How can doctors be so cold hearted?

General
1

I am still in shock that after waiting five weeks to finally even get close to my appointment date...the doctor calls and says he is going to cancel my appointment because I am not a good candidate for him to help.

Just a little background - I have had a total of seven surgeries in the last four years on my knees. This included total knee replacements on both knees and then revisions to correct problems back to back. So for four years I have either been waiting to get surgery or healing and then doing rehab. The last surgery I had didn't take at all to help keep my kneecap in place and strengthen my tendons and ligaments. The surgeon told me that there is just nothing else he could do for me. So I left his office in a wheelchair unable to use either of my legs.

Everyone told me I needed to see a specialist surgeon who did custom knee replacements for someone like me. This doctor came highly recommended and was rated very high on all his reviews. I spent $60.00 on federal expressing two separate sets of records to him and I had to do a lot of follow up phone calls for them to even consider me. Finally I got a call that said I was accepted as a patient and they gave me an appointment time. The appointment was six weeks away and they said they had nothing sooner. So the only thing that has been getting me through all my pain was that I was going to finally be evaluated by a very elite doctor that might me able to help me. They sent me a confirmation letter and all the forms I needed to fill out before I came in.

Two days ago I got a call from this surgeon's nurse telling me she was cancelling my appointment because the doctor reviewed my records again and decided I was not a good enough candidate for him to be able to help. I cried on the phone and said please just let me come in and have a consultation and two minutes later I got another phone call saying the doctor said no.

My husband called the nurse back about an hour later and asked if she could explain why I couldn't keep my appointment. After about twenty minutes of giving my husband all sorts of silly excuses the bottom line my appointment was cancelled.

Honestly!!! I didn't know a doctor could refuse to see a patient. I have good insurance so he would get paid for his time. It gets down to the fact (I think) that he didn't want me on his statistics.

Well like I said I cried and continued to cry and then I decided to report this doctor to the Department of Healing Arts. According to the rules a doctor cannot just abandon you without speaking to you face to face or at least sending you the information in writing and giving a referral. I know this is not going to be a big deal for this doctor but he will have to respond and take time out of his day. The only thing I want to happen is for him to think about it before he does it to some other patient that really needed his help.

I am working on getting a better wheelchair to maybe make things a little better for me. I am going to keep on trying no matter what or who tries to get me down.

Thanks for listening. I so appreciate each and every one of you taking a moment to read my post.

Take care,

2

I am so very sorry that you are going through this. I do hope that you read the post by JC regarding docs and their fear of patients that they are unable help. If you are not seeing a pain management doctor, ask for a referral. The reason I say this is that they know the best surgeons in their fields and perhaps could refer you to someone with whom he works.

It could be very likely that he is, in fact worried about his stats.

Don't give up, you will find the right one for you. I have never met a Neurosurgeon who wasn't a jerk and few Orthopedic surgeons who weren't. Many do have a "God" complex that can mean disappointing results to the patient. I went through something similar about 10 years ago, and it took the referral from my pain doc to get me to the right surgeon. The Neurosurgeon was adamant that because the surgery didn't take, it was somehow my fault. He absolutely refused to admit that he was the one that screwed up.

Turned out I was right. Just remember, it's not your fault and you will find someone that can help. And that is going to be the one that ultimately helps you so it may be the best in the long run.

Gentle hugs,

DeAnne

3

Maybe you could also send a complaint to your insurance company. I had to do that once because a doctor I was seeing was soo rude and nasty. She gave me a migraine med that I had a reaction to. When I called her (after hours) she insisted that I was just drunk because it made me slur my words. When I saw her in the office the next day she continued on with that and basically called my a liar and a hypochondriac. I filed a complaint against her and I won. I wouldn’t hesitate to do the same. They need these insurance companies because they are their bread and butter. Just keep advocating for yourself.

