Depression and new bed

I know I am new here I just feel so welcomed and I am so glad I found this group! I am battling a bout (well long struggle) with depression. Some days I can get going but my body doesn’t cooperrate so I slowly slide back into the rut of well guess me and the couch are best buds. In two years since moving to " take it easy " I packed on 70 pounds and can’t seem to get motivated or out of pain to get back and moving . I have a lot of issues sleeping at night and maybe get 4 hours max sleep a night. I just payed for a Phenom bed ( really sqiushy and plush like tempura pedic bed) and it will be delivered Friday . That might help but my elpilepsy sometimes cause me to either sleep a long time or not at all:-( on top of that the state I live in has icky weather and it hurts worse than were I came from :-)… depression anyone?

moonlight butterfly, i feel your pain. Depression is a snarly beast difficult to tame, difficult to live with. I will be here if you ever want to talk about it---and i know that when you need to talk is also the time when it is hardest to reach out. but try. please try.

sincerely. janice

aka moonshadow

Welcome! yea this is great site! the other one..you don't look sick...is a good one to make you laugh since every lupus patient must have been told that! Do you also have fibro because of the pain you mention and sleep issues. I have it and know it is why i hurt so much at night and cannot sleep well either. I am like you about 4 hours..which sucks!

You must also live in snow country!! I do to and it is horrible!! i hope you do not have to shovel it...that you have someone to help with that...i had to do it all by myself and i get in so much pain and cry out there. After few days of having to remove i end up so sick i could not get out of bed. My neighbors would come and dig me out...thank God for nice neighbors!! You are right it makes you hurt more and is depressing due to all the work /pain it creates.

One thing...i also gained weight when my marriage broke up and partially due to meds they put me on. It is very hard to get it off...only way i think is with support. I also am going suggest if you do not mind, to get out every day and walk. If you have dog ...just take it for as much as you can do than slowly work up to half hour at least. I walk about hour most days...bad days 20 min. But i get out in nature and that helps with depression...i feel better about myself for taking my dogs out because they love it and they will give you joy to watch them have fun! Plus they are much calmer, happier critters!! Nature helps relax you...calms people, enables them to sort out themselves..so try to walk some where in nature...pretty park, garden even. It really has helped me and most important, it keeps my joints from freezing up ....you will hurt once you are done..especially if you have fibro or RA..but it is different kind of pain..better since you had fun getting it. Hard to explain but if you try or you do....you will know what i mean!

Well again welcome...i hope you do not get much snow or too cold where you live and your new bed is wonderfully soft!!

What u are going thru is a life altering problem which therefore led you to this spot u are in right now, that is Why u feel the way you do, it is not a weakness within YOU, it is the way Lupus has affected you, like it makes your body swell, just ANOTHER ANNOYING EFFECT!......Keep talking about it, that is a PLUS! You need to let others know how u r feeling, it will HELP u to get it out! So do not stop remebering that is WHAT WE ARE ALL HERE FOR, look @ it a a REAL Blessing In Disguise! Just remember u ARE stronger than u r giving urself credit for, u are @ a place in ur life where there are many dark days & nights, buT you WILL be OK, just never EVER forget that! We r here for u always!!! lET UR DOCTOR KNOW, THERE AERE MANY DIFF. THINGS HE/SHE MAY BE ABLE TO HELP U WITH!!! BUT KEEP TALKING!!! WE R LISTENING! I hope that new bed HELPS U have More restful nights....Keep me posted.... {{{HUGS}}}}} Suzie :0) Xo

GR8 ADVICE SIS! VERY SINCERE & WITH LOTS OF TRUE COMPASSION!!! :0) AND ALSO SO VERY TRUE!! SUZIE

siskiyousis said:

Moonlight, if you have severe depression than there is no way you can just shelf it and do not feel bad that you cannot make yourself feel better. The new drugs..of might be one of the old ones should take the worse of it off and keep you from sinking to those very low depths.

I do not know if you have severe or mild or moderate depression. But i can tell you from my own experience that severe depression is what I call hell here on earth. Like i said pills may help...first you need to find a great doc that understands depression and whom will work with you instead of doping you into zombie. Yes, it might feel better than you do now...numbed out where Tv is about only thing you can do. But that is no life...but i understand completely if you need to go through that kind of depression to grieve all what you loss once you got sick or for what ever reason it is.

