I have always been such a lover of food and would give anything to be able to cook (and eat) a full meal. Even just the thought of it made me stop typing and turn my focus to something else to ease the nausea. I amn trying really hard to finish this post, it has taken me almost an hour to get this far! How can we go downhill just like that?? Just in the past hour, My body feels like its angry at me, like it wants to just shut down... if that makes sense?!? I should probably wrap this up. I also have a update on the boyfriend situation. In my last post, things were not looking so good....he has made a complete turn around! One of you had suggested asking him "why" he was not willing to try and understand what I was going through. We sat and had a long talk, which I will post more on later. I know that alot of you have been praying with me and I want to thank you all! I am not positive that my relationship can withstand the storms, but we have decided that our family is worth fighting for. He has let me cry and yell and be angry, and he even has started joining in on the "spoon" conversations. We are far from perfect, but I think we might have a chance.
Well, it is time for me to give in. I'm not doing so hot. My thoughts and prayers are with you all :)