Firstly, my heart goes out to you as I have felt your depression, anxiety and mourned the loss of life as I knew it. I am on the other side of that mountain right now but hang on tight every day to not lose footing. It is a very very hard pill to swallow, but there are ups and downs with this disease and getting help is part of the program. I fought it till I thought as you do, why live when this is as good as it gets!! That in itself is a huge red flag that depression has gone too far. Thankfully my Doctor clued in immediately and I was to down to fight taking the antidepressant. For me, Welbuterin was the answer along with pain meds and xanax when the anxiety was too much. Within a couple of months the cloud lifted and I began to live again. Live in a different and new normal for me but live none the less. I too did not know how to accept help from friends and family. In my case I quit answering the phone, quit calling and really isolated from everyone. I now accept the offer to do my grocery shopping or clean my house...Gladly!!! I think we have to understand that it is so hard for anyone not afflicted to understand what chronic anything will do to the human spirit. When help is offered and we turn it down it only makes those that offered feel as useless in this whole journey. If you have someone willing, accept and the closeness will only grow. I am off the meds for about a year and a half but I would take again if and when I start to slide back down. Please give it a try. There are many different options and all bodies are different so be as patient as you can. We dont have a cure but there are options and being as down as you are now is not one of them. My thoughts are with you and want you to feel there is hope and help. I promise you will be glad you did.
"I feel that I would be living a stable life based on medication and that's crazy..That mean I would not be dealing with life on life terms."
Life on life's terms, or your terms? I have heard that depression is selfishness - how judgmental is that? We did not chose to have Lupus, we are learning to manage our lives with Lupus. Medications used as a tool to help our lives is proactive. Accept the new normal
I am in your boat. I tried several meds that the side effects were worse than the disease. I now take Zanex when i need to. I am easier to agitation now too. My kids use to tell me to stick up for my self at stores and such. Now if i need to return something that doesnt work, they tell me to be nice. I too miss the old me who could do it all now I am toast when I get home from work and beat myself up for what I can’t get done around the house. I am lucky my imidiate family and my new Bose are very supportive. I can’t carry the laundry basket and my hubby defused to take it down stairs for me because he knew, I wasn’t feeling well and I would do laundry instead of resting last night. Kids are home this weekend so the kitchen will get cleaned and the house vacuumed. I feel bad because they shouldn’t have to do it. Good luck, hugs and wishes for a great day.
Take the medication & follow your Dr's orders you will do better in the long run. The symptoms you have can be directly related to Lupus. I'm an RN who also didn't believe in taking medicine. Lupus has made me a believer that I need to take medicine to keep the disease under control in order to live a better life. I almost went into kidney failure when I wasn't on any meds. I try to take the lowest dose possible but realize when I have flare ups my Rheumatologist has to sometimes use larger doses to save my organs. Since being diagnosed with Lupus my life has changed drastically. I no longer feel I have to do everything perfect. Every day is a new chance to accomplish what's important to me. My family is my priority & staying as healthy as possible. That's my new normal.
I have been on medication for years, it does not change you like you are thinking. It helps you get through life a little bit easier. When we have a chronic disease it can cause more anxiety and depression with many of us there is even a greater need for medication. I am in a lot of pain all the time so I take Cymbalta that helps with both pain and the emotional side. It takes awhile to find what works best for you. I think that you are over thinking your situation and there is no shame in taking medication to help you feel better.
Good luck and Hugs!
Ditto, Trisha! It can be a rough road, but I find it is a humbling experience, as well. I used to be a control freak ... no longer! Sometimes, I need help and now I am not afraid to ask for it. :)
Trisha said:
"I feel that I would be living a stable life based on medication and that's crazy..That mean I would not be dealing with life on life terms."
Life on life's terms, or your terms? I have heard that depression is selfishness - how judgmental is that? We did not chose to have Lupus, we are learning to manage our lives with Lupus. Medications used as a tool to help our lives is proactive. Accept the new normal
Don't beat yourself up. I have felt exactly the way you have & dealt with it the same way. I was also resistant to take anti depressants but.....I was driving myself "crazy" trying to stay strong & just deal with life. I became short tempered & the smallest, stupidest, silliest things would make me snap & angry outbursts. I just couldn't handle one more "normal" , everyday task without bawling. I was like, what the hell has happened to me I can't even sweep the floor or take out the trash, etc..etc....I felt broken mentally & physically. The last straw was while I was in waiting room of GP. I had the wonderful (lol) Lupus mask & was broke out. There was a woman & her teenage daughter that were staring, laughing & talking about me & my face. I overheard almost all of it & what hurt the most was hearing them say gee where is her sense of pride she should have enough self pride to wear makeup & do herself up more. I wanted to shout "I'm doing the best I can, How would you like it when it hurts to wear clothes or lift arms above head to fix hair only to have hair fall out." but I didn't, that was my breaking point.
