10 Things To Stop Doing To Yourself

General
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originallyposted by angelonearth in www.livingwithFibro.org. It also applies to most chronic illnesses.

10 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

When you have a chronic illness like fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome, you've got enough working against you - you don't need to make things worse for yourself!

It's hard not to. By society's definition, something (other than illness) is "wrong" with anyone who isn't go, go, go, full speed ahead, all the time. We're expected to work long hours at stressful jobs, be amazing parents, have a perfectly clean house and keep up with the Joneses. If you can't, you must be horribly flawed!

Getting out of that mindset is difficult, but it's something that can really benefit us and help us improve. It takes work, though.

The first step is recognizing the things you do in pursuit of this idealized picture of who you're "supposed" to be. Here are 10 damaging things to watch out for:

1. Overdoing it. Pacing is essential for us; we'll only get worse if we do more than our bodies can handle.

2.Criticizing yourself. You know better than anyone that you really are sick, so give yourself a break already! When you catch yourself, try replacing the critical message with something like, "I'm doing the best I can and that's all I can do." (It sounds corny, but it works.)

3. Blaming yourself. It's not like you asked for a chronic, debilitating illness to come along and knock you right out of your life. No matter what some people may say, your illness is not your fault!

4. Believing other people's negative opinions. It's always going to hurt when someone says you're "lazy" or "crazy" or "worthless," but you can't afford to believe them. Someone who keeps going, the best they can, through adversity is stronger and more capable than most. That's what you need to remember.

5. Having unrealistic positive expectations. We tend to put all of our hope and faith in whatever treatment we're trying. All that does is set us up for a major disappointment when we're not suddenly cured. Approach treatments with the attitude that any improvement is a success, and remember that we generally need to use multiple treatments to truly make progress.

6. Having unrealistic negative expectations. On the flip side of the coin, trying treatment after treatment without success can make you feel like nothing's going to help at all, ever. That can prevent you from trying new treatments that might work, and it can also cause a reverse-placebo effect - it won't work because you expect it not to.

7. Putting yourself last. A lot of us are willing to put all our energy into the people around us, our jobs, our responsibilities ... only to have nothing left for ourselves. It doesn't work. If you don't take care of yourself first, you'll have less and less to give until there's nothing left - because you'll keep getting sicker. Taking care of yourself is survival, not selfishness.

8. Giving up too soon. When you try a new treatment or lifestyle change, it can take time for the effect to be felt. If you give up too soon, you can really miss out on long-term benefits. Give your body time to adjust to the change.

9. Letting stress overwhelm your life. Our lives are full of stressors, and being sick only adds to them. The problem is, stress just makes our symptoms worse. Find ways to reduce or manage your stress so it doesn't keep driving you into the ground.

10. Asking why. We all want to know why we're sick. Is it genetics? Your diet? Vaccines? Pesticides? Infection? Some sort of punishment? Why did it strike you and not the millions of other people? This line of questioning can lead to a downward spiral of self-blame, guilty feelings and increased stress. Instead of "Why," we need to ask, "What's going on in my body?" That's the question that can uncover the causes of symptom clusters and lead to treatments.

By identifying the things you do and focusing on breaking those bad habits, you may be able to feel better emotionally and physically. If you feel overwhelmed, take one item at a time.

http://chronicfatigue.about.com/od/copingwithfmscfs/a/10-Things-To-Stop-Doing-To-Yourself.htm

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Well said Sheila,

Given time, most of us who are suffering will come to this place. And trust me, it doesn't happen overnight. And we might have to learn one of the steps more than once. As long as we are moving in the right direction of acceptance, progress will be made.

This year I've learned in the words of Amy Carmichel, "In acceptance, lieth peace."

Thank you for posting Sheila.

Faye

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Thanks for the comment Faye. This is a constant pursuit for me, over and over as I keep reaching a lower level of functioning.

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Trust me Sheila, I am with you in this department. The lower level of functioning is a constant reminder of our illness. Just tonight I was struggling with not being able to do the simple things of preparation for Christmas. I came close to crying ...then I read your discussion. It helped. That is why we need each other...a gentle reminder we are not alone. Bless you!

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Hi Sheila,

Thanks for bringing this over from the fibro site and nice of Angel to add it...lets hope new members look and take the 10 rules in on how they should cope daily.

Out the 10 there's still 2 of them that i do find hard to alter on 7 & 9....those closest to me i always mentally put first before myself and stress can overwhelm me quickly, i find that one hard losing battle but the rest as just been adjusted to quickly mainly through my other issues i've had to deal with.

