Feeling guilty

My brother has been in the hospital for 4 days for a broken rib that punctured his lung. I was with him the whoke time, and he is finally home. Where im feeling guilty is that I have been in so much pain this whole time that I was kinda irratible to him while he was in the hospital. Wasn’t meant to be like that. But the stress on top of it all made me so much worse! And I just keep getting jerked around by doctors. No of them knowing whats wrong! I mean I was suppost to be there fir my brother and there I was being selfish. I didn’t mean to be but in pain. I didn’t let him know though. But since I can’t get a straight answer from a doctor on what is wrong with me I feel like my family n friends think I’m making it up! I’m so ready to give up! I can’t do this anymore! Why can’t I just be over this? I’ve always been there for everyone else, and I can barely do it now. I push myself too hard to help others and end up paying for it in the days to come. I just wanna give up! To be rid of it all!

Tiffany, it has been so hard for me to switch from being the one that was always there and doing for everybody else to being the one that needs help. I went to so many docs and was told so many different things that after 10 years I finally decided I was just nuts. I don't like having lupus but at least it answered the questions about the way I was feeling. I am blessed with a very supportive family, they finally understand that I'm not just being a jerk. I still have guilty feelings because my Mom (80 yrs old) is now taking me to appts instead of me taking her. We have 14 grandchildren that I am not able to spend the time with that I used to. I love having them here and we always had such fun but I never know what my day is going to be like. We had everybody here last Fri night for a cookout and of course it totally wiped me out, yesterday was the first day that I was able to be up, shower and dress. It's way too easy to get depressed and beat yourself up. You are not feeling the way you do because you want to. It sounds like it's time to put yourself first, be very straight forward with your family and ask for their understanding and support. It is much easier for me to tell you to put yourself first than it is for me to do it. I am still struggling to find the balance between rest and activity. It's hard! Hang in there, this group has given me lots of support and encouragement. It helps so much to talk with people that feel exactly like you do. I hope you find a good rheumatologist to work with you. I've only been going to mine since March but he seems to care and want to help me feel better. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Ty for the advice! It’s just soooo hard sometimes! I just feel like exploding sometimes! Lol its so hard to not get stressed,

grandma14 said:

Tiffany, it has been so hard for me to switch from being the one that was always there and doing for everybody else to being the one that needs help. I went to so many docs and was told so many different things that after 10 years I finally decided I was just nuts. I don’t like having lupus but at least it answered the questions about the way I was feeling. I am blessed with a very supportive family, they finally understand that I’m not just being a jerk. I still have guilty feelings because my Mom (80 yrs old) is now taking me to appts instead of me taking her. We have 14 grandchildren that I am not able to spend the time with that I used to. I love having them here and we always had such fun but I never know what my day is going to be like. We had everybody here last Fri night for a cookout and of course it totally wiped me out, yesterday was the first day that I was able to be up, shower and dress. It’s way too easy to get depressed and beat yourself up. You are not feeling the way you do because you want to. It sounds like it’s time to put yourself first, be very straight forward with your family and ask for their understanding and support. It is much easier for me to tell you to put yourself first than it is for me to do it. I am still struggling to find the balance between rest and activity. It’s hard! Hang in there, this group has given me lots of support and encouragement. It helps so much to talk with people that feel exactly like you do. I hope you find a good rheumatologist to work with you. I’ve only been going to mine since March but he seems to care and want to help me feel better. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Tiffany, I think feeling guiltly for needing help is one of the hardest things I have had to deal with.

My recent hosp stay changed me a little though...I realized that so many people had jobs and were able to live the life they live because they are helping me and people like me, you, human being (lol)

we all need one another.

when I was waiting for me breakfast to arrive I thought about how many cooks in the kitchen and people to clean and nurses ans techs and secretaries, administrative personnel doctors..and of course, loins and tigers and bare footed babies were happy in their their lives because of my neediness (on my) it changed me. I do not feel like a user- loser anymore. I feel certain that God will find some thing or another to do with me...something he created for me to be.

