I'm having so many emotional trouble as of recent. I find myself crying all the time. Dreaming of the problems and wake up with heart palpitations. I had another one lastnight. It has all but taken the joy from me in addition to all of my Lupus complications. (extreme exhaustion, pain and stiffness, protein loss etc)
I am positive minded and attend Zumba and Yoga classes. I am a person of great faith and it has always comforted me. But NOTHING is comfort for mind, soul and emotions. Even music that I love.
I've had some recent family drama/stress that put me in a position to either keep on enabling a sister of mine or speak the truth to. I have always been a source of her support, that never would rock the boat and self-sacrificed me in a lot of ways for the sibling relationships. So, at 43 yrs young i've decided to put boundaries in when there is unacceptable behavior. Well, there is no accountability with a few of my sisters when they offend me great and small. We had a misunderstanding that led to an argument and she told me to go away and never talk to her again. This makes soooo sad. I've always sacrificed my needs in the relationship to have one, shown sisterly charity, compassion and forgiveness. Yet, she is not capable of the same and has shared the argument with another sister that was the rebel growing up and has a lot of issues from the past about her bad decisions. I have no comfort in this. I sent an email apologizing for my part of it. Haven't heard anything back. During the misunderstanding she said and did nothing to me. That I was the delusional one and other mean things. Thankfully I have a sister-in-law and brother that sees how they are to me. I pray, meditate and turned to God in a sense. But, I have no peace. They are the primary reasons why I have so many trust issues that keeps me from becoming close to people. It doesn't stop me from trying, but people seem to walk all over me all the time. I think I care too much. Is it wrong to expect mutual respect, reciprocity and accountability in relationships, as well as mutual growth. The first time I tried to hold her accountability, she severed the relationship. I have been considering seeing someone for this, either a pastor or counselor. But not sure if I should contact the one sister she shared it with and explain the WHOLE story or let it be. Sorry this is long, but it has crippled me energy wise. I've been taking vitamin B with Folic Acid and Vitamin D. But around 1 or 2 in the afternoon I crawl into bed and nap for 2 to 3 hours and never feel rested. One hr use to work and I would be good to go for the rest of the day.
Also have a son who is a senior and having anxiety about his future. By Gods grace he is morally on track but waited until his jr year to care about gpa. I hate this because I think I'm experiencing deep depression when he needs me the most. We have completed a few college apps and his needs are met. As well as I've been taking care of my parents who have had health issues in the last 2 years off and on.
I am going through almost the exact same thing. It isn’t am easy road and I am still on it. Have you talked to your doctor about the emotional side? I didn’t tell anyone and it got to be so much that I tried to take my own life.
I am sorry for your pain. Your story sounds all to familiar, my sister dis owned me in 2006. In all honesty it was the healthiest thing that happened. I learned I could never make her happy. This goes for many of my relationships. I have always helped everyone, or so I thought. I do hope you can get some understanding about why you give and give, I have to say I find it interesting that a lot of us with lupus are givers, care takers and so on. That is my life story as well. I am now learning ever so slowly how to receive. I am 57 yrs. While family is important I wish I had this knowledge years ago and would have taken care of myself first. Not just because of an illness but because I am worth taking care of. We all are worthy of love and support.
I don't know if you would be interested in the book "Co dependent No More" it helped me a lot.
Thank you for sharing. I have been going through drama on ever hand and it can be just as draining. My advice is to extend a conversation to your sisters. If they decline it is on them not you. You tried to make the situation right. I have had issues that stemmed from relatives thinking that I was putting on. I have two small children and this really depressed me because why would anyone fabricate this illness. I’m praying for you.
I think you should see a someone, depression can only get worse. Find motivational quotes everyday, to keep u going even if its for an hour. Right to urself wen u bothered. Depression worsens this illness.
Dnt allow it to take over u. All will b well eventually.
No, I haven't spoken to my dr about the emotional side of things. I understand because I've been contemplating just ending all of it as well. It's too much. It's not the first time I've thought of it and those thoughts started to flood me again.
I think releasing your feelings here with us is one way to get it out without judgement with people who understand. I too am a kind hearted person who would give of time and finances only to feel taken advantage of by my sisters and friends. I finally broke ties and this lead to a big blow out. I moved 13 hours away thinking distance would give me peace. The guilt of saying no when they called consumed me. I was diagnosed with lupus a few years later. I have have some very difficult times and not one of them has been hear for me. I have adopted the attitude that I can be of no help to anyone if I am no good to my self. I place all my trust in God, in Him there is peace for mind body and soul. Cast your cares upon Him and leave it there. Counseling is very helpful as it was for me. I still have bouts of depression, but nothing like it use to be. You are on the right track with exercise and vitamins. I will keep you in prayer.
