Is this too much?

I am one of those people who have become a fighter since they got older. I used to let life rule me and now I am the ruler. Then I was diagnosed with lupus… So here I sit on my first day of classes to begin the journey to being a nurse practitioner and I am terrified. Don’t get ne wrong this isn’t the nervousness that normally comes with the first thing of a new journey. I am truly experiencing major self doubt. I am terrified that lupus may win this one. I have to work at least 32 hours a week so I can keep my insurance. I need to work 40 to help financially support my family. Being a nurse practitioner will be a lot easier on my body but the road will be difficult. I have never been so scared that my body would win this battle of the wills before. Anyway thinks for letting me vent my fears.

Amber, I am here to support your decision to move forward, and here to sit with you for a while whenever you need reprieve.
I have trouble telling the difference between fear and a gut reaction or warning that I am going down the wrong path—but if I stop and consider it for a few minutes and evaluate the feeling I usually figure it out. If it is fear, I do it (thing thing causing fear) anyway, but if it is Vassalisa’s Doll jumping up and down in my pocket saying “Not this way not this way!” I look for another path.
which is the feeling you have now? Where in your body do you feel it? (if in doubt i give my ole body a shout and ask for more info~~it helps me when my brain is too “Frain bogged”*

Quote is from annacai of the butterflies