I talked with my GP & he told me options of antidepressants & asked me what took so long to decide - he was awesome & said he was beginning to worry about me & how I was handling the illness & all that came along with it. I was on Cymbalta & now I am on Savella. My GP also said if ever I feel I want to see how I do without the meds we would taper it off & if it worked ok & if not we'd taper back up. Don't feel bad or ashamed Lupus has a lot of "baggage" and is a lot to take on along with feeling like crap & the lifestyle changes it brings. It is up to you but I actually felt more empowered because I feel that I have more control over my Lupus & it helped with the brain fog. Good Luck Will be thinking of ya. Take care of yourself.
I cant tell you whether you should take meds or not but I can share my experience. With everything I have to deal with, the Lupus, the Fibro, the Thyroid Disease, The MSRA, RLS, and blah blah blah and to top it off with having Schio Affective Disorder, DisAssociative Identity Disorder, anxiety and mood disorders and on top of that the major depression. It's too much I can't handle it on my own. My depression is so bad I take 4 different antidepressants and still sometimes I have taken an overdose, especially when I think I feel better and don't need the medication anymore. Duh that's why I was feeling better because the meds were working.
So I made a promise to myself that I would take my medication as prescribed EVERYDAY and that I WILL NOT allow the depression to ruin my holidays this year. I refuse to think that my life sucks right now. I told my therapist in an email that I was overwhelmed by the fact that we needed more money than what we had and I was stressing about it like I usually do and I had an active MRSA infection going on which I had to go for IV antibiotics everyday for 14 days, so I was whinning about that. And you know what she told me, she said "Sometimes life sucks and right now your life sucks, but you've been here before and always managed a way." At first I was pissed I wanted to scream, "My life doesn't suck!! I don't want my life to suck!!!" So I refuse to feel like my life sucks. I actually have a pretty good life aslong as I take all 15 pills everyday like I am supposed to.
Shawn
I’m on cymbalta also. It’s really helped me a lot. It helps some with the physical achey ness but mostly emotional. I used to start sobbing uncontrollably and feel so sad like giving up. Why live…why bother…no one cares etc. it’s a horrible way to feel and I can hear some of that in your post. The other comments are so true. If you had diabetes would you refuse insulin? Don’t worry about stigma or labels. Who cares! Does it matter? You feeling better matters!
Thanks
Beth Hodge said:
I was just put on Cymbalta. It has helped take the edge off my anxiety. Please accept the help. I know it's sometimes stigmatized but it's there to help you deal with day to day and live as normal as possible. Here if u need to chat
Taking medication is a tool to living life on life’s terms. Why not have an easier time with it. I also recommend therapy or support groups. No one in this world needs to be a martyr. That crap only happens in fairy tales. Set pride aside, ask for help and take it. Trust me I have a hard time with this myself. However, once I humble myself enough to receive help I’m actually beginning to heal.
That is Very GOOD advice!!..Beverly L.
misunderstoodMom said:
Firstly, my heart goes out to you as I have felt your depression, anxiety and mourned the loss of life as I knew it. I am on the other side of that mountain right now but hang on tight every day to not lose footing. It is a very very hard pill to swallow, but there are ups and downs with this disease and getting help is part of the program. I fought it till I thought as you do, why live when this is as good as it gets!! That in itself is a huge red flag that depression has gone too far. Thankfully my Doctor clued in immediately and I was to down to fight taking the antidepressant. For me, Welbuterin was the answer along with pain meds and xanax when the anxiety was too much. Within a couple of months the cloud lifted and I began to live again. Live in a different and new normal for me but live none the less. I too did not know how to accept help from friends and family. In my case I quit answering the phone, quit calling and really isolated from everyone. I now accept the offer to do my grocery shopping or clean my house…Gladly!!! I think we have to understand that it is so hard for anyone not afflicted to understand what chronic anything will do to the human spirit. When help is offered and we turn it down it only makes those that offered feel as useless in this whole journey. If you have someone willing, accept and the closeness will only grow. I am off the meds for about a year and a half but I would take again if and when I start to slide back down. Please give it a try. There are many different options and all bodies are different so be as patient as you can. We dont have a cure but there are options and being as down as you are now is not one of them. My thoughts are with you and want you to feel there is hope and help. I promise you will be glad you did.
LOL!!!..Beverly L.
