So on my last doctor appointment I finally asked about something that's been happening for three or four months. I didn't think much of it at first, but as it became more common, I began to worry. Eventually even hubby was noticing it. When asked, even my brother had noticed!
What I experience is what feels like my cheeks flushing. It feels a lot like when I overheat, or if I'm blushing uncontrollably. The skin is warm to the touch, feels heated from below. Kinda like when you get a bad sunburn that isn't showing completely yet. It's always only on my cheeks, not my forehead or lips or anything. I always check to see if I have a fever, but I never do.
So when I told my rheumy about it, he immediately asked me to take pictures, as he said it could be a malar rash. I hadn't mentioned it before because (to me) this does not feel or look like a rash, it just feels flushed. Well, that was a little over a week ago, and hubby and I both assured him that it wouldn't be hard to catch, since it happens reasonably regularly. I was secretly hoping it wouldn't happen again, while also hoping it would. (Y'all understand how crazy one's wishes can get when dealing with this stuff.)
Last night it showed up again at bedtime. I was nervous and anxious about whether it really was the flushing or not, but it swiftly became obvious that yes, it was. So hubby took a picture of me. Sure enough, it clearly shows that my cheeks are pink, and it does resemble a light malar rash.
Now, when I started this journey about a year ago, I went marching in with the fear of Lupus. However, there wasn't anywhere near enough evidence of it being Lupus, and I was sorta relieved to end up just being diagnosed with UCTD. Hubby was worried I would be so obsessed with Lupus that I would try to manipulate/fret all my symptoms that direction. So I've worked hard at accepting the limbo of UCTD. I think I accomplished my goal of being settled with it. Of course that means that life has to throw a wrench in the works. Seems like having a malar rash would push things decisively back towards Lupus. And even though I knew it was a possibility, it scares me. Intellectually I know it won't change anything... I'll still be given the same meds to treat what's going on with me, and he'll still order bloodwork regularly to watch for further signs of problems... but emotionally it's hard.
Would some of you please share how having a malar rash feels to you? Does it feel like a typical (normal) rash? Does it feel just like the skin is blushing? Does it usually accompany you feeling worse, or is it random? Is it an indicator that your Lupus is flaring?
Regardless of what y'all have to share, it will help me feel a little more... well, I don't know. Like I have more information to work with.