First, find out what kind of depression you have if you do not know...and read up a bit on internet....i will gladly tell you more how i felt with deep...and now with mild/moderate depression. no i do not take antidepressant drugs. They do not help me. I do not like brain freeze if you forget them nor how long it takes to wean off them. But they do help my husband who has had bad depression for as long as he can remember. He said he is positive kids have it because he did. That is how I know they work plus from support groups i have attended in person.

Psychiatrist is type of Doc who should evaluate you...and not no 10/20 minutes of speaking to you...they need to get complete history. I also strongly believe in going to psychologist to find out as well...if that is more comfortable for you. I tend to find they are more hesitant to rush in with pills...will try talk therapy ..and other kinds but make sure you feel comfortable and trust whom every you see. Even a really good counselor can figure out what kind but they cannot prescribe...but they can let you know what other patients have like... usually know about great support groups and have great tools to help you survive through it.

I just wanted you to know that if you cannot get up right now ....or you are feeling incredibly sad, angry or even suicidal that it is normal for depression...but you must get professional help for it. If you do one thing for yourself it is find out what kind of depression you have so you can begin to heal it. Yes, if it is severe it might always be with you all your life...off and on....but even now there are drugs, plus many other ways to improve it. My husband has very good days now...and so do other friends with it...so you do not have to be locked into feelings that feel like you are locked into your own version of hell here on Eath.

Please feel free to write me....i know how hard it is to just live. Remember, be gentle on yourself....plenty of baths, with great books, candles that smell great than climb in that new bed and sleep so softly and deeply.

Hi Moonlight butterfly, i am so pleased you have come here on LWL, there are so many of us feeling the same way. Dont be too hard on yourself, its not easy coping with Lupus and its symptoms, especially like you have said your body doesnt want to cooperate. I have many days where my body just refuses to do what i want it to, and the pain is really so bad that i do exactly what you do and go and lay back down. We have to listen to our bodies though, especially when we are feeling really bad. What you have is called Reactive Depression, the Lupus is something which is what you are reacting too, and many people with chronic illnesses have Reactive Depression. I am not surprised you are depressed if you are not getting enough sleep, i often feel like you are. I am often talking to myself to help me cope with the day. We have to treat ourselves with kindness when we are feeling like this. I also have epilepsy, and its not easy. We have alot to cope with, so its not surprising that our moods go downhill at times. Look forward to when you are getting the bed, and do something nice for yourself, and stop feeling bad about something thats out of your control. If you met someone else who was feeling so ill, would you blame them for feeling down and wanting to rest on the couch. I am sure when you do get a good day, you will make more of an effort but for now, let yourself rest. Your body is so obviously telling you to. Dont think of doing big amounts, take things really slow, and do tiny amounts, achievable things. I used to be annoyed with myself that i couldnt keep up with this or that, but now i praise myself and think well at least i have done that little bit, i will do some more tomorrow if i feel up to it, if not i will rest more until i am ready. Get a lovely bowl of warm water with some bubbles and soak your feet or something if you feel up to it, or get someone else to get the things for you, thats even better. If you like reading, read a book and dont feel guilty about it. We all need time out from time to time where we can have some time to rest and recouperate. I know it can turn into a pattern of laying down, but by the sounds of what you have said, it sounds as though you really need it. We have to be kind to ourselves, and find things we can do and enjoy, and pace ourselves too or otherwise we only end up feeling more ill. When i used to think i was having a good day, i would tend to overdo it, and then i would be laid up for a few more days, so now i think wait, and pace myself and sit down after each task, even if its only for 5 minutes or until you are ready. There is no law to say we must do whatever at what time. Be good to yourself. I often feel low and depressed too, but having good friends and being good to ourselves often helps i find. Dont worry about the weight for now, you cant help the fact you have put on weight at the moment, if you are anything like me, its alot to do with the meds you are on, and the fact we are lot less active than when we were well, its little steps from now on. Trying to eat healthy helps abit, but do small walks when you can. If you can get someone to take you swimming, as that isnt weight bearing and will help. You dont have to do everything all at once. It took a while to get the weight on, so its going to take time to come off. I do understand it gets you down, i am a fair bit overweight too, and it gets me down as well, but if we try to rush weight loss, we either fail or go overboard and then it all just goes back on when we go back to eating normally. Have you asked your doctor about a dietician. For now though if i were you, i would just take one day at a time until you are feeling abit stronger. I think you and i may of chatted before, about the sleep thing i do know how you feel with that as well, as i am up and down during the night, i sleep for about an hour then wake and then perhaps another hour, broken sleep isnt helping either of us. Anyway i wont waffle on anymore, i wish i could wave a magic wand and make you feel better but sadly i cant, i am only trying to help, as i have some coping strategies now for myself. If you ever want to talk feel free to message me anytime. You can and will get through this, i know its not easy. Everyone on LWL feels the same for sure. Anyway i am thinking of you, take care, look after yourself, bye for now, love and hugs Astrid40xoxo

