My husband is married (obviously) and has young children but feels the way you do a lot of the time. He thinks of death constantly. But strangely enough he has found SO much comfort in having pet rats. I know rats aren't for everyone but within minutes of my daughter getting hers he said "I want my own!". He is now the "rat daddy" of the house and his will sleep and cuddle with him, he can pet her until she sleeps on his arm and he finds SOOOO much comfort in her company. I am a born optimist and I have met lots of people lately with family members with Lupus. The biggest success I hear is quality of life improvement through proper diet but I have yet to get my husband to eat healthy to tell you first hand. Although I don't personally have Lupus, I live with it every day in one way or another. My whole life is affected by it so I can sympathize with what you are going through. If you ever need to talk, I am happy to listen. Strength to you! Hang in there, life IS worth living.
I’m so sorry that you feel this way. Sometimes it helps to know that you are not alone, you have everyone on this site who can relate to what you are going through. I am married and have two children. I also feel very alone very often and have suicidal ideation just as a selfish fantasy. It’s just a burden to feel bad all the time. I think most healthy people think of suicide every now and then. People with chronic illnesses probably think about it more. It makes sense. But the truth is that you don’t really know what the future has in store for you. You may meet somebody who you end up having a great relationship with. Maybe a friend or a significant other. I’m not going to tell you it’s easy. But I can tell you that you are not alone. I, too, feel how you feel. And it’s not something a healthy person can really truly understand, although they can sympathize. My heart goes out to you. Please try to remain hopeful, I will try as well.
Alex thanks for the encouraging words. The Doctor took me off of some of my meds for depression because I already take a lot of medicines. I'm bipolar and I'm afraid I'm going to have and episode. It's been a long time since I've had problems with Being bipolar. We had the combination of meds for me until my internal medicine doctor called my mental health doctor and had him change my meds. now I'm thinking about death and dying. But it's people like you and the other members of this site that give me the strength to press on. God will bless all of us with the healings we need.
Im so sorry you feel this way. I can relate. I’m divorced and have 3 teenage children, but to them, they don’t get it. I go to and from the doctor alone and I deal with my fears and pain alone. I’d love to be your support buddy. I’m not physically there but we can be there through this page & I can give you my number! You are loved!!!