4

In the US a doctor does NOT have to accept a patient. If you are already a patient of his and then he refuses to see you that is abandonment. Unfortunately you may have such complex problems that further surgery is not going to be effective. You need to develop a game plan with both your primary physician and your past surgeon as to what steps can be taken next- pain management is one and perhaps you need to go to a teaching hospital for a more definitive orthopedic opinion. Hoping for better news for you in the future

5

i am so sorry you have to go thru this like you havent been thru enuf already, good luck to you and just know we are here, it makes me feel so much better knowing this forum is here and that i can spill my guts. i have not had a doctor yet that will help me get to the bottom of my sickness i have been doing this since the late 90's - had a bad experience with rheumy on tuesday sometimes i just want to give up-thx for listening to me

6

first try not healing arts but Dept of Manage Health Care in your state...it is state dept that makes complaints against doctors for this exact reason and others...if you been treated unfairly etc.

Also call your insurance and make complaint with them. If he is under contract with them than he has obligation to see you....they tell you your rights.

I recently went through something similar in that my new primary ( who had agreed to write my pain medication since he has his practice in my small town) refused to do it and pain doctor who is over hour away would not since i had not signed their agreement.

So after being on fentanyl patches at fairly high dose for over 7 years, i went into withdrawal. NOT A Pleasant Experience at all!!! it was so bad that now i am trying to find a doctor or place to help me wean off them.....guess what pain mgmt doctors do not help you get off.

I asked my PA about it and he half heartedly said he give me few drugs to help....well after reading information about going off pain meds you should be under doctor's care or hospitalized since you can die since you body goes through so much trauma.

My older sister has been VP for large Insurance Company and hospital administrator, i finally called her before I went into withdrawal since i could not believe that my doctors did not have some responsibility to keep me safe and not get sick....so she told me about DMHC..here in Ca but told me all states have it...as she had to work in many other states.

So call them and your insurance company!! I know how you feel...how can doctors not care, when they take oath to help us? I am feeling same way.....i even said this to my Pain PA and he just got more angry with me ....sure he thinks of me as difficult patient mainly because i got mad at our last appt for him holding the fact i need those drugs over my head...which in his eyes than allows him to treat me with out respect and down right rude. When i ask does he care, flat out, no answer. He, of course, tries to put it on me.

But i have had many doctors since i been sick majority of my life and seen many, many doctors. The doctors i have got this mad at and spoke back to them in same tone they are using on me, or just put it back on them by asking explain that or explain why you said that etc....well less than 5.

Just for me, 3 of them have been since my very nice primary doctor had to retire in January/ Febuary. Since then...i had doctor who took his place only yelled at me. than this happen and he acts like so what you went in withdrawal which than made my lupus and other diseases very active so i been sick since than which was just month ago....and his attitude is it is me.

Like nurse is doing to you....also why cannot the doctor just get on the phone and give you a good reason...it take what 5 minutes of his time? i think you deserve that at least. So i hope you do complain .....you might just call first after you find the state number for your dept of manage health and say you are considering calling them if they cancel your appt.....they just might like in my case let you keep it and though i doubt he will do your surgery...two things..he can tell you why not and give you some names of excellent doctors who might take on your case. Plus, you can say how it made you feel to his face.

I am so sorry and get how disappointed you are.....try this and i hope it works..i wish you the best.

7

I, too, am really sorry to hear your struggle and the horrendous way you were treated by the doctor/nurse. I also believe it might be statistics. My rheumy suddenly left the clinic and system. I was devastated - got a letter but didn't want to see anyone else. I tracked him down to the new system/clinic and saw him. He told me he could no longer tolerate the corporatization of medicine and that he had to go where he could put his patients first. So, I was lucky. Please follow the advice that the folks here are giving - sounds like they know what they are talking about! If, by chance, you live in MN, I have a wonderful rheumy that would NOT turn you away!!

