I'm with Ann on this one. With such a toxic relationship you can walk away It takes 2 to argue so I wouldn't let her draw me into a battle If she is not interested in your health then don't share it with her. Such an adversarial relationship can only be detrimental to your health and at this point in your life you should be your own top priority.
Your not alone in dealing with your Lupus Courtney,there are an increasing number of us out here trying to learn how to manage our symptom's. It sounds like you have a working program for yourself, keep up the good work. I am sorry to say that your mom seems to not have a very helping attitude concerning your Lupus and subsequent down times and I'm sure that gives you emotional pain. I could not guess why she would treat you in this manner, but you can't let that get or keep you down emotionally. If your mom's attitude changes that would be great, but if it does not that would be sad. Either way you must take care of yourself regardless of her attitude, which it sounds like you are. We can only be responsible for how we conduct our self, we cannot control nor be responsible for how someone else conducts or in your mom's case misconducts themself. Stay strong your doing good.
Patrick
It is the same way between me and my mom/family. I am learning to just not talk about my health issues or medication at all. It just leads to arguments and sadness/stress for me. It's really hard though since it has become big part of my life but to avoid not speaking to one another because we were so close before I just have to stop myself.
Thankfully my mom is very supportive and helpful but for my brother and grandparents I’m just a lazy person and I didn’t get enough attention as a child so I got sick to get attention. I so understand where you are coming from! I’m seeing my grandparents for the first after being diagnosed this week and I’m super stressed and worried. It’s bad enough over the phone I can’t imagine what it will be like in person. I mean if I wanted attention why would I choose to be this sick!?!? I like what my one friend said when I showed her what the reynauds did to my feet. I said see its all in my head, her response was well if it’s all in your head it must be in mine too! It makes me mad when people think we just want attention and we’re a bunch of lazy people. I have also had many people try and push homeopathic and natural stuff down my throat. I even have a friend with sclarederma (sp) seeing a homeopathic doctor everyone told me to see. She’s been on a special diet and vitamins for almost 5 yrs and she’s still sick and the sclarederma is still spreading. It doesn’t always work for everyone. I hope you can figure out what to do. Stress is the worst! hugs 
My Adult daughters and Adult Son is not supportive at all. They make sarcastic remarks when I talk to them about my Lupus so I don't talk to them no more it is to stressful for me to hear the drama from them. Very few people knows I have Lupus
And I hear what your saying. I don't get in my Adult Kids business or their personal life. I will not tolerate disrespect from them no matter how old they are. Adult kids causes my stress when they make sarcastic jokes about me having Lupus it hurts but no more I let their sarcastic remarks or their disrespectfulness bother me no more. When I go and visit their home I respect their home and respect them and all I ask is the same in return.
Ann A. said:
And I am not suggesting that you be disrespectful. I am old and lack patience. But my kids are middle aged professionals. I raised them to expect respect. I am still the mother and they are still my children
But they are not children. They deserve as much respect as the other people I deal with. Just because I gave birth to them and raised them does not put me in charge of them forever. Part of becoming an adult is getting people put of your business with courtesy. My kids definitely know how to keep their own counsel. If they don't want my opinion about something they do not involve me. You can create your boundaries respectfully.
Sadly, you are not alone with this. I’ve been dealing with lupus for over 30 years. My dad always told me that disease was a result of negative thinking, until he got bladder cancer at 73. My mom was always doubtful of my illness, until a few years ago she went with me to the UCLA Oncology visit where they explained that it was lupus, not leukemia, that was making me severely anemic. They stressed to her how important it is for lupus patients to stay on their meds after they found out that I had tried to cut back on my own because I had felt better. Sadly, I had let their anti-med views seep in and I paid for it. That was when I accepted that I will be on Plaquinil for life and that the other meds will be raised, lowered, added, or subtracted as needed.