JeniOm this is a wonderful post and sound advice coming from someone who really seems to know---good advice from a tender heart. big hugs to you and everyone else who responded.
..
JeniOM said:

Hi Moonlight, I'm new here too. I wanted to reply to you about the depression, pain, and all of that. Depression has been an on-and-off companion of mine for almost the past 40 years. I used to fight it when it came on and try to pretend to myself and others that it wasn't happening. I would get more depressed thinking about the fact that I was depressed and, of course, that only made me feel worse. As I've gotten older and when depression comes on, I simply acknowledge it for what it is and I don't fight it mentally. I say to the depressive feelings, "ah, here you are, you've come to visit again... so I'll let you have your way until you're finished this time." Essentially, I just ride it out knowing that it WILL end at some point.

Now, I think siskiyousis gave a wonderful piece of advice about going for walks. Taking a walk, especially when you're depressed or hurting from lupus is one of the best things you can do for yourself. It changes your brain chemistry and allows the depression to lift some and it keeps your body from getting too stiff. I absolutely DO know that on some days a 5 minute walk is all that can be accomplished but the key is to do those 5 minutes anyway each and every day. Setting a habit takes time and soon your mind and body will crave those walks. I too live in an area with weather that is VERY unpredictable so I can't always get outside (although being outside is ideal). You can do your walks right in your own home. Keep as much of a brisk pace as you can and just walk from room to room, back and forth... doesn't matter how small or large your living space is. It sounds boring but you'd be surprised at what you begin to notice as you walk through your familiar rooms; and surprised at where your thoughts go as you walk.

Anyway, that's the best advice I can give: don't fight the depression, don't blame yourself for having it, and take a daily walk no matter where you do it or for how long you do it. Best of luck to you! Keep posting and venting whenever you need to, okay?

P.S. The walks will also help you sleep better!

very wonderful support


astrid40 said:

Hi Moonlight butterfly, i am so pleased you have come here on LWL, there are so many of us feeling the same way. Dont be too hard on yourself, its not easy coping with Lupus and its symptoms, especially like you have said your body doesnt want to cooperate. I have many days where my body just refuses to do what i want it to, and the pain is really so bad that i do exactly what you do and go and lay back down. We have to listen to our bodies though, especially when we are feeling really bad. What you have is called Reactive Depression, the Lupus is something which is what you are reacting too, and many people with chronic illnesses have Reactive Depression. I am not surprised you are depressed if you are not getting enough sleep, i often feel like you are. I am often talking to myself to help me cope with the day. We have to treat ourselves with kindness when we are feeling like this. I also have epilepsy, and its not easy. We have alot to cope with, so its not surprising that our moods go downhill at times. Look forward to when you are getting the bed, and do something nice for yourself, and stop feeling bad about something thats out of your control. If you met someone else who was feeling so ill, would you blame them for feeling down and wanting to rest on the couch. I am sure when you do get a good day, you will make more of an effort but for now, let yourself rest. Your body is so obviously telling you to. Dont think of doing big amounts, take things really slow, and do tiny amounts, achievable things. I used to be annoyed with myself that i couldnt keep up with this or that, but now i praise myself and think well at least i have done that little bit, i will do some more tomorrow if i feel up to it, if not i will rest more until i am ready. Get a lovely bowl of warm water with some bubbles and soak your feet or something if you feel up to it, or get someone else to get the things for you, thats even better. If you like reading, read a book and dont feel guilty about it. We all need time out from time to time where we can have some time to rest and recouperate. I know it can turn into a pattern of laying down, but by the sounds of what you have said, it sounds as though you really need it. We have to be kind to ourselves, and find things we can do and enjoy, and pace ourselves too or otherwise we only end up feeling more ill. When i used to think i was having a good day, i would tend to overdo it, and then i would be laid up for a few more days, so now i think wait, and pace myself and sit down after each task, even if its only for 5 minutes or until you are ready. There is no law to say we must do whatever at what time. Be good to yourself. I often feel low and depressed too, but having good friends and being good to ourselves often helps i find. Dont worry about the weight for now, you cant help the fact you have put on weight at the moment, if you are anything like me, its alot to do with the meds you are on, and the fact we are lot less active than when we were well, its little steps from now on. Trying to eat healthy helps abit, but do small walks when you can. If you can get someone to take you swimming, as that isnt weight bearing and will help. You dont have to do everything all at once. It took a while to get the weight on, so its going to take time to come off. I do understand it gets you down, i am a fair bit overweight too, and it gets me down as well, but if we try to rush weight loss, we either fail or go overboard and then it all just goes back on when we go back to eating normally. Have you asked your doctor about a dietician. For now though if i were you, i would just take one day at a time until you are feeling abit stronger. I think you and i may of chatted before, about the sleep thing i do know how you feel with that as well, as i am up and down during the night, i sleep for about an hour then wake and then perhaps another hour, broken sleep isnt helping either of us. Anyway i wont waffle on anymore, i wish i could wave a magic wand and make you feel better but sadly i cant, i am only trying to help, as i have some coping strategies now for myself. If you ever want to talk feel free to message me anytime. You can and will get through this, i know its not easy. Everyone on LWL feels the same for sure. Anyway i am thinking of you, take care, look after yourself, bye for now, love and hugs Astrid40xoxo

words to live by suzie...you always speak
right from your heart and that'as why you make all of us feel so much better.

Suzie D. said:

GR8 ADVICE SIS! VERY SINCERE & WITH LOTS OF TRUE COMPASSION!!! :0) AND ALSO SO VERY TRUE!! SUZIE

siskiyousis said:

Moonlight, if you have severe depression than there is no way you can just shelf it and do not feel bad that you cannot make yourself feel better. The new drugs..of might be one of the old ones should take the worse of it off and keep you from sinking to those very low depths.

I do not know if you have severe or mild or moderate depression. But i can tell you from my own experience that severe depression is what I call hell here on earth. Like i said pills may help...first you need to find a great doc that understands depression and whom will work with you instead of doping you into zombie. Yes, it might feel better than you do now...numbed out where Tv is about only thing you can do. But that is no life...but i understand completely if you need to go through that kind of depression to grieve all what you loss once you got sick or for what ever reason it is.

First, find out what kind of depression you have if you do not know...and read up a bit on internet....i will gladly tell you more how i felt with deep...and now with mild/moderate depression. no i do not take antidepressant drugs. They do not help me. I do not like brain freeze if you forget them nor how long it takes to wean off them. But they do help my husband who has had bad depression for as long as he can remember. He said he is positive kids have it because he did. That is how I know they work plus from support groups i have attended in person.

Psychiatrist is type of Doc who should evaluate you...and not no 10/20 minutes of speaking to you...they need to get complete history. I also strongly believe in going to psychologist to find out as well...if that is more comfortable for you. I tend to find they are more hesitant to rush in with pills...will try talk therapy ..and other kinds but make sure you feel comfortable and trust whom every you see. Even a really good counselor can figure out what kind but they cannot prescribe...but they can let you know what other patients have like... usually know about great support groups and have great tools to help you survive through it.

I just wanted you to know that if you cannot get up right now ....or you are feeling incredibly sad, angry or even suicidal that it is normal for depression...but you must get professional help for it. If you do one thing for yourself it is find out what kind of depression you have so you can begin to heal it. Yes, if it is severe it might always be with you all your life...off and on....but even now there are drugs, plus many other ways to improve it. My husband has very good days now...and so do other friends with it...so you do not have to be locked into feelings that feel like you are locked into your own version of hell here on Eath.