I am willing to bet he has made us alike in at a]least two important ways: He made us to know "in our gut" when we are doing too much and missing the mark;

he also gave us the gift of being able to sit back and wait, watching for his instructions for the next part of life.

Lets start a NO PUSHING club.

What would be our first rule? How would we help others like ourselves to value work above rest?

when I was in the hospital a few days ago I really and truly discovered the not common in our country knowldge that

http://youtu.be/itAOGRiYRLI

rest is good for us, it helps us be better able to help the ones that need to take our resting place once we have been restored.

Tiffany,

It's a life none of us want to live with and it being hidden does'nt help one bit but it's part of you now like so many of us, there's no escaping it only excepting it, although it's hard Janice/Ann and myself have no choice but to carry on and in time your mind will except it eventually it's our body's that find it the hardest.

Stay strong and your not selfish but one thing after another can boat load we down but you just have to rise above it.

Love Terri xxx

Thanks guys. I know I need to learn to accept this. It’s just so hard and confusing. I know my brother isn’t mad at me, but I’m mad at myself for acting the way I did. But you guys are right, I need to learn when I can and can’t do things. thanks guys, you def made me feel better!

Tiffany,

It will be hard excwepting it because for years i had an hard time excepting my seizures and when i fianlly lived alone i kept myself closed in doors and one day my head said you can't carry on like this and to this day i've never looked back as that was my exceptance call...just the same as Lupus is with yourself and me besides, as i have my days finding it hard but it's there controlling our body's and there's nothing none of we can do but carry on to the best of our ability.

Your brother knows your ill to so he would'nt expect alot from you....it's just lovely when so many family's are close and so understanding, just giving him your love when you can shows your brother you care....there's alot what the heart can show alone.

Learning when and not to do things will actually come natural to you, i'll admit the lupus etc as come at my body hard in the last 2yrs and those last 2yrs i've been adjusting slowly and you don't half feel the difference and know when you can't and can do things.

You've got all our love here Tiffany and i really hope your brother makes a good recovery.

((Hugs & Kisses)) Terri xxx



Tiffany89 said:

Thanks guys. I know I need to learn to accept this. It's just so hard and confusing. I know my brother isn't mad at me, but I'm mad at myself for acting the way I did. But you guys are right, I need to learn when I can and can't do things. thanks guys, you def made me feel better!

Ty for the advice. Sorry it took so long for a response. Haven’t been doing very well the past couple weeks.

Tez_20 said:

Tiffany,

It will be hard excwepting it because for years i had an hard time excepting my seizures and when i fianlly lived alone i kept myself closed in doors and one day my head said you can’t carry on like this and to this day i’ve never looked back as that was my exceptance call…just the same as Lupus is with yourself and me besides, as i have my days finding it hard but it’s there controlling our body’s and there’s nothing none of we can do but carry on to the best of our ability.

Your brother knows your ill to so he would’nt expect alot from you…it’s just lovely when so many family’s are close and so understanding, just giving him your love when you can shows your brother you care…there’s alot what the heart can show alone.

Learning when and not to do things will actually come natural to you, i’ll admit the lupus etc as come at my body hard in the last 2yrs and those last 2yrs i’ve been adjusting slowly and you don’t half feel the difference and know when you can’t and can do things.

You’ve got all our love here Tiffany and i really hope your brother makes a good recovery.

((Hugs & Kisses)) Terri xxx



Tiffany89 said:

Thanks guys. I know I need to learn to accept this. It’s just so hard and confusing. I know my brother isn’t mad at me, but I’m mad at myself for acting the way I did. But you guys are right, I need to learn when I can and can’t do things. thanks guys, you def made me feel better!

Hi Tiffany,

Don't apologise as we all have moments when a flare can arise and make we ill and sometimes you can't mentally think of other issues as i have my days like it, so we all understand.

Just take life steady and if you need to rest then do it, it's the only way of helping your body.

((Hugs & kisses)) Terri xxx