8

Aunt Pearl you are full of spunk. I admire you not letting this stop you, and think you are right, if a doctor feels a risk is too high, they will refuse to even do a consult. (took 10 years to get my spinal surgery. Same doc that originally said no way no how.) Not sure where you are, but yes, quite legal and ethically accepted to not take on a patient in the US.

So, you now have two choices.

find a great elite surgeon who is up to a challenge of taking on a patient who is willing to work hard and make a success of what help is given, or

accept things as they are, and learn what to do to stay as healthy as you can from the confines of the chair and what can be used as helps, like home modification, can you get benefits for a van with a chair lift, etc. In some places there are grants or charities that will help.

You never know what advances can crop up at any time. Look into clinical trials maybe? Also, check and make sure there are no recalls or pending lawsuits for the knee replacements - you didn't mention if yours are donor joints or titanium.

It is fine to cry, to get angry and frustrated, and feel very disappointed. Just remember what you said " I am going to keep on trying no matter what or who tries to get me down."

hugs to you

9

If you have insurance and the option to keep looking into new doctors, don't give up! I currently don't have that option and am stuck with a rheumatologist I never want to return to again. So frustrating!! Doctors aren't always good people, nor do they always have a wealth of common sense, but there are diamonds in the rough.

10

Thanks so much for your reply. I agree there is a surgeon out there for me. Hopefully it will be soon so I can get rid of some of this pain. I think it is hard to find someone who trusts you know your body. Think how much we could accomplish if they would just listen.

Take care,

whathappensinvegas said:

I am so very sorry that you are going through this. I do hope that you read the post by JC regarding docs and their fear of patients that they are unable help. If you are not seeing a pain management doctor, ask for a referral. The reason I say this is that they know the best surgeons in their fields and perhaps could refer you to someone with whom he works.

It could be very likely that he is, in fact worried about his stats.

Don't give up, you will find the right one for you. I have never met a Neurosurgeon who wasn't a jerk and few Orthopedic surgeons who weren't. Many do have a "God" complex that can mean disappointing results to the patient. I went through something similar about 10 years ago, and it took the referral from my pain doc to get me to the right surgeon. The Neurosurgeon was adamant that because the surgery didn't take, it was somehow my fault. He absolutely refused to admit that he was the one that screwed up.

Turned out I was right. Just remember, it's not your fault and you will find someone that can help. And that is going to be the one that ultimately helps you so it may be the best in the long run.

Gentle hugs,

DeAnne

11

Thanks so much for the advice. I never even thought to turn to the insurance company. I am so glad you won on your complaint. If we can't make it better for ourselves at least we are helping the patients who are following in our footsteps.

Take care,

Jend719 said:

Maybe you could also send a complaint to your insurance company. I had to do that once because a doctor I was seeing was soo rude and nasty. She gave me a migraine med that I had a reaction to. When I called her (after hours) she insisted that I was just drunk because it made me slur my words. When I saw her in the office the next day she continued on with that and basically called my a liar and a hypochondriac. I filed a complaint against her and I won. I wouldn't hesitate to do the same. They need these insurance companies because they are their bread and butter. Just keep advocating for yourself.
12

Thank you for your comment. The doctor did accept me as a patient because I got a letter from his office welcoming me. I totally believe he was his right to take me on or not but why let a patient think they might have light at the end of the tunnel and wait five weeks for an appointment and then call at the last minute to kick you to the curb. Five weeks of terrible pain when I could have been on the search for another doctor. This doctor is considered the best and is associated with a teaching hospital. My past surgeons gave up on me...I didn't give up on them. Surgeons are not used to a lupus patient's returning surgery after surgery with complications. I would love to have a game plan but that has to include a surgeon that is going to work with you and offer assistance.

poobie said:

In the US a doctor does NOT have to accept a patient. If you are already a patient of his and then he refuses to see you that is abandonment. Unfortunately you may have such complex problems that further surgery is not going to be effective. You need to develop a game plan with both your primary physician and your past surgeon as to what steps can be taken next- pain management is one and perhaps you need to go to a teaching hospital for a more definitive orthopedic opinion. Hoping for better news for you in the future

