How do you tell the people you love the most, that they are physically hurting you? I know they don't mean to, and they love me very much. My husband has always liked propping his leg on me, when we sleep or tucking my leg between his, as we sleep. I just hurt so much, that, now I pull away from him and turn over. I don't want him to think that I am untouchable, but the truth is that I'm in pain most of the time. My daughter also likes to plop down on my lap. She doesn't realize she's hurting me. I don't want to isolate myself from my family members, but I know I need to let them know that I am in pain. :-( How do I let them know without hurting them?
I would just outright tell them what's going on...it's not like you're feeling this way on purpose; they are also you're loved ones, so they should be understanding. I feel like if you keep distancing yourself, then your family might mistake how you're feeling for something else and start making assumptions. that's just my opinion.
My husband was hurting me when he took my arm to go across the street. I told them that it hurts and now he does it very gently.
This is just my opinion but I think you can be truthful in a loving way. For example, with your daughter, let her know, say sweetheart mommy loves it when you want to be close to me. Can you come sit down on mommy’s lap more gentle like this? or Let’s figure out another way to show mommy you love her like…
Then you both can decide what will cause you the least amount of pain while also maintaing the closeness and love you and your daughter share. Hope this helps.
Don’t wait to do it when they are actually hurting you. Sit them down and explain to them what it feels like. And don’t get discouraged when they forget, because they will. It took my husband almost a year to get it through his hard head. Good luck!
Diplomatically !! you say how you love them touching you and it means so much BUT now with the lupus active it hurts a great a deal and could they please ask you first. Put it on you, saying you are sorry that it is this way and wish it was not. That it is not them and has nothing to do with how much you love them or wish they could just touch you as they used too.
I think most reasonable adults would get this....not sure how old your daughter is so if young, really make sure she gets that it is all you and that you love her more than ever. Just do not want her feeling bad or that her needs are not met. You might discuss another way she can show affection that will not hurt you.
agree that it is just my idea how too....you alone know them best. Put yourself in their shoes if they hurt and how you like them to say it to you...might help you find the words.
Thank you so much! My daughter is 12 and I think she is beginning to understand, some.
I say, "Ouch! Any touch hurts me when I am flaring". My family now understands.
Hi!, well for the most part-telling the truth is number one!! I learned for soon to be 3years, it just come a time where we have to stop being in denial about: 1. We deal with as the pain, 2. No one has the feelings that we go through things through everyday all day long , 3. Handling the pressure/and the faces that we see when peoples really don’t know and want ask a million questions and we try so hard to answer them -which never come out right (because the brain fog step in…LoL), I could go on and on , but am not cause it make me cry, but telling the truth works all the time…Beverly L.