help, any suggestions flaring, probably from stress mother-in-law is staying with us for a while and she is opinionated and of course why am I not moving around doing stuff must be lazy. she speaks Spanish and claims she is tired all the time. the only health problems are high blood pressure, high cholesterol and some anxiety but she was raking outside in the middle of the afternoon. Wish I could or have the energy. I am a patient person need help dealing with her.
Avoid deal with mother-in-law alone, always working with husbend first. Get agreement, then handle together.
This is a tough one because the best thing to do is avoid poison people like her. Hope she’s not staying long. In the meantime , somehow you have to take the meds you need to alleviate the pain and somehow steel yourself from her words. She doesn’t understand Lupus and doesn’t really want to. You know you’re not lazy, you’ve got Lupus so you need to give yourself a break. Hopefully the rest of your family is more supportive. It wouldn’t hurt to have your husband address her negativity.
Any chance of educating her about Lupus?
My dad is the same, very opinionated. I must be lazy, brought this on myself. I have excepted the fact that I can’t change him but I can change the way I react. I breath, quiet my mind, pray and assure myself that I am fine and that this visit will end soon. I also bite my tongue…I don’t respond to his criticism…and he stops. Dealing with him has been hard…but he also feels guilty. He feels he should be the ‘sick’ one. Good luck…
My father is an immigrant…they have a different way at looking at things…
Stay safe, relax…the visit will end.
Just put her on your computer and let her read up on lupus and also some of the discussions sent in by fellow Lupies, then perhaps with some luck she might have a bit more understanding and life between you both be less stressful.
I think we all get flare-ups when we are under stress, sometimes I don’t realize I am stressed but as soon as I feel the slightest bit of itching I try to take a deep breath and relax if I can.
go do something that you know will relax you and dont think about what anybody says .most dont understand what we are going through. you know that your not anything she says you are .get your husband to deal with her while you de sfress
Your health and quality of life are at risk right now. You must find an outside activity for yourself to be away from toxic people. Can you go to the local library or the YMCA? Perhaps your spouse could suggest these activities for your mother in law during her stay so you have time without her.
When things get rough and I can't escape the group I lock myself in the bathroom and turn on the hot shower water and breathe deeply until the water turns cold
If your spouse doesn’t defend you when his mother calls you “lazy,” You need to have a talk with him… You are sick, and as such, need understanding. If that fails, and your mother in law continues her poor treatment of you, you will need to stay away from her. As someone else suggested, become involved in something that will get you out of the house while she is there. If you are too sick for that, “hole up” in your bedroom, with the door locked until she leaves (I’ve tried this one myself a few times).
Hello! , boy in laws can be to much , especially in a Flare /stress moment n they are the stress part! Face the fact she is with u for a moment, hopefully it will not be LONG-LOL , But let her know, it is not good for ur Health for the stress that she is trying to display . U have to speak up for Urself, that’s because some people really think that Lupus is nothing serious . Yes , we all have our days , moments , etc , but still , respect will go along way when we/you explain the Do’s and the Don’ts about Lupus life style. Am praying that she gets it …Beverly L.
That is a web site in spanish that may help. You may want to print it or show it to her or for tour spouse to read to her. I hope it helps!!! I know how hard it is. Many of my family members just do not understand. I try to forgive them and try my best to explain what im going through without complaining too much. Sometimes they do care but just feel helpless and get frustrated not being able to.make it better.
The above is a quick infographic. I hope you feel better soon!
thanks for the suggestions, easier said than done mother in law doesn't drive around here and my husband babies her. working on how to deal with this stuff. She is on disability for Anxiety therefore from what I can see my husband claims she cant do this and cant do that. other problem is that at night if I try to leave by myself he gets annoyed and during the day unfortunately there are phone calls and stuff that needs to be done for her because she claims she does not or cant make phone calls. She is also constantly up my butt during the day and she doesn't like to socialize with other people
When is the last time she was at the doctor maybe she needs her meds changed.
It's obvious your husband doesn't understand how stress can make your lupus worse and by having your mother in law living with you is adding stress to your life. She is too self centered and demanding of your time when you are needing rest and quite.Does your husband have any other siblings that she can live with?
All three of you should go see your Doctor together so he can explain to both of them about lupus and that she has to do more for herself and give you more time to yourself to look after yourself. Attitudes have to change for things to improve, perhaps then you can then live together in harmony. Good luck.
Sorry Ann that you are having a horrible flare. I am having a bad one too it started with too strong of an antibiotic. Then my husband had pneumonia and my first granchild was born...his mother acts like we are contaminated! I have not even held him yet!! I am hoping to change that tomorrow. But your situation is much more stressful than mine and your fall didn't help. I do hope you get better soon!!