13

Your thoughts are exactly how I felt. My hopes were so high that it was like someone slammed a door in my face. Everyone I spoke to told me I should go to this group of surgeons because they worked with such complex cases that they were sure I could be helped. I know that I am not going to be up dancing again but I just want someone to repair the damage to my quad tendons and ligaments so that will take away some pain. I have taken the next steps and in the last few days I have gotten a used motorized wheelchair and we bought a van so that I can be a bit more independent. I am not going to give up looking for the right doctor but at least I will not have to be such a burden to others. Why I have even cooked dinner the last few nights!! I hadn't been in my kitchen for months.

Thanks for the gigantic electronic hug and I am sending one right back at you. You always make me feel better.

Ann A. said:

Dear Aunt Pearl,

I am so sorry that your previous knee surgeries have failed. And I am so sorry that the specialist made you wait so long and allowed your to develop high hopes before telling you that he could not help you. Dang, you could have already been figuring out how to get in the therapy pool! I wish you the best of luck in getting stronger and being more mobile.

Sending you a gigantic electronic hug.

Ann A.

14

Thank you so much for your response. Lupus is just horrible and most of all it makes you so vulnerable. I look to these doctors for guidance and compassion. Their words can cut like a knife. It is easy to feel like you have lost your dignity when someone is scolding you or making light of your pain level. Thanks for all the information. I so appreciate it. I am so glad you had your sister to help you.

Take good care,


siskiyousis said:

first try not healing arts but Dept of Manage Health Care in your state...it is state dept that makes complaints against doctors for this exact reason and others...if you been treated unfairly etc.

Also call your insurance and make complaint with them. If he is under contract with them than he has obligation to see you....they tell you your rights.

I recently went through something similar in that my new primary ( who had agreed to write my pain medication since he has his practice in my small town) refused to do it and pain doctor who is over hour away would not since i had not signed their agreement.

So after being on fentanyl patches at fairly high dose for over 7 years, i went into withdrawal. NOT A Pleasant Experience at all!!! it was so bad that now i am trying to find a doctor or place to help me wean off them.....guess what pain mgmt doctors do not help you get off.

I asked my PA about it and he half heartedly said he give me few drugs to help....well after reading information about going off pain meds you should be under doctor's care or hospitalized since you can die since you body goes through so much trauma.

My older sister has been VP for large Insurance Company and hospital administrator, i finally called her before I went into withdrawal since i could not believe that my doctors did not have some responsibility to keep me safe and not get sick....so she told me about DMHC..here in Ca but told me all states have it...as she had to work in many other states.

So call them and your insurance company!! I know how you feel...how can doctors not care, when they take oath to help us? I am feeling same way.....i even said this to my Pain PA and he just got more angry with me ....sure he thinks of me as difficult patient mainly because i got mad at our last appt for him holding the fact i need those drugs over my head...which in his eyes than allows him to treat me with out respect and down right rude. When i ask does he care, flat out, no answer. He, of course, tries to put it on me.

But i have had many doctors since i been sick majority of my life and seen many, many doctors. The doctors i have got this mad at and spoke back to them in same tone they are using on me, or just put it back on them by asking explain that or explain why you said that etc....well less than 5.

Just for me, 3 of them have been since my very nice primary doctor had to retire in January/ Febuary. Since then...i had doctor who took his place only yelled at me. than this happen and he acts like so what you went in withdrawal which than made my lupus and other diseases very active so i been sick since than which was just month ago....and his attitude is it is me.

Like nurse is doing to you....also why cannot the doctor just get on the phone and give you a good reason...it take what 5 minutes of his time? i think you deserve that at least. So i hope you do complain .....you might just call first after you find the state number for your dept of manage health and say you are considering calling them if they cancel your appt.....they just might like in my case let you keep it and though i doubt he will do your surgery...two things..he can tell you why not and give you some names of excellent doctors who might take on your case. Plus, you can say how it made you feel to his face.