Terri: I believe I give and give because it's pleasing to God and is my duty to fill a need that i'm capable of filling. For me if I don't, I would not feel right. I'm sorry that you too have experienced something similar. I'm learning through this that some family members just do not want peace and unity. The one that just disowned me operates on a selfish, her first basis. Through the argument so much came out that leads me to believe that jealousy is a wedge on her part. She didn't like when I was becoming close with another sister and tried sabotaging it by telling me that one has jealousy, petty issues with me. So, this just might be a blessing in disguise. You hit the nail on the head with me. I have a huge problem with receiving support and love. Reaching out on the website was my only option because at this point I trust no one enough to share face to face. Thanks for responding to my post. It has been comforting to know that I'm not the only one that is going through something like this. ~Donna
Flower said:
Hi
I am sorry for your pain. Your story sounds all to familiar, my sister dis owned me in 2006. In all honesty it was the healthiest thing that happened. I learned I could never make her happy. This goes for many of my relationships. I have always helped everyone, or so I thought. I do hope you can get some understanding about why you give and give, I have to say I find it interesting that a lot of us with lupus are givers, care takers and so on. That is my life story as well. I am now learning ever so slowly how to receive. I am 57 yrs. While family is important I wish I had this knowledge years ago and would have taken care of myself first. Not just because of an illness but because I am worth taking care of. We all are worthy of love and support.
I don't know if you would be interested in the book "Co dependent No More" it helped me a lot.
Thank you so much for responding and your prayers. I am a very low drama kind of gal and have a hard time to reach out, so this was my only possibility. I'm sorry that you experienced a lack of compassion and empathy from relatives while dealing with this huge illness, Lupus. This illness is REAL and could never be fabricated!
~Donna
Beth Hodge said:
Thank you for sharing. I have been going through drama on ever hand and it can be just as draining. My advice is to extend a conversation to your sisters. If they decline it is on them not you. You tried to make the situation right. I have had issues that stemmed from relatives thinking that I was putting on. I have two small children and this really depressed me because why would anyone fabricate this illness. I'm praying for you.
I understand what you are going through and that you feel the need to help.
I Also have manipulative members who play the victim when I say enough is enough.
It’s hard to not let it bother you, but your health and your son are the most important things, and if they can’t see that, then pray for them and hand them to God. Hope you feel better soon
Thank you LupusHater: Your post made me cry of course, because you hit another nail on the head with me. Rejection! I think it's my name if someone was to play a movie about myself. I find it ironic that this illness deals with the body rejecting itself.
I agree with you about giving it to God. I told my husband that I thought I gave it to God. I've been able and successful with other things in my life when giving it over to Him. Many times in prayer I've said this burden is too much for me but, then I get smacked in the face by my thoughts out of nowhere, in the middle of other things, go to trying to solve the problem and understanding why she is allowing one misunderstanding, & boundary set(on my part) & argument to end it. My deepest desires are peace and unity. Only if it's God's will can anything about this change. She used me all her life and dropped me like the plague. I don't have the mind of Christ so I think I'm being challenged on my focus like you mentioned. Yes, I don't want a pity party and do believe I am under an attack from Satan. God wants better not bitter to come from this. Aligning mind, heart and soul is the challenge. Please continue to pray for me.
lupus hater said:
DvDom3-
You can take all the vitamins or other pills in the world babe-yet(speaking from the middle of the storm myself with a very simular situation going on) it is never easy being rejected . Much less rejected by people you consider your core source of family, klike mine theyre all gossiping and my college son is gay in school and I pray for them all. where is my security, God-love and joy- doesn't want us to stay devistated so we truley-need to learn to give this to God and then the second part-Have the faith God is working with us.. We must put our thoughts over to God and try not to run with them becasue satan goes there-this a a pity party waiting to happen and he is in charge-I love God I trust Him-yet isn't it Ironic that it is so hard to keep that trust - hand it over and continue to do what we can do and keep our focus on what we CAN do - rather than things we are not able to control-love to you-keep the faith in God and don't struggle trying so hard to do this yourself. Lov, Lupus Hater.
I think you should see a someone, depression can only get worse. Find motivational quotes everyday, to keep u going even if its for an hour. Right to urself wen u bothered. Depression worsens this illness.
Dnt allow it to take over u. All will b well eventually.
