I do my life n’t even know how to explain how I feel, I only know I can’t do this much longer, I am in constant pain throughout my whole body my migraines are getting worse again , my knees have been killing me this is one of the worst Periods I’ve had in a Very long time, if I didn’t have my tubes tied almost 3 years ago I would swear I was having a miscarriage again, I had one about 8 years ago, I’ve been taking pain killers that don’t help and it feels like nothing else I’m taking does either,nothing I do is good enough for my family nor immediate Family, I feel like I’ve been in the verge of divorce longer then I ever enjoyed my marriage, I’ve had a major fight with my sister, the other day, my husband almost everyday and now I think I am loosing my sight if has been getting worse by the day , all the keys on my phone are blury, and on the street signs so it’s both near and far sighted last year I had 20/20 vision with a slight astigmatism All my life till about 6 to 8 moths ago and I don’t know why, I’m tried of this fight, I’m fighting to many battles that now I don’t care about the war I work full time and I am the only financial provider in my household , I don’t like my work environment it’s is so stressful I can’t quit cause I have to have this job to take care of my 4 kids whom I love with all my heart, they are the only ones that keep me holding on anymore, and I don’t feel like I’m a good mom anymore,
I woke up with hope, thinking like I do every morning that today is going to be a good day because I’m gonna chose to make it one and I really do try but the pain consumes me and my husband hates me no matter if I’m in a good mood or not anymore.
What am I supposed to do when I’m failun b everything even when I’m nice he don’t like me just the same way as if I’m grumpy, is there no other choice then a divorce, I do love him, but I really don’t think he loves me anymore, I don’t want to be lonely anymore I’ve opened up and I told him this I even told him that if things don’t change I want a divorce or an open marriage but the truth is I could never cheat on him even if it was open and he knew, I take my vow to god that seriously and I feel the same way about the divorce so I’m stuck with someone who doesn’t Love me , I always knew I loved him more but I never thought he would stop loving me, I thought it was SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH , RICHER AND FOR POOR , I’ve stayed with him when I had my out when he cheated on me 4 years ago but I love him enough to stay and love him through that I’ve supported him financially since 2010 he hasn’t worked more then a few months added up through those years I even stayed when he was in jail for a year, for something i know he didn’t do, but my sickness made him hate me…how does a person deal with that?HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DEAL WITH THIS?
I feel a need to reach out to you and do what ever I can to help you. I totally understand what you are going thru! I have been thru almost all of it, including the cheating. That is a rough thing to deal with. Your husband needs to get a job or some kind of work. There is a lot of handyman work available out there he could do. It isn't your fault that he is treating you like that. Your husband has to contribute! Once my husband and I got things worked out thru marriage counseling, he has stuck with me and is now the breadwinner for our little family. Anyway, one thing I highly advise you to do is get started on a special diet of no grains, no Nightshades, look those up on the internet-no sugar, no dairy, no alcohol, no legumes, and try taking this product that has helped me get rid of the Lupus markers on my tests-called Carnivora. I don't work for them, or make anything off of telling people about it, but trust me, you can get better and it really helps, as long as you stay on the diet I just mentioned. Those items I said not to take are the things that cause inflammation in most people, so with Lupus you HAVE to not eat that stuff! It is killing you! And the Carnivora-look on the internet-Carnivora.com- helps get your immune system tracking right, and you will feel better, so much better, I promise!
If you are, you need to see an Ophthalmologist right away. I don’t know what plan your doctors have you on, but you need to tell them it isn’t working.
Now,stress is not a good thing for Lupus, it will put you in a flare. You are in one big stressfull house. Why isn’t your husband working? As a man, I can speak for men, we want to work and take care of our family and have issues when the woman is the main bread winner or even if she makes more than we do if we are working. I think that if he was working his attitude may change. When did he start acting like he didn’t love you. I can’t speak for you or even others, only myself. If I were a woman married to a man who cheated on me, went to jail and lives off of my income and is also a jerk to me, he would be gone gone gone! If you want to save your marriage and he agrees, you need counseling. If he doesn’t agree to this, you need to seriously think about divorce and how you can get him out or you and your children out of the house. You would have one less person to support. You are in my prayers.
I'm sorry you're going thru such a rough time, I understand completely! Remember that if you just hang in there, there will be times when its not so bad.
One thing that is so important in managing Lupus is relieving yourself of as many negative stress sources as possible. I gave up a good-paying job (high stress management) to a lower paying, part time (non-management, no stress) job with the help of my daughter. Its made a huge difference. I heard you mention that you're the ONLY breadwinner? Your husband doesn't work? He's a grown man, he needs to be working. Doesn't support you emotionally, doesn't take care of you and stresses you out? If that cant be turned around, you may be better off eliminating that source of stress. Sounds like you're pretty much going it alone already.
Maybe you have family/friends who can help with childcare? Giving yourself time alone to relax without all that pressure on you is so important, even if its just an afternoon where you could take a pretty drive, get a massage, anything you like to do that is just for you.
It sounds like you need to get to a good doctor for your lupus and meds. and an Ophthamologist for your eyes. I am sure you already know how bad stress is for us and your life sounds like it is stressed to the max. Like all of us you must see what stress related things or people you can lessen or release in your life. The way you have described your husband it sounds like he is a major stress factor in your life instead of a help to you. It seems like you have some big decisions to make concerning your marriage situation. As a married man I do shoulder the responsibility for finances and seeing to my wifes well being, this is my pleasure and also my duty before the Lord and I gladly accept it. I personally have a big problem with guy's who refuse to work and let the woman support them--nuff said on that. We will hold you up in prayer before God and we will expect to see a praise report in this forum in the near future. You are a daughter of the King and should be treated as His daughter, with respect and honor. Stay strong Lacie. God loves you.
So sorry Lacie, change is hard especially when you don't feel good. I'm afraid if you don't eliminate your main stress factor you will just continue to get sicker. Listen to everyone's advice on here especially the men!
You do seem to have a very tough time of it right now. I wish I could help you. You can only keep fighting and hope for improvement. You need to slow down in your everyday life and maybe not work so much. Exerting too much could worsen the condition. Demand that your partner go to work and help you out. He has no excuse. Hopefully better times are ahead for you.
I really feel for you they're right, all the stress you live under is horrible, I suspect there's more to the story than what we see here, sometimes we live the way we do because there are no other options, or that even as bad as it is its better than being alone and sick especially with children. I hope you take care of yourself and know that you are not alone, we are all here for you.