Takecare Sheila and thanks for popping it over onto here. xxx

"PLEASE TAKE NOTICE MEMBERS...THE MAIN RULES FOR LUPUS"

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and the cry baby in me came out in reading this...except for #10. I don't care why...all I know is that I have it, and it sucks, and I just have to do the best I can because I have 2 kids that need a mom that can somehow function through it.

I know that I need to slow down, but I can never validate not putting my children first

I do ALL of these things...

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It's quite understandable any mom his going to put her children first.

We know it sucks but the quicker you can learn to deal with it and except it more..it won't bother you so mentally plus the pain we do suffer with differnt ailments you will cope better mentally wise...none of us have any choice unless some are lucky if remission drops their way.

We've had alot of members like yourself finding it hard and a large majority through help off other's have excepted it and carried on but if they do find some issues stressful they vent it out as it's a good relasing process besides releasing tension.

My heart goes out to you but the quicker you can adjust the better you'll cope :) xxx

MamaMarshall said:

and the cry baby in me came out in reading this...except for #10. I don't care why...all I know is that I have it, and it sucks, and I just have to do the best I can because I have 2 kids that need a mom that can somehow function through it.

I know that I need to slow down, but I can never validate not putting my children first

I do ALL of these things...

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Here is the thing, I have ALWAYS been super mom, super wife, super worker, super friend, super woman with many hats. I would wake up at 5 am, takecare of my kids and husband, work a full time job, run 3 ministries, do a baking business at night, do whatever everyone needed, go to bed at 2 am and do it all over again the next day. I have been sick for a long time, but didn't know what was wrong. I just found ways to get through it. When I finally started looking for answers I was to the point I could hardly function..and in the last 4 months, I went to barely keeping up with normal every day stuff.

Accepting it, means admitting that I can't do all those things anymore. So I am have tiny bit of a hard time accepting anything. I can't stand that I have to depend on my husband and he has to pick up my slack. Although he is amazing and helps me with everything, It makes me feel like a failure, and it depresses me to the point of craziness.

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Hello MamaMarshall,

We all hear where your coming from and so many members like yourself was constantley active but the first way of fighting lupus is by excepting it, i did this with my seizures years back and nearly drove myself soft till i had a wake up call and now if they happen they happen...exceptance is the first way to carrying on.

Your not a failure because if that's the case everyone who's a member and trying there hardest to cope including myself mays well throw in the towel...nobody asks for what comes at we in life, things happen for a reason and with what i've gone through over the years i see it as testing your strength and mentality, it does'nt make you any less of a person.

Letting depression start besides lupus thrieves off itand will make your symptoms feel double what your going through.

I just hope you can so some courage and come to accept it and by doing that it will reflect on your hubby also seeing this.

Love Terri xxx

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Terri,

You know how I love and respect you. You have taught me a lot along the way in learning to deal and cope with life as we now know it.

I think many times in life, the things that happen to us are not just for us alone. Bob has said he has gotten stronger having to pick up the slack for me and he has developed a deeper understanding of what I am going through. And I have observed in him more sensitivity, endless working after I've had to sit down, and a deeper love that displays itself in doing. He has learned to cook, bake pies, clean house, and grocery shop, and wash clothes. My love for him has grown deeper just because of what he has had to go through caring for me. We may never fully understand "Why me?" But I am learning, we do not have to understand everything to be accepting and enjoy life as we know it. My goal each day is to have a thankful spirit...even in the midst of pain. Learn to live in spite of it!

Love,

Faye

Tez_20 said:

Hello MamaMarshall,

We all hear where your coming from and so many members like yourself was constantley active but the first way of fighting lupus is by excepting it, i did this with my seizures years back and nearly drove myself soft till i had a wake up call and now if they happen they happen...exceptance is the first way to carrying on.

Your not a failure because if that's the case everyone who's a member and trying there hardest to cope including myself mays well throw in the towel...nobody asks for what comes at we in life, things happen for a reason and with what i've gone through over the years i see it as testing your strength and mentality, it does'nt make you any less of a person.

Letting depression start besides lupus thrieves off itand will make your symptoms feel double what your going through.

I just hope you can so some courage and come to accept it and by doing that it will reflect on your hubby also seeing this.

Love Terri xxx

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Hello MamaMarshal,
Are you my clone? Oh my gosh, I run a company with divisions in two states and 3 cities, husband, two children, I am an over achiever. Letting go and delegating tasks to employees as well as family is killing me. I have gone through 5 housekeepers in two months. I’m a maniac on the fast track to driving the nut bus… I spent the last three days crying because I know that with every day I get older things will more than likely get worse. Then I think, what?? Worse ? How can that pain get worse? Finding this group I know that through everyone’s experience, strength, and hope we will be able to hold one another’s virtual hand through it.