I am going to throw in another thought here. This time of year is when many people start having really depressed or anxious times. I have been on anti-depressants for many years but yet this time of year I start feeling worse. I can't call them anxiety attacks but my mood changes a lot. I am happy and there is nothing going wrong in any of my relationships, etc. but yet I have these feelings of dread and not wanting to be around anyone and yet I force myself to do that and sometimes it helps and other times it makes it worse. I did see my doctor and he put me on something for it. I don't know yet if it is working as I got the flu and I have been sick for 3 days. He does want me to see a psychiatrist though to make sure that there isn't something nagging at me. I find it interesting that I get this happening at this time of year all the time and in the spring I get better. He didn't know either if it is SAD or not but it has never gotten better when I am in Florida for a while. This is just something else to think about to help you nail down exactly what is happening outside of your family situation. Best of luck!
Hi, sunshine here (I finally earned this name by changing myself w/time. I went thru all the things u r going thru. and still do at times.Was mean and bad and family didn'tlike me, had enough of my saying something was wrong with me. God led me to a group of people who ere trying to change their lives. I had got no comfort w/regular church people who wanted me to change immediately to an upright christian overnight. Nobody thought that I was really sick. even after the dr said i was physically and mentaly sick. so this other group showed me how to live in the moment no matter what. (apart from family lived). Sometimes u have to get away from family cause they only see the old u and don't believe. U have to let go of all responsibility of them and pursue your treatment of the lupus in a more caring invioment. It took my doctor over 3 mons of tests 2 find out what was wrong. I was physically and mentally sick w/ my lupus. being away from family cleared my vision( not dealing with them) andhelped me relax and find the right treatment for me. So try finding shelter some place other than with ur fam. and listen to your doc. and write me if u want. god bless u and hang in there. God gave u a special gift.
So many of us go through this...I'm on 3 mood meds to try and keep me stable. My SLE Lupus makes things worse and I tried to take my life this past June. It was a wake up call for my family and I have refused to take any BS from them any longer.....just say NO TO TOXIC PEOPLE! YOUR life and health is what is most important!
Please see your doctor and find out what you can do to help with your depression. Your son needs you, but don't give all of your strength to him...he needs his Mom to be as healthy and strong as possible.
Families can be greedy and stingy and we don't have to put up with their behavior....even though they are family!!!!
Sending prayers for strength and healing to you.....take each moment as it comes....learn to let go and only take on one thing at a time!
The older I get the more I don't care who likes me and who doesn't. I don't have any family issues but if someone was giving me stress I would "write" them off I don't need the stress. I have a daughter that I enabled in the past but NO MORE.
I need to take care of ME.If you feel depressed you NEED to seek some help.
I can def relate to your sadness. I have been going through the sadness and depression as well. I like to consider myself a very strong person who also turns to GOD for the answers and help.
I have been going through some drama and more diagnoses and looking at 2 more surgeries that I personal don't want just because I am tired of surgery and more and more diagnoses.
I also went through a 2 year period of time when I did not speak to my sister because she thought that I was not as bad off and she thought I was making it.
All I can say is continue to pray and think positive and take all your energy and put it in your son. Pray for forgiveness towards your sister for what she has done. As you forgive her you will set yourself free and it will indeed take less energy than it does to be mad.
Im sorry if I sound super religeous I am not yet I do believe God-Hebrews 4:3 brings hope.
standing still DOES require more faith-sometimes its hard to do. Standing still indicates your trustis in God's ability and not yours-we can't do it all-we are not made that way. For if we believe Him we can enter in rest-calm your spirit. The lord fights batles we cannot-therefore rest in Him following his words to calm you. our enemies are destroyed before us as circumstances change-and they do!!, read Gods promises to youif you can..
Ha!Ha!, hi, sorry to giggle!, babe it is okay! We go through so much Living with Lupus, I can’t begin to tell you that this sound like me at the beginning for me-smile ! As time goes on and the less you focus on things of stress factors everything will become easeier for you to handle, am saying dealing with ANYTHING or ANYONE that has stress written on it or you see the situation is going to get out of hand , just stop in mid air rewind in your head ,then go back into the listening stage to the situation and tell whoever or whatever , Look right Now for Me is not a good time to go through this matter or whatever is causing the stress, and walk AWAY!!! Without saying nothing and don’t think about it later either ! Keep it moving! Cause the more you show or give into stress components you will keep feeling like this ! And is that worth having a flare for nothing? No it is not! We are the ones who has control over our well being , no one else can make us be happy! That is something that we, you, have to learn how to do! Yes it is hard and not so much fun either, but to stay away from flares !I,find myself Walking away from many situations a lot !! My family look at me ,now like okay, we get it and Believe me ,it works , cause at that moment , It Is not A GOOD TIME!! HA!HA! Only because am not and don’t want to have a flare (which puts me in the Bed for days),so Why should I give a stress moment ?well hope this helps you in your moment , take care and most of all Stay in Control of your Health and Stress…Beverly L.