Just when I get my parents on board my 25 year old son, who has grown up with my disease, has come to believe that I need to stop all meds because big pharma and the government are in cahoots to get all citizens hooked and controlled… ah, the joy of the internet. We hardly talk any more because it becomes so confrontational. He says, “Mom, you need to stop your meds and take colloidal silver.” I say, “Did you know it should not be taken with thyroid replacement and since my thyroid was radiated I would die without it.” Conversations ends with, "Mom, you just don’t really want to get better. I think you like being sick."
This is why sites like this are so important. We have to share with and support each other because the rest of the population just doesn’t understand. You are not alone!
Oh, BAKOJENNY, I don't know how many times I heard that from my Adult Kids. I need to stop all meds. My thyroid was removed also with uridine radiation so I have to take Synthroid for it is my life line I call it. My Adult kids thinks my Lupus is all in my head.
"Mom, you just don't really want to get better.I heard this come out my Adult kids mouth too. They think I want pity and that is not at all the case. Without taking my thyroid medication I would die. My body would shut down immediately. They seem like they can't understand that. I quit fighting with my Adult kids anymore it makes me stressed out.
This is absolutely a universal issue among us Lupies I would say, in one capacity or another. I’m so sorry for the pain we all experience from others who just don’t understand. My therapist too has had me set boundaries with people. It’s amazing how some of the people I thought were closest to me have hurt me the most while others have come through with flying colors. It’s hard to change your relationships with those close to you, however, this is your life. This is a chronic illness that will hopefully be managed well, but will not go away. Therefore, if people won’t evolve with you, it’s ok to take a step, or many, back from them. There is that saying that some people are in your life for a day, month, year, or lifetime. Each impacts you differently. The positive ones remain while the negative impact but do not stick around. Use the negative as a learning experience and the positive to thrive and don’t feel guilty. You didn’t ask for this or do anything to deserve it; the last thing you need is people making it harder. Hang in there. I sure hope others, especially your mom, will come around. That is a bond that’s hard to sever, but again, that is on get, not you.
Thank you Patrick for your kind words. I am definitely not feeling so alone anymore on here!
ptpsr said:
Your not alone in dealing with your Lupus Courtney,there are an increasing number of us out here trying to learn how to manage our symptom's. It sounds like you have a working program for yourself, keep up the good work. I am sorry to say that your mom seems to not have a very helping attitude concerning your Lupus and subsequent down times and I'm sure that gives you emotional pain. I could not guess why she would treat you in this manner, but you can't let that get or keep you down emotionally. If your mom's attitude changes that would be great, but if it does not that would be sad. Either way you must take care of yourself regardless of her attitude, which it sounds like you are. We can only be responsible for how we conduct our self, we cannot control nor be responsible for how someone else conducts or in your mom's case misconducts themself. Stay strong your doing good.
Patrick
I too have little understanding and family support. My mother in law would upset my husband so much that he would yell at me if I was sick with a fever or in pain and couldn’t make it but still force me to go to family/holiday gatherings. I since have stopped going to most functions on his side of the family while encouraging him to go without me. The toxicity and judgement just makes me flare more. My mom doesnt try to understand and expects me to continue my usual caregiving ways to everyone in the family. Ive had to gently place boundaries in and that has turned some against me. Prior and after the diagnosis my sisters behavior towards me has worsened. This seems to be a common theme with Lupus patients. I may be speaking in generalities but I think that LP are caregivers at the core and selfless people and those around them that have depended on us can have a hard time processing that we now need to prioritize our own caregiving.
Exercise does help me along with some vitamin supplements and keeping with a gluten free and veggie way of life. When i eat any meat or wrong foods i pay in pain and stiffiness. ( have sle w/kidney and skin involvement)
Take care of yourself and you are not alone.
Oh you poor thing! Don’t worry…it is not you, it is her. And if I had a dollar for every time someone told me what to eat that would surely cure me…I would be loaded. I have always been a healthy eater and vegan on and off…past couple of years I was on…so then people told me I was sick because of that. Its rediculous! The past three months I was on a very sick run…and was loosing way too much weight, so when I had an appetite for something, I ate it no matter what it was. Too bad but family can get over judging us for how we care for ourselves, and that includes our meds. Take care!