I am Done!

I call to see how my Xrays of my hand & back were at the clinic that gave me the script to go ,my hands r where I have developed growths on my joints, and my lower back (lumbar area) which on the right side hurts so badly especially…I also had my Ultrasound F/U done as I have a cystic lesion on left ovary that varies in size as each test is done many weeks apart. The woman at the clinic calls me back b4, says “Well, they all look good” “OK” I said, she says “Your lft knee, I STOP her & say LEFT KNEE??” u mean my hand or back, “Oh yea, se says, let me see?” Yeah “The Xrays look normal, I said even w/ these growths on my hand?” she acts like I guess so? I said OK Whatever! I am frustrated now, naturally, then I said my back was FINE TOO? she says yea, no fractures, etc. then says well about ur hand, an Xray only shows bone, I wanna say “NO Really”?? but I didn’t want 2 sound sarcastic, but I am now a little upset(naturally)…she says the growths u r saying would be soft tissue, I said well, would a CAT Scan be what I would need for that? She said yea, I guess? Who is she anyways, the receptionist @ the clinic? I have no idea! As it is Friday & they wanna go HOME 4 the weeked & it is the “CINIC” that they hate to work at anyways! Ever watch HOUSE on TV when Cuddy makes Dr. House go do clinic duty, when he gets in touble…lol… Yet another thing 4 me to be aggravated over! GREAT! I feel as if cause I am a clinic patient on Charity Care I am not getting adequate care the same as someone whom has private ins. that they pay a HIGH premium for! I feel so upset & angry almost victimized,like even though I have been trying to get help, I am backed against he wall! I am ready to give up even going, act like I don’t wanna deal with having these problems anymore, almost ignore them altogehter, but they HURT & I am upset about that! All these yrs. and NOW at 35 y.o. I get the runaround! Ridiculous! Then my U/S, “well the cyst is here but looks a bit smaller than the last one done here months ago” OK I said, I wasn’t concerned bout that, I have had it 4 so long, (i almost xpect it 2 b there, SAD) she said we may have caught it at a diff. time of the hormonal cycle, OK I said, whatever, I really don’t wanna hear anymore, right about now to begin with! She THEN SAYS, well, u can go to the CEED program @ another hospital, (I went already), for free Gynecological Care, THAT IS WHO FOUND THIS PROBLEM LAST SPRING WITH THE OVARY & SENT ME OFF TO FIND A DOCTOR! DO THEY EVEN KNOW WHO I AM??? I almost feel like they don’t KNOW WHO I AM! AND that is so SAD! Like I m just another sad soul wandering into the clinic w/o insurance! UGHHHHH! I am pissed off now, Sorry, but I am! I am NON-TEXTBOOK, I get it, I don’t know what the hell is wrong, but I feel like I am not being heard! And I am aggravated… I am not alone, but here I am , I HURT< WHY? My Hands HURT? My Back HURTS? WHY? WHY WHY? If noone can pinpoint it, or bother trying I should say! Now this is the hospital that doesn’t even have a RHEUMATOLOGIST ON STAFF>>UGHH, So, YES< I am now confused &wonder What is WRONG??? WILL THEY EVER HELP ME? Or will it take 4 me o get so sick, 4 anyone to listen 2 me?..So That’s all for now, I “VENTED”, nd now I’m gonna try to calm down a bit! Thanks 4 listening! TTYL…Suzie

Vent, scream, cry a bit if you need too!!! Sometimes it helps! 

I hope you find a sympathetic rheumatologist at the other hospital who can help sort out what is going on.

Thanks so Much guys, I do appreciate it, I read that back & say to myself, WOW, I was really on a RAMPAGE! BUT, a few hrs. ltr. I still feel the same way? Usually after I settle down I think things thru and feel differently, but not this time at all!! I am very upset over how I have been treated for so long by these doctors & hospitals, like I am damned if I do go for help & I am DAMNED if I don’t!? I don’t know, I do feel like I am being treated in a total diff. way than someone with insurance would…I have been around the healthcare field, I know the deal, I have seen it first hand & right now they think I am just another sob story…BUT I would not bother with my time, as I am a Mom & wife & have other things to worry about in my life, to go to these tests & appts. if I wasn’t feeling so BADLY! So, I am going to try & rest now, and stop getting myself more upset…It is odd cause the more I go thru, the more I sadly miss my Mom so much, I wonder did she feel like this ever? Afterall this site is in kind of honor of her… And what would she tell me to do now? Once again, I find myself saying “I Wish Heaven Had a Phone” ,(my poem on my page, in honor of my Mom I wrote on Mother’s day) I would pick up the phone and ask her, but mostly I would say “Hi, Mom, listen I am trying, I really am, I am trying to make u proud, be SuperMom , be a good Wife, Daughter, Sister, Friend, etc. etc., but I don’t feel good, not at all, and I am so scared, I want someone to figure out what is wrong with me, to listen to me & do something to help, so I don’t leave my family too soon as you did, I am trying to do this not only for myself & my family, but in HONOR OF YOU, so please, help me figure this one out! , OH & I love U & Miss U more everyday!” Well, I said it, let’s hope she listened…Thanks & Good Night my lil family! TTYT, Suzie :0) xoxoxo

I believe the saints can intercede for us and support us with their prayers. I’m sure your mom hears you and wishes she could give you a hug and say, “Suzie Q, of course you make me proud!”

Thanks Jan! :0) Xoxoxoxo