Please feel free to write me....i know how hard it is to just live. Remember, be gentle on yourself....plenty of baths, with great books, candles that smell great than climb in that new bed and sleep so softly and deeply.

you have such great energy! So bright and full of life. Real life come with heaping portions of humor and the point you make about needing to laugh is soooooo true Thank you so much for sharing with us


siskiyousis said:

Welcome! yea this is great site! the other one..you don't look sick...is a good one to make you laugh since every lupus patient must have been told that! Do you also have fibro because of the pain you mention and sleep issues. I have it and know it is why i hurt so much at night and cannot sleep well either. I am like you about 4 hours..which sucks!

You must also live in snow country!! I do to and it is horrible!! i hope you do not have to shovel it...that you have someone to help with that...i had to do it all by myself and i get in so much pain and cry out there. After few days of having to remove i end up so sick i could not get out of bed. My neighbors would come and dig me out...thank God for nice neighbors!! You are right it makes you hurt more and is depressing due to all the work /pain it creates.

One thing...i also gained weight when my marriage broke up and partially due to meds they put me on. It is very hard to get it off...only way i think is with support. I also am going suggest if you do not mind, to get out every day and walk. If you have dog ...just take it for as much as you can do than slowly work up to half hour at least. I walk about hour most days...bad days 20 min. But i get out in nature and that helps with depression...i feel better about myself for taking my dogs out because they love it and they will give you joy to watch them have fun! Plus they are much calmer, happier critters!! Nature helps relax you...calms people, enables them to sort out themselves..so try to walk some where in nature...pretty park, garden even. It really has helped me and most important, it keeps my joints from freezing up ....you will hurt once you are done..especially if you have fibro or RA..but it is different kind of pain..better since you had fun getting it. Hard to explain but if you try or you do....you will know what i mean!

Well again welcome...i hope you do not get much snow or too cold where you live and your new bed is wonderfully soft!!

Hi there again Moonlight butterfly, i was just reading siskiyousis's post about nature and getting out for a walk, its true nature is so beautiful. And like she said if you do have a dog its great for them and great for you to get out. Sometimes there are alot of times when i just cant get out and about due to how bad i am feeling with the Lupus, as i have major organ involvemt, epilepsy, fibromyalgia, Sjorgrens Sydrome and much much more, too numerous to mention. But i do try, sometimes i push myself when i shouldnt, thats why i have started to be abit kinder to myself and listening to what my body is telling me on that day. I dont know if you have a garden at all, i dont have a big garden, but what i have i do try and make the most of it. I have a bird table, and bird feeding station with water bowls and a bird bath, and i try and get out there and feed the birds every day, if not i put them fresh water out, i have got into a routine of doing this now. And sometimes i will stand there and watch some of the things that are going on around me, like on a frosty morning, to see the patterns left by the spiders webs, some are works of art, like major suspension bridges, it makes you wonder how something so small could make something as beautiful and clever as that. And when the dew drops hang off the webs, it looks interesting and sometimes quite pretty, i also have a ladybird tower house, and a butterfly feeder which works by putting sugar water onto it, watching all the wonderful different butterflies coming into the garden too, can be so uplifting. Watching the birds making their nests in spring as well, is truely amazing and such a honour for me to be able to witness. I hadnt had any luck for two years after putting the bird boxes up, the low and behold last year all the birds were making nests, and we could watch them going back and forth to the nests with the food for the young chicks, and see the little chicks mouths rising up in the box with hunger, it was truely amazing. As one of the boxes was high just above our door and to the right, we had to be really quite when we came out. We placed it there as it was out of the wind and rain, and they obviously thought it was a good area for them to be. I could of easily spend half an hour in the mornings watching what they are up to. Its just an idea, if you dont have a bird table to feed the birds and just watch the amount of speices increase with time. We must have around twenty different types of birds now that come on different occasions to get something to eat and drink. Also at different times of the year, the RSPB, The Royal Society for the Protection of Birds, ask people to keep an eye out and keep a record of which birds theys see in their garden, as they want to know roughly how many of which speices are still surviving, that can be something you can do thats not too much too. Its just an idea, i am sure you have plenty of your own though, take care, bye for now, love and hugs Astrid40xoxo


I THANK U for saying that my dear friend!! Xo :0) {{{HUGS}}} Suzie

words to live by suzie...you always speak
right from your heart and that'as why you make all of us feel so much better.