Trisha said:
“I feel that I would be living a stable life based on medication and that’s crazy…That mean I would not be dealing with life on life terms.”
Life on life’s terms, or your terms? I have heard that depression is selfishness - how judgmental is that? We did not chose to have Lupus, we are learning to manage our lives with Lupus. Medications used as a tool to help our lives is proactive. Accept the new normal
Hey!, sit back for a moment and small things , their faces will shine liks stars in the nite! For them to see you trying is all they want to see…Beverly L.
McMommy said:
I am in your boat. I tried several meds that the side effects were worse than the disease. I now take Zanex when i need to. I am easier to agitation now too. My kids use to tell me to stick up for my self at stores and such. Now if i need to return something that doesnt work, they tell me to be nice. I too miss the old me who could do it all now I am toast when I get home from work and beat myself up for what I can’t get done around the house. I am lucky my imidiate family and my new Bose are very supportive. I can’t carry the laundry basket and my hubby defused to take it down stairs for me because he knew, I wasn’t feeling well and I would do laundry instead of resting last night. Kids are home this weekend so the kitchen will get cleaned and the house vacuumed. I feel bad because they shouldn’t have to do it. Good luck, hugs and wishes for a great day.
I didn’t read the other responses, but I have been on anxiety meds for over 5 years, and I take antidepressants even though I HATE them. I have changed antidepressants at least 8 times. I feel strongly that finding the right one is imperative. Here’s the thing. Depression and anxiety are not a sign of weakness, or that you cannot deal with life like “normal” people. There is no such thing as normal. Every person’s reality is different. Depression (and often pain-I have fibromyalgia) are chemical imbalances in the brain or misfiring nerves, etc. If you have a chemical imbalance causing depression, no amount of flowery " you can do it" will fix that. I can be pretty cynical at times. You have to do what is best for your body and over all well being. If that means meds, do it. But I do suggest staying strong and firm that if one isn’t making you feel right, to ask to try another. I wish you the best!
I think you should take the meds; you will feel better.....I am speaking from experience but I am not a doctor! All the best, LupanCatwoman
Have you tried speaking with therapist or counselor before trying the drugs. You might find speaking with someone to help you find out about how severe your depression and anxiety is might really help you. Also might get to the bottom of where they could be coming from.
If you find out you have moderate to severe depression than i day try the antidepressants which some will also help with anxiety.
I do not know how long ago you were diagnosed...but if not that long a few years...well often takes that long to just go through all the grieving process. Kind sounds like you might not be done grieving the loss of your health, some dreams etc.
I know out here in Ca many Rheum are hiring therapist as part of their office team. They found they are getting results..less drugs, improved health plus...communication between doctor and patient has improved significantly!
I have not responded to any of you guys because I was afraid you see I was diagnosed last dec. Then diagnosis with kidney cancer and had 1 removed. I was approved for ssd in 6 months.i have been also diagnosed with anxiety and deppression my point is I didn’t realize it is related to lupus I’m rerelieved I find myself depressed god sent you guys to me this morning I’ve been struggling with denial fear and grief
I was diagnosed with lupus this year i am a 61 year old youthful mother and grandmother who never thought i wiould have a chronic illness. Oh I forgot to mention i am also a certified drug and alcohol counselor and most of my patients have depression anxiety and a host off chronic illnesses. In the beginning i felt betrayed by my body and i also was reluctant to take medication however i looked at my children and thought i dont have the right to not be there for them just because i cantm accept my illnesses. I also realized that the first thing i do with my patients is to make sure their mental health status is stable or there is no possible chance for recovery. So i follow my medication regiment and i have been back to work after having 3 major surgeries despite the diagnosis for lupus oh yeah i forgot to mention i also have gout. who would have thought (smile). I've always been told i do things in a big way. It must be true If i can do it i'm sure u can too
fearful said:
I was diagnosed with lupus this year i am a 61 year old youthful mother and grandmother who never thought i wiould have a chronic illness. Oh I forgot to mention i am also a certified drug and alcohol counselor and most of my patients have depression anxiety and a host off chronic illnesses. In the beginning i felt betrayed by my body and i also was reluctant to take medication however i looked at my children and thought i dont have the right to not be there for them just because i cantm accept my illnesses. I also realized that the first thing i do with my patients is to make sure their mental health status is stable or there is no possible chance for recovery. So i follow my medication regiment and i have been back to work after having 3 major surgeries despite the diagnosis for lupus oh yeah i forgot to mention i also have gout. who would have thought (smile). I've always been told i do things in a big way. It must be true If i can do it i'm sure u can too