I am so sorry and get how disappointed you are.....try this and i hope it works..i wish you the best.

15

Thank you so much. I am so glad you were able to track down your doctor. He sounds like a good one. I love my rheumy also. She has been through thick and thin with me. I love it because she listens so well and if I want to try something that is working for another lupus patient she is more than happy to work with me.

Yes I am definitely going to follow the info that has been given to me. That is why I love being part of this group.

Take good care,

susanjs said:

I, too, am really sorry to hear your struggle and the horrendous way you were treated by the doctor/nurse. I also believe it might be statistics. My rheumy suddenly left the clinic and system. I was devastated - got a letter but didn't want to see anyone else. I tracked him down to the new system/clinic and saw him. He told me he could no longer tolerate the corporatization of medicine and that he had to go where he could put his patients first. So, I was lucky. Please follow the advice that the folks here are giving - sounds like they know what they are talking about! If, by chance, you live in MN, I have a wonderful rheumy that would NOT turn you away!!

16

Thanks for the hugs. Oh I have to have a moment of crying but like my mother used to say "I am not crying because I am sad...I am crying because I am mad." That just fuels my fire within to not give up even more. I have no problem with the doctor being able to pick and choose his patients but just don't leave someone hanging for five weeks with a letter of acceptance from his office and call and say "Changed my mind and no I cannot even give you five minutes of my time." It can really take the wind out of you.

Take care,

ohsoperplexed said:

Aunt Pearl you are full of spunk. I admire you not letting this stop you, and think you are right, if a doctor feels a risk is too high, they will refuse to even do a consult. (took 10 years to get my spinal surgery. Same doc that originally said no way no how.) Not sure where you are, but yes, quite legal and ethically accepted to not take on a patient in the US.

So, you now have two choices.

find a great elite surgeon who is up to a challenge of taking on a patient who is willing to work hard and make a success of what help is given, or

accept things as they are, and learn what to do to stay as healthy as you can from the confines of the chair and what can be used as helps, like home modification, can you get benefits for a van with a chair lift, etc. In some places there are grants or charities that will help.

You never know what advances can crop up at any time. Look into clinical trials maybe? Also, check and make sure there are no recalls or pending lawsuits for the knee replacements - you didn't mention if yours are donor joints or titanium.

It is fine to cry, to get angry and frustrated, and feel very disappointed. Just remember what you said " I am going to keep on trying no matter what or who tries to get me down."

hugs to you

17

I agree that this forum is absolutely what we all need. The sincere concern and compassion here is unbelievable. Sometimes we just need to put it out there so we don't lose our minds. I am sorry your doctor gave you a rough time. I wonder if they would work on tips if they would be nicer.lol

Hang in there and sending you hugs,

i am so sorry you have to go thru this like you havent been thru enuf already, good luck to you and just know we are here, it makes me feel so much better knowing this forum is here and that i can spill my guts. i have not had a doctor yet that will help me get to the bottom of my sickness i have been doing this since the late 90's - had a bad experience with rheumy on tuesday sometimes i just want to give up-thx for listening to me

18

One of the best hospitals in the US is the Hospital for Special Surgery- their specialty IS the various autoimmune diseases with all their complications Might be worth checking out- they get the hardest of hard cases

19

Thank you so much for the suggestion. I always welcome any advise. That is how we can all help each other.

Take care.

poobie said:

One of the best hospitals in the US is the Hospital for Special Surgery- their specialty IS the various autoimmune diseases with all their complications Might be worth checking out- they get the hardest of hard cases

20

Another great hospital is UC Irvine. They specialize in lupus and other autoimmune diseases. The reason being the fact that many of the sufferers are non-Caucasian which makes them a referral hospital for other hospitals around the country.