Suzie D. said:

GR8 ADVICE SIS! VERY SINCERE & WITH LOTS OF TRUE COMPASSION!!! :0) AND ALSO SO VERY TRUE!! SUZIE

siskiyousis said:

Moonlight, if you have severe depression than there is no way you can just shelf it and do not feel bad that you cannot make yourself feel better. The new drugs..of might be one of the old ones should take the worse of it off and keep you from sinking to those very low depths.

I do not know if you have severe or mild or moderate depression. But i can tell you from my own experience that severe depression is what I call hell here on earth. Like i said pills may help...first you need to find a great doc that understands depression and whom will work with you instead of doping you into zombie. Yes, it might feel better than you do now...numbed out where Tv is about only thing you can do. But that is no life...but i understand completely if you need to go through that kind of depression to grieve all what you loss once you got sick or for what ever reason it is.

First, find out what kind of depression you have if you do not know...and read up a bit on internet....i will gladly tell you more how i felt with deep...and now with mild/moderate depression. no i do not take antidepressant drugs. They do not help me. I do not like brain freeze if you forget them nor how long it takes to wean off them. But they do help my husband who has had bad depression for as long as he can remember. He said he is positive kids have it because he did. That is how I know they work plus from support groups i have attended in person.

Psychiatrist is type of Doc who should evaluate you...and not no 10/20 minutes of speaking to you...they need to get complete history. I also strongly believe in going to psychologist to find out as well...if that is more comfortable for you. I tend to find they are more hesitant to rush in with pills...will try talk therapy ..and other kinds but make sure you feel comfortable and trust whom every you see. Even a really good counselor can figure out what kind but they cannot prescribe...but they can let you know what other patients have like... usually know about great support groups and have great tools to help you survive through it.

I just wanted you to know that if you cannot get up right now ....or you are feeling incredibly sad, angry or even suicidal that it is normal for depression...but you must get professional help for it. If you do one thing for yourself it is find out what kind of depression you have so you can begin to heal it. Yes, if it is severe it might always be with you all your life...off and on....but even now there are drugs, plus many other ways to improve it. My husband has very good days now...and so do other friends with it...so you do not have to be locked into feelings that feel like you are locked into your own version of hell here on Eath.

Please feel free to write me....i know how hard it is to just live. Remember, be gentle on yourself....plenty of baths, with great books, candles that smell great than climb in that new bed and sleep so softly and deeply.

No thanks (lol) I have enough of my own, so I know how you feel, I have battled with depression since 08 and we have an off and on relationship. My medication helps alot, so I make sure that I take it, it also helps me to be a bit more calm and not let things get to me as much. Maybe you should talk to your doctor about your depression and see if he can give you something to help you. Many blessings and hugs xoxoxoxo

