I feel 6 million pounds. I don't want to get up everything takes so much effort and my head is pounding. I feel sick because I went for a short walk with the kids outside and I just want to cry. I found out that I had lupus about 2 years ago by accident and while I thought having a reason for all the pain would somehow make me feel better it doesn't. I feel like a burden to the family most of the time. My husband got hurt at work and complains every day about his back and is always taking medication for it. I work and go to school, take care of the kids and house, I'm on the PTO, and I volunteered this school year as a class mom and care reader. I'm TIRED I HURT and I'm sick of feeling bad for it. We've got 2 kids and just had another early miscarriage/chemical pregnancy, we weren't trying for another baby (it's soooo not the time) but things happen...unless they don't. So there's stress from that, stress from finding out that the unemployment that I was getting is now being terminated for anyone in the state on an extension, stress from helping my dad with his business, stress from trying to find a job, and the stress from the last week of the semester. THat's probably most of those 6 million pounds.
Anyone have a curriculum evaluation plan they'd like to share so I can understand how to do the stupid thing? My focus is so shot I keep reading the directions over and over.
What's wrong with me???? I just can't get anything done right
I can't help with you with advice with the curriculum evaluation plan as i'm from the uk.
I will say this how your hurting and your emotionally stressed out...god you need some help is'nt there any close family that would help...your doing way to much and what your body can only limit itself to should be done in paces but i do know your symptoms will hit you harder with the stress because lupus adores depression and stress and makes out symptoms worse.
I really am sorry you had a miscarriage ontop...as that's terrible for a woman besides and those are things lupus causes besides, it may have happened due to how your overdoing things and stress.
I have no one to talk to. I tried talking to my husband about feeling crappy from being out in the sun and having just found out I should avoid it and he's like oh well we don't know that you even have Lupus...when I lost my insurance the last blood work said I did, I have the pain, get the rash, and was told by several doctors that my tests could go back and fourth in the beginning. If I complain about how I feel he shoots me down like it's not as important as the injury he got at work.
Hey Jessie you always have someone to talk to, vent to or just get overall advice from here on LWL. I would like you to stop and breathe and take time for yourself. If you don't with the amount of stress that you are under you are inviting Lupus to slow you down. It is bad enough that even under close to ideal situations Lupus affects us but adding stress and sun to that is a recipe for flares. I understand how you feel when I was first diagnosed my husband was laid off, and I had a teenage daughter the was severly depressed and two other daughters that was in college which meant that I was watching my five grandkids along with trying to keep the house clean and working. I was exhausted and wishing that they would understand how I felt like the weight of the world on my shoulders. I would be fine during the day or so I thought but I would crash at night because of exhaustion. I found that the more I tried to keep up and do everything the worse I felt. Now even though I'm not working and I try not to take on so much responsibility I still have down time but it is not nearly as bad as it once was. I find that no one can understand what we go through and because Lupus is somewhat of an invisible disease everyone thinks that we are fine. Anyway, take care of yourself FIRST, and if you need anyone to talk to I'm here.
Thanks guys =) I wish my family was as understanding instead of demanding. For my husband to even suggest I'm fine really upset me more than anything else.
I know he's your hubby but i can't understand men like your hubby, it gets me down when you need a shoulder or someone to talk to because Lupus can make you feel lost, i was in the same boat with my ex before i had Lupus he used to leave me concerning my seizures and when i had incontinence while in them i'd come around he's be watching tele why i was in a right state, the marraige did'nt last long through it all besides playing with my head mentally but ste my hubby now is the best thing what happened to me..so i 100% know how your feeling and where your coming from but you have us all your 2nd family.... i know we're not by you but we're always here for you.
From us all off LWL. xxxxx
Jessie said:
I have no one to talk to. I tried talking to my husband about feeling crappy from being out in the sun and having just found out I should avoid it and he's like oh well we don't know that you even have Lupus...when I lost my insurance the last blood work said I did, I have the pain, get the rash, and was told by several doctors that my tests could go back and fourth in the beginning. If I complain about how I feel he shoots me down like it's not as important as the injury he got at work.
Last night I had terrible pains in my legs and the sides of my feet, random lightening like hot pains and my husband says it's just dehydration...if I were any more hydrated my eyes would float away. After knowing him for 15 years I would think I would have noticed he was such a jerk. He goes out of his way lately to make me feel like I'm a big baby. I barely complain about the pain I'm in and when I can't handle it anymore he treats me like this? He discredits all the positive tests and the doctor telling me that he thought from my symptoms and the lovely face rash that he thought I had Lupus (the high risk obgyn) He wants to make me out to be a hypochondriac when he's the one who says "oh i think I'm having a heart attack" almost monthly and has been to the hospital more in the last year than I have in probably the past 6- and there are 2 kids in those 6 years.
Does anyone else have a hard time breathing when they get a flare? I feel like theres cotton in my lungs and it happened a lot when I was pregnant before the baby was big enough to do it
It was'nt dehydration you was having lastnight, you was having bad leg and feet spasms and i suffer with them daily and they are painful.
Sorry to say this Jessie but he's actually mentally playing with your head and after 15yrs of marriage when you need him the most it's like he's turning against you and you can't play off what doctor's have said to your own advantage and what he believes.
Well i'm the sort of person if i had anyone like that around me again when he's dying of an heart attack tell him to get an ambulance himself or go to the hospital on his own and you'll soon see then what he's like...he's a man who's playing on sympathy votes and all self...i know i should'nt speak how i am because he is your hubby but my first was identical he messed with my head badly and i went into a right depressive state and felt like i was going mad and in the end i throwed him out i'd had enough...he came back from work and all his stuff was packed and throwed over 6ft iron gates i'd totally had enough.
Yes breathing can be affected by a flare and also anxiety attacks can cause this bad....with your lungs sometimes lupus settles in them...i've had a swelling develope on my back with how bad it got, it can cause pleurisy besides pneumonia so be very careful and if i was you i'd go and see your doctor to make sure your ok.
I'm in pretty much the same situation, Jessie. Lately, I'm trying to educate them one issue at a time. I know we would feel so much better if we received as much as we've given. xoxo Kathy
Jessie said:
Thanks guys =) I wish my family was as understanding instead of demanding. For my husband to even suggest I'm fine really upset me more than anything else.
Well stated because alot of member's would feel more content with living with Lupus if they had more supportive love of a hubby or family but with ste i dropped on lucky but the first drove me soft and i never looked back best thing i did because christ knows where i'd be now, most likely a total nervous wreck. xxx
Kadeeeee said:
I'm in pretty much the same situation, Jessie. Lately, I'm trying to educate them one issue at a time. I know we would feel so much better if we received as much as we've given. xoxo Kathy
Jessie said:
Thanks guys =) I wish my family was as understanding instead of demanding. For my husband to even suggest I'm fine really upset me more than anything else.
There is NOTHING wrong with you. First you need to know that. It is hard to be a mom - there is so much that goes along with it. But trying to be a mom to your husband. Forget it. He will never grow up. Stop trying. Either he learns to function despite his pain… The same way you have or he can go back to his mom. I am slowly learning that with my own husband. I am only one person. So are you. Remember that all the things you may have been able to do are going to get harder. Doing more doesn’t make you resistant to the pain, fatigue and depression. It just makes it worse. You are going to have to learn to volunteer less. It is hard to say no. But you have to for the sake of your health and your children. Hugs and prayers. Cassie. Mom to 3 awesome kids /married to a “needy child man”
Terri xxx