Hi there, siskiyousis, is right if you feel you need some extra help, there is no shame in that, i myself have been through severe depression where everything looks hopeless and no light at the end of the tunnel, i did take anti depressants for a while, but i decided to come off them, like siskiyousis, they do make you feel different, they helped me but i wanted the real me back again. I think also when you dont have anyone to talk to things can seem alot worse than they actually are, as when you talk to someone you tend to put things into perspective more. Myself i felt totally alone with the Lupus for a long long time. Friends who are well didnt understand what i am going through, and i dont think they really wanted to either, its all too difficult for them to even contemplate, so thats why coming to LWL really helps, you can be yourself and say what you want to without the fear you are going to upset someone, or have them not understand what you are talking about. I know my mood has been lifted and i have felt supported by others on here, it has made a real difference to have LWL in my life. I have to take 24 different types of meds a day just to keep me going, some for the Lupus, and some for associated conditions, but thats enough to get anyone down. Every day i look at them and think not that time again when i have to take them, but having people you know you can talk to, helps you get through the tough times like taking tons of tablets. I also have to do my own chemo injections every week, and i dread it, but knowing if things get unbearable, that there is someone i can talk to about it. Like siskiyousis said, it doesnt take long for a doctor or psychiatrist to evaluate how you are feeling, sometimes they just will give a questionaire for you to fill in, like multiple choice, and on a scale of one to ten how bad is this etc, is how the form works. Its not a really hard form to fill from what i remember, i havent done one now for about 8 years. And Counsellors do really help. I used to go to one years ago, i dont see her anymore, but i know if i wanted to call her i could, as i still have her number. I have said this before, look after yourself, dont blame yourself for anything, remember you are worth treating nicely, and if you can do something nice for yourself, quite often this helps. Silly little things like buying yourself your favourite magazine, or chocolate, or relaxing in a bath with candles in the room. I know you were saying about your weight before, but honestly please dont worry about that for now, that can be sorted out later on. I have put on alot of weight and get fed up about it. Last year i managed to lose 5 stone in one year, so i was really pleased about that, but now i havent lost any. I need to lose about 3 stone more, so i do understand how you feel about it. But while you are feeling down, you know within yourself really that losing weight wouldnt really be an option. If you are on steroids that will make things harder at the moment, dont put yourself under any extra pressure at the moment. Alot of us are fed up with our weight, its coming to terms with it until we can get some off. I think alot of people eat abit more when they are down anyway, i know i have done in the past. Anyway i wont go on anymore, but be kind to yourself, look after yourself, and do something nice that you like for yourself even if its just something really small. Anyway i wont go on anymore. We are all here for you, and all here for each other, so we are thinking of you, and please let me know how you get on, make that appointment for the doctors on Monday, take that first step. You can do it, we are there for you. Anyway bye for now, take care, love and massive hugs Astrid40xoxox

Suzie D. said:


I THANK U for saying that my dear friend!! Xo :0) {{{HUGS}}} Suzie

words to live by suzie...you always speak
right from your heart and that'as why you make all of us feel so much better.

Suzie D. said:

GR8 ADVICE SIS! VERY SINCERE & WITH LOTS OF TRUE COMPASSION!!! :0) AND ALSO SO VERY TRUE!! SUZIE

siskiyousis said:

Moonlight, if you have severe depression than there is no way you can just shelf it and do not feel bad that you cannot make yourself feel better. The new drugs..of might be one of the old ones should take the worse of it off and keep you from sinking to those very low depths.

I do not know if you have severe or mild or moderate depression. But i can tell you from my own experience that severe depression is what I call hell here on earth. Like i said pills may help...first you need to find a great doc that understands depression and whom will work with you instead of doping you into zombie. Yes, it might feel better than you do now...numbed out where Tv is about only thing you can do. But that is no life...but i understand completely if you need to go through that kind of depression to grieve all what you loss once you got sick or for what ever reason it is.

First, find out what kind of depression you have if you do not know...and read up a bit on internet....i will gladly tell you more how i felt with deep...and now with mild/moderate depression. no i do not take antidepressant drugs. They do not help me. I do not like brain freeze if you forget them nor how long it takes to wean off them. But they do help my husband who has had bad depression for as long as he can remember. He said he is positive kids have it because he did. That is how I know they work plus from support groups i have attended in person.

Psychiatrist is type of Doc who should evaluate you...and not no 10/20 minutes of speaking to you...they need to get complete history. I also strongly believe in going to psychologist to find out as well...if that is more comfortable for you. I tend to find they are more hesitant to rush in with pills...will try talk therapy ..and other kinds but make sure you feel comfortable and trust whom every you see. Even a really good counselor can figure out what kind but they cannot prescribe...but they can let you know what other patients have like... usually know about great support groups and have great tools to help you survive through it.

I just wanted you to know that if you cannot get up right now ....or you are feeling incredibly sad, angry or even suicidal that it is normal for depression...but you must get professional help for it. If you do one thing for yourself it is find out what kind of depression you have so you can begin to heal it. Yes, if it is severe it might always be with you all your life...off and on....but even now there are drugs, plus many other ways to improve it. My husband has very good days now...and so do other friends with it...so you do not have to be locked into feelings that feel like you are locked into your own version of hell here on Eath.

Please feel free to write me....i know how hard it is to just live. Remember, be gentle on yourself....plenty of baths, with great books, candles that smell great than climb in that new bed